Ted Lasso

Good afternoon.

Sorry, I was waiting for you to ask if-- if I needed anything.

So, this is my mom and dad's favorite restaurant

and Friday's their 35th wedding anniversary, Jade.

How do you know my name?

Oh, I don't. That's what the 35th wedding anniversary is:

Jade.

Oh, weird. What time, then?

Oh, 7:30, three people and really wanna make sure we get the window table.

You've got all the divisions…

I have to talk to Derrick.

…former England international…

Chris Kamara.

It was an unbelievable performance.

Do you mind just turning that up? Thank you.

I couldn't believe it!

Looking into the championship now,

Roy, your old mob in Richmond, struggling.

There are a lot of theories as to why that might be.

One that's gaining traction is a lack of leadership

from your successor as captain, Isaac McAdoo.

Isaac's a good lad. He'll find his way.

You know, under Ted Lasso, Richmond, well,

they're like a woman behind the wheel: completely lost!

George! Didn't you lose your license drink driving?

That was an allergic reaction to my medication.

The same medication that made you piss your pants?

Nothing coming up…

So, did-- Did the--

Hey. Hi.

Good news.

We can set aside the table in the corner for you.

Wonderful. I just--

I would really like the window table, you know, just to impress my dad.

I'm sorry. I can't guarantee a reservation for the window table.

I know Roy Kent, if that's--

Is he your dad?

No.

Well, please let us know if Mr. Kent ever wants the window table.

Okay. Thank you.

Jan Maas, that's shit defending.

Yes, that goal was entirely my fault.

I don't wanna hear it. We need to get our shit together!

Hey, hit pause for me, will you? Hey, fellas.

No, I gave you an indoor whistle.

Listen, I don't care what our record is,

but I hear the chatter, people saying there's something wrong with us.

Not the way I see it, okay?

And here's why:

I believe in communism.

Rom-communism, that is.

What is rom-communism?

Well, Bumbercatch, it is a worldview that reminds us

that romantic comedies with folks like Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan

or Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant or-- Who am I missing, Coach?

Drew Barrymore?

-Matthew McConaughey, obviously. -All right, all right. Yeah.

-The three Kates. -Yeah, Beckinsale, Hudson, Winslet.

-You forgot Blanchett. -Different spelling.

I enjoy Renée Zellweger and all the Bridget Jones movies.

I mean, her accent is pitch perfect

and her gift of physical comedy is grossly underrated.

-Word! -Hell yeah!

-Absolutely! -I saw Judy…

All right, you've gotta give it up for Zellweger.

Look, point is, fellas, if all those attractive people

with their amazing apartments and interesting jobs,

usually in some creative field,

can go through some lighthearted struggles and still end up happy,

then so can we.

Jennifer Lopez!

That's a great call, Dani, and not at all a beat too late.

Gentlemen, believing in rom-communism

is all about believing that everything's gonna work out in the end.

Now these next few months might be tricky,

but that's just 'cause we're going through our dark forest.

Fairy tales do not start, nor do they end in the dark forest.

That son of a gun always shows up smack-dab in the middle of a story.

But it will all work out.

Now, it may not work out

how you think it will or how you hope it does,

but believe me, it will all work out.

Exactly as it's supposed to.

Our job is to have zero expectations and just let go.

Now, you heard him!

We need to stop playing like shit!

Yeah, not exactly what I said, but I appreciate you, Isaac.

Okay, let's watch the second half. Come on, Coach.

Hey, anyone know what's going on with Isaac?

I got no idea. No.

Maybe it's piles.

I've accepted "aubergine" and "snogging", but "piles" I will not abide.

Wait a second, we play Sheffield Wednesday?

-Saturday. -Oh, we're playing Sheffield Saturday?

Sheffield Wednesday, Saturday.

We gotta play 'em twice in the same week?

The club is called Sheffield Wednesday. We play them on Saturday.

They're called Sheffield Wednesday because they used to only play on Wednesdays.

But nowadays they play on whatever day they feel like,

including, but not limited to, Saturdays,

which, again, is the day we will be playing them.

This Saturday? I can't. I got plans.

-I'm leaving. -Oh, come on.

-Hey, Doc. -Good afternoon.

Coach Lasso, is Isaac okay?

No, ma'am, he is not.

He's a wigwam in a tepee right now.

What does that mean?

-He's too tense. -Boom!

He's wound tighter than my nan's hairnet.

That only makes sense if you know my nan,

but when she wears a hairnet, it looks like puppies are trying to escape from it.

I am not crazy.

-Do you want me to talk to Isaac? -No. That's okay. We got it.

I know exactly what Isaac needs. Thank you, though.

Okay.

-What does Isaac need? -Oh, I have no idea.

No, usually in this situation

I'd have a player talk to the team captain before I intervened.

-But Isaac's our captain. -Exactly.

And I can't very well ask Isaac to pull himself aside.

'Cause that would be dangerously close to messing with the, what's it?

-The dark arts? -No, no.

Space-time continuum?

That's it, yeah.

-Oh. -Fact is, Isaac is a big dog, you know?

So he's only going to respond to a big dog himself.

I'll do it.

Oh, you're being serious?

You didn't laugh.

-You knew he was being serious? -Yeah, man.

Shoot. Busted.

I'm sorry about that, Nate. But I do appreciate the offer, you know?

I think we gotta get him a real big dog.

Yeah, no, goo-- Me too.

-Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. -Yeah.

Okay. Let's see here.

I'm okay with "fanny".

One, two, three…

Did you just giggle?

I don't know. Did I?

Maybe.

And now you're doubling down as Shy Rebecca,

who is a fictional character.

She does not actually exist, so something's up.

Hey, boys!

Come get your free Nespresso coffee machines

because I'm amazing at my job!

People who are amazing at their job don't have to point it out.

Actually, that's not how it works anymore. It's all about promoting your own brand.

Please don't forget to post when you make yourselves an Americano.

I'll put something on my Insta straightaway.

Thanks, Colin. Oh, wait!

Do you think you can make this one post not about Welsh independence?

Yeah.

Thank you.

So can I, like, give this back to you and you give me cash?

-Is that a thing, or… -No.

Oh, yeah. Ok-- Okay.

All right, what the fuck?

Sorry. It's just this mystery man that I've been talking to on Bantr

has just quoted Rilke.

"Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures".

Oh, that is so hot.

Maybe you're writing letters to a hung poet.

Is that a joke from Sex and The City?

No, but thank you.

I love that you're so excited.

That's so Bantr, a place where minds can come to undress.

That's really good. I'm gonna use that.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I'm still chatting to these other guys on the other dating app, Tumescent.

Yeah, and what was that discourse like?

Less revealing, but more revealing.

Jesus, where's the rest of it?

Christ.

I mean, shouldn't romance have a little mystery to it?

Sure, it depends on what you want.

See? It all comes back to branding, even with love.

Yeah.

Oh, Dani! Enjoy your free coffee.

Oh, I don't drink coffee. My mother says I was born caffeinated.

Is it okay if I give it to my neighbor?

She also doesn't drink coffee but her son does.

And she's trying to encourage more visits from him.

Sure!

-¡Excelente! -Oh, yeah!

-Oh, wow. Look at this. -Sorry, Nate.

They're actually just for the players.

Oh, good.

I hate free coffee anyway, always tastes so…

Yeah. Fine.

Hello, Rebecca.

Hello, Higgins.

What can I help you with?

Payroll.

We have an inquiry from AFC Wrexham.

Just got a call from their new owners,

showbiz magnates Rob McElhenney and Ryan Reynolds.

I can't tell if them buying the club is a joke or not,