The Inbetweeners

Samantha Morrison-- way out of my league,

and yet I keep trying... Alkaline metals are very easy

since they only have three isotopes.

And trying.

This must be your girlfriend.

No.

'Cause you know what?

All girls I like are out of my league.

Look at me.

Imagine my league.

One, two, three, four!

We always imagined our weekends as alcohol-fueled

ragers filled with sex and parties, but in reality,

most were spent here banging on junk.

But we had bigger plans this weekend-- that is, Simon did.

Oh, my God.

Does it look like I just took it off-roading?

It looks like you took it through a colon.

Well, at least you covered up the yellow.

The more dirt it has on it, the longer Carly has to spend

washing it off.

We were going to a car wash.

The student council holds a car wash each year to raise

money for the homecoming dance, and more than not, it raises

insurance rates.

How'd you get the leaves to stick?

Hot glue gun.

That'll buy me at least another hour of scrubbing.

Yeah.

We're taking Will's mom's car.

What?

If we take the celibacy, we might as well point a hose at

their va-jay-jays, 'cause no chick is gonna want to

rock our jock.

There's no way my mom will let us borrow her car

for the sole purpose of objectifying women.

Samantha will be there.

But I should try.

You know, it never hurts to ask.

I spent $500 on that gift certificate!

No, I'll have ladies' day by myself.

Hey.

Rough day?

Mm, just wish that my friends were as sensitive to my needs

as you are.

Needs like getting your car washed?

My treat.

Get it back to you in an hour.

That's thoughtful, but you can't drive.

And I don't trust Simon in any car that goes over 40, so...

But you know what?

You should take this gift certificate to the spa.

I was supposed to share it with Gina, but I'd rather you and

your friends have it.

I'm not sure they're the spa types.

That's the point.

I want to teach Gina a lesson.

She said no.

Oh, that's fine.

I can talk to her.

Is she in the shower?

No.

I can wait.

She's not gonna take a shower.

Whore's bath.

I'm the same way.

Crotch and pits is all you need.

So this detour was pointless.

Not completely pointless.

I mean, my mom gave me this spa certificate,

but it's probably pretty lame.

Oh, dude, that's awesome.

Really?

Yeah, forget about the car wash.

Every spa has a masseuse that will do anything if the price

is right.

I don't want a masseuse.

I want Carly.

We're going to the car wash.

Fine.

We'll do both.

We'll go to the car wash and get the celibacy scrubbed, and then

we'll go the spa and get our dongs scrubbed.

There's Samantha.

Let me out of the car before she sees I'm in it.

Hold on.

Whoo!

Yeah!

Are you guys coming?

No.

We're gonna stay and watch the show.

You know it!

Bye-bye!

Ugh, I think I see a nipple.

What if it's a tiny pink penis?

Why would you say that?

God, there are boobies literally an inch away from my

face and I can't see them!

What are they using?

A fire hose?

I just let one.

Oh.

Help me!

I have a lot of musical attributes.

I don't play any instruments except the piano, but you know

what I have?

Perfect tempo.

Some people have perfect pitch;

I have perfect tempo.

It's very, very rare.

Name any amount of beats per minute.

200.

Toccata in f-minor.

You know, Will, it's too bad you're a virgin.

Wait. What?

I don't know what to do with you.

One minute I think you're weird, and the next minute I just want

to rip your clothes off.

What minute are we on right now?

You know, we should go on a date sometime.

I could wear clothes that rip off easily.

I don't think so.

I think you're cute, but it would never go anywhere.

I just can't have sex with a virgin.

I mean, how do you know?

I mean, you--you can't tell these things.

I--it's not--do I have-- you can't know.

I'm a virgin.

I know.

Listen, it's just too much pressure.

The last guy whose virginity I took became obsessed with me,

and I just can't deal with that again.

So all I have to do is have sex to have sex with you?

You let me know when.

You stay here.

I have sex to accomplish.

Send me a postcard.

Will do!

Why can't you just pick me up on time?

I don't feel like waiting around for half an hour.

Fine, I'll just be sitting here.

Whatever. Bye.

Still having problems with Bobby?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I guess we just aren't meant to be.

Sometimes you got to go through the jerks to know who

the good guys are.

I didn't say he was a jerk.

Neither did I.

He's just so self-absorbed.

I mean, he can't even pick me up on time, and he's leaving for

his big surfing trip next weekend.

Your birthday.

Yeah.

But you know what? Screw him.

I can give you a ride.

Oh, my God, that would be so great.

Thank you, Simon.

No problem.

Just--just being a good friend.

I love you.

Oh, God.

Oh, you son of a bitch!