Glee

Here's what you missed last week.

Quinn's pregnant, and Puck's the father, but Quinn's decided...

to give the baby to Terri, who's not pregnant, just pretending to be.

- It was her sister Kendra's idea. - We're gonna have to get you a baby.

- Also, Ken proposed to Emma, and she said... - Yes.

Oh, and Sue got Figgins to make her co director of the Glee Club.

- Hey, kids. - And that's what you missed on...

# Glee #

How did this happen? I look like a crazy person.

That's not me. Wow.

I didn't know the vein on my neck could stick out like that.

We've been going at it for a week...

since the decongestant incident where Figgins brought Sue in to co-run the Glee Club.

I'm so ashamed of myself. She's turned me into her.

- -

Look at me.

Even in the heat of battle, I'm so elegant...

regal.

I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.

God, it feels good to finally pop that zit known as Will Schuester.

Shut up, Sue.

Look at us. We're even fighting in our voice-overs.

I guess things really started to fall apart a couple days ago...

right after Figgins called us into his office for a sit-down.

Sue, Schue, I called you here...

to get the temperature of the Glee Club.

- Great. - I wanted to get a progress report...

on how you're working together as co directors.

- Well, I think... - In my opinion... No, go ahead.

- No, you. - Okay.

- Please. - Principal Figgins.

- Uh, things couldn't be going more smoothly. - I couldn't agree more.

- -

I don't want to hear any reports...

of either of you trying to curry favor from the children.

- Am I clear? - Oh, absolutely!

- - As we head into sectionals, I wanna get some feedback.

Like, what kind of stuff you guys would like to be doing.

Is there anything... any music in particular... that you guys wanna do?

Can we maybe try something a little more black?

I agree. We do an awful lot of show tunes.

It's Glee Club, not Crunk Club.

Don't make me take you to the carpet.

Fantastic! Thank you, Mercedes, Kurt.

Duly noted. Anything else?

I can pop and lock.

Not really what we're goin' for, Mike...

but... noted, noted, yes.

- And no pitting the kids against one another. - Never.

I wanna pit these kids against one another. Am I clear?

Quinn, update. Go.

The minority students don't feel like they're being heard.

Ah. Chink in the armor, huh?

I am going to create an environment that is so toxic...

no one will want to be a part of that club.

Like the time I sold my house to a nice, young couple...

and I salted the earth in the backyard...

so that nothing living could grow there for a hundred years.

You know why I did that?

Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.

- - Sectionals is coming up.

What are your co director plans?

Uh, we were actually... Uh, we're each gonna direct our own number.

And we'll be flipping a coin to see who goes first.

- It'll be very civilized, very sportsmanlike, so... - Mmm. Yes.

This arrangement is pleasing to all.

- Isn't it? - It's great.

Now, let's hug it out.

- I'd rather not do that. - I really don't see that happening.

This meeting doesn't end until I see your bodies touching.

It's a technique I learned last week at my leadership seminar.

- - I will destroy you.

I'm about to vomit down your back.

It's on.

- I'm freaking out. - Everything's gonna be fine.

Relax. At your age, there's very little chance of anything being wrong.

Awesome.

It is gonna be a little cool to the touch.

Can you just be careful with my uniform?

All right.

Speaking of your ages, have you two given any thought...

to what you're gonna do after the baby is born?

- Whatever Quinn wants is fine. -

Well, if it makes a difference, it's a girl.

- -

- Hmm. Hey. - Hey.

The baby's fine. Uh, no mutations or anything.

Not even any cool ones.

Thanks for taking us today. I was too freaked out to drive.

Yeah. No problem.

Hey. You doing all right?

Um, no.

I mean, how am I supposed to take care of a real person?

My mom won't even let me have fish.

I thought Quinn wanted to give the baby up for adoption.

For now, but we both know that's not my call.

This sucks.

Get all the stress and the worry and none of the control.

- - It's cool, Mr. Schue.

You wouldn't understand.

The independent polling company in my Dockers...

has determined you're the hottest girl in this school.

- Ew. - Have you been reading my blog?

Of course not. You're a gossip monger...

and your blog is nothing but trash and lies, many of them about me.

You'll be happy to know the one I'm working on right now has nothing to do with you...

or your rumored lust for Jew-fros.

