Lip Service

So... is this everything?

Yeah. I don't like clutter.

Oh, no, no. Don't worry. I'm not fanatical or anything.

It's just when you see so many people snuff it,

you realise only junk gets left behind.

You know, I might have a clear-out.

Lead a more minimalist lifestyle.

Yeah. Now I've heard everything.

Shut up. I might.

Morning, birthday girl.

Take a seat.

Mmm.

Today, you are having the full birthday breakfast experience.

We've even got jam and marmalade in little pots,

like you get at a hotel.

To be fair, they're eggcups, but you get the idea.

Do I open it now?

You can do whatever you want. It's your birthday.

How did you know I wanted this?

Rigorous detective work. No.

I heard you telling Tess and I gave her a call.

- Do you like it? - I love it!

Thank you.

It's meant to make you happy, not sad.

I'm not sad.

I bloody hate DIY.

Tell you what, you got the right idea, going out with a spark.

I bet she does everything like this.

Oh, yeah. She would. Only we're not together any more.

Oh, shit.

Um, sorry.

It's OK. We weren't together long.

It was a... she says 'to-mah-to', I say 'to-may-to' situation.

- So I called the whole thing off. - Let me guess.

You were being weird and avoiding her.

So she forced you to dump her?

How did...?

Well, you know, you're messy,

which means you're probably more of an avoider than a confronter.

So, um, are you seeing anyone at the moment or...?

Oh, no - spent my twenties sleeping with the wrong women...

Frankie being a prime example...

which is a sure-fire way to end up single.

I'm off for a run.

I'll see you later.

Don't you dare clear up that mess. I'll do it.

Oh...

Can't stay long. Gotta be somewhere.

So do you want to yell at me again?

No.

I...I wanted to say I'm sorry. You're right. I was a cock.

You're not getting back in my pants, if that's what you think.

It's not what I want. Charmed, I'm sure.

Nah... I would.

I would want to.

I...

I think you know I'm into someone else.

- How is Cat? - Still married.

I'm working on it.

So are we mates?

Mmm. Sod it. Why not?

So... how are you?

Just chipper, apart from being broke and jobless.

Well, I just might be able to help out with that.

Hey, are you OK?

- It's Lexy, isn't it? - Hi.

My God. This isn't embarrassing at all.

I was hoping I wouldn't run into anyone.

I'm a bit new to the whole running thing.

The more you do, the easier it gets.

IF I do any more.

Oh, God - sometimes, I can't wait till we're 80

and I can just throw self-improvement to the wind.

Yeah.

Buy a stair lift and eat doughnuts all day.

Don't forget the motorised wheelchair.

Oh, God. Now you're just talking dirty.

Don't let yourself cool down too much.

I'm, uh... I'm heading that way if you want to run together?

Oh, no, no. You're really fit.

Um, I mean you're really healthy.

And I just quit smoking,

so I've got the lung capacity of a small hamster.

I better go. You sure you don't want to...?

Yeah, no, no. I'm cool.

- All right. See you. - Go for it.

Now he comes here every day,

and he doesn't look at me, doesn't see me.

I have no hope at all. None.

Oh, God. Give me strength...

Sorry. Sorry.

Um, I was wondering if Tess could leave a pause

after, "It's so painful."

Otherwise, I don't get a chance to react.

Right. Right.

Um, what... what kind of reaction were you looking for?

Well, even though this is a big speech for Sonya,

in a way, this scene is just as much about Elena

and her conflict over Astrov.

And I just think that if the audience could see my reaction,

that might be helpful.

Right. Tess, could we try that with a pause?

Sure.

Oh, it's so painful.

I have no hope at all. None.

Oh, God. Give me strength.

I have been praying all night...

Sorry. Sorry, sorry.

Oh.

Is... is Tess going to walk upstage on the night?

It's just... it sort of pulls all the focus onto Sonya.

Well, it is a really big moment for Sonya.

Yes. But as I said before, this scene isn't all about Sonya, Tess.

And it makes it very difficult for me to do my job.

Right. Uh...

Maybe, uh, you could both come upstage.

Well, if... if Tess is all right with that?

- Sure. That's fine. - Great.

Well, if you don't tell me which restaurant we're going to,

how will I know what to wear?

A negligee and a pair of killer heels should do it.

Look, just don't wear jeans or trainers.

That's where I'm going - in there.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

- I'll see you tonight. - Mmm.

I'll see you. Table's booked for 7:30.

- OK. - OK.

Bye.

I've always considered being doubled-over, gasping for breath

a rather sexy look.

Anyway, she's got a bloody girlfriend, which is just my luck.

One day, I'm going to fancy someone who isn't unstable or taken.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh. Third bloody call today. They could at least say something.

Did you see that?

- What? - New radiologist.

Not even so much as a glance in my direction.

I've tried the charm offence in the canteen, you know,

giving him the eye.

Usually that's got them eating out of the palm of my hand, but nothing.

Maybe he's straight.

No. He's definitely gay.

He is. I have a sixth sense.

I see gay people.

Well, maybe he doesn't fancy you.

Not possible.

Ten minutes in my company, even nuns want a piece of me.

Yeah. Why do you even care? There's plenty more fish.

Yeah. But those other fish want to fuck me. This fish doesn't.

So now, naturally, he's the only fish that I want to fuck.

Can I interest you in ear infection with discharge

or unremitting vomiting?

It's like the Cadbury's Christmas Selection box all over again.

I'll have ear infection with discharge.

Good choice.

This is the last thing I need after breaking up with Fin.

I should be enjoying myself,

not... wondering how I'm going to get through this without killing Nora.

She's just an actress. They're all the same.

Selfish, faithless, self-absorbed.

- I'm an actress. - Present company excepted.

Take my wife.

20 years of happy marriage,

and as soon as that arse Thomas Delaware slithers in our direction,

she's off!

Your wife's with Thomas Delaware?

Who... who I personally hated in Hearts of Stone.

It was a terrible performance.

Tom Cruise acted him off the screen.

Which is hardly surprising!

Before some idiot plucked him from obscurity, he couldn't get arrested.

I used to see him at the dole queue.

Now it's "Delaware this", "Delaware that".

What does Delaware like to do in his free time? I'll tell you what.

Steal other people's fucking wives! That's bloody well what.

The bastard!

Crisp?

It's a new flavour.

I thought you weren't coming.

Do you not want your present?

I've got a present for you first.

Like it?

It's just what I've always wanted.

I want you to watch me.

I forgot 15 minutes surveillance feels like 10 hours.

So, where are you taking Cat tonight?

La Maison. It's a surprise.

- Shit! - Mmm.

They don't even have prices on the menu, do they?

I know a pint and a burger are your idea of a hot date,

but I'm way classier than you, so...

Reckon you and Cat will do the civil partnership thing?

I don't know. We've not talked about it.

I'd marry her tomorrow, though.

Look at you, all soppy.

You're a changed woman since you found love.

I still cannot believe they let you be a police officer.

So, do you want your present?