It's about Quinn Fabray.

Word on the street is that she's in trouble.

- Where did you hear that? - Are you denying it?

Yes.

Because the same birdie told me you're heartbroken...

Finn Hudson didn't choose you to carry his litter.

- What is it gonna take for you to not run the story? - Well...

Ladies' choice. Heads.

Tricksters Trick Store? This is Sue Sylvester. You got any of those double-headed coins?

Heads.

Awesome. All right.

Following students have been selected...

for a special elite Glee Club called Sue's Kids.

- Hold on. We agreed not to split up the group. - Aw, come on, Will.

Give me a chance to do things Sue Sylvester's way.

Maybe with my proven leadership abilities...

I can help this pathetic group of mouth breathers place at sectionals.

We can't even compete in sectionals if we divide up the club, Sue.

- It's against the rules. - Really? You need to crack open a book, William.

Here. I have. Show Choir Rule Book. Page 24.

Provision 14. Second addendum.

"Twelve members must perform for each team.

However, not all members must perform every song."

Fine. Hey, just go ahead, take all the football players and your Cheerios.

All right, everybody. Listen up.

When you hear your name called, cross over to my side of this black, shiny thing.

- That's called a piano, Sue. - Santana!

Wheels! Gay kid! Come on! Move it!

Asian! Other Asian.

Aretha. And Shaft.

I don't want to participate in a group that ignores the needs of minority students.

- You have got to be kidding me! - I wouldn't kid about this.

And maybe that's your problem.

Bigotry is no laughing matter.

And that's how Sue sees it.

Outstanding.

- - I wanted to remind you to tell that Quinn girl...

not to vaccinate in the hospital.

I'm pretty sure those shots made my kids stupid.

Oh. I guess I could use the vaccination money...

to buy the organic crib mattress.

I mean, what are the chances of the baby getting polio, right?

- Bye, Kendra. -

- I hate you, Will! - That was rude!

Don't take the stress of your workday out on me.

I don't wanna take it out on you, Terri.

I just don't wanna feel as powerless in my own home as I do at school.

I have to come home and listen to you making major decisions about our son with your sister.

I haven't even felt the baby kick yet...

and the only time I've ever been to an OB/GYN office...

was when I took Quinn and Finn for the 10-week ultrasound.

You did? How's the baby?

Fine. It's a girl. That's not the point.

Well, what is the point, Will?

My point is that I am the father of that baby.

And I'm coming with you to your next doctor's appointment.

- - So what did you have to do to get him to stop?

Let's just say I feel sorry for my dads...

'cause they're probably gonna have to dip into my college fund to pay for intensive therapy.

- Whoa! Hard core. - I don't mind.

- I did it to protect you. - And Quinn.

- Of course. - Yeah.

- We're all teammates. - Hey, I gotta tell you.

You really are awesome.

I'm gonna make it up to you someday, I swear.

- I need another pair. -

- What's wrong with the ones I already gave you? - Look.

- Uh, they still had the tag on them. - Put those away!

I want Rachel Berry panties.

Okay. I expect delivery by tomorrow morning...

- or the story of Quinn Fabray and the stork goes wide. -

I feel an urge to kiss you right now. I'm just gonna go for it.

You stop it!

Okay. Sorry.

- I'm k-k-kind of nervous. - I debated not even showing up.

I think it's gonna be great. Did you catch Sue's Corner last night?

Sometimes people ask me, "Sue, how come you're so sensitive to minorities?"

I'll tell you why.

Because I know firsthand how hard it is to struggle as a minority in America today.

I'm 1/16th Comanche Indian.

In fact, I like minorities so much...

I'm thinkin' of movin' to California to become one.

Hey, kids. Brought some of my brass buddies with me.

Thought maybe they could help us out a little bit. Okay.

So I selected a song that I think will speak to the frustration you've felt...

under the failed leadership of Will Schuester.

"Hate on Me," an R & B song!

- You like that? Yeah. -

Changster, I wanna see some of that pop and lock groove you're so famous for.

You go to town. And you, Mercedes.

- I want to see some Mariah hands. - I can do that.

- Yeah! - I think we g-got this one, Miss Sylvester.

All right. Well, we'll see. Hit it!