Taskmaster NZ

Ta-da!

Oh!

Nutsack!

Welcome along. This is Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells,

and for all intents and purposes of this licensed television format,

I am the Taskmaster.

For 10 weeks, five comedians will seek my approval

by doing things I've asked them to do.

Why are they doing this?

For attention, I suppose. Some probably need the money,

and all of them want this

my golden head, made from pure golden paint

and a hugely uncomfortable moulding process. I sure hope it was worth it.

Competing for this magnificent trophy, we have:

Angella Dravid

Brynley Stent

Guy Williams

Leigh Hart

and Madeleine Sami.

These equally talented and desperate comics

have been performing tasks for me at our secret location.

No one knows how each other did, and we're about to find out.

I will judge them on these tasks and mercilessly rank them from best to worst.

Assisting me along the way, mainly because his schedule is much lighter than mine,

is my close confidante and 2IC, Paul Williams!

Banter here.

We're meant to talk there. It just says 'banter'. That's where we banter.

- It just says 'Banter here.' - Yeah. Banter is you and I talking.

Does this count as banter?

It is bantering, basically.

Well, it's been an honour bantering with you.

Now, full disclosure, Paul is, of course, Guy's brother,

which is either a piece of casting designed to create a fun sibling rivalry dynamic

or merely a reminder that New Zealand has about eight people in it.

Now, Paul, please spare me from any further admin and explain the first task.

Our first task is a prize task.

The contestants have each been asked to bring along a thing.

Jeremy will decide who has brought the best thing,

and the overall winner of tonight's show will take home all five things.

Right. Quite an elaborate system, isn't it?

Not really. It's very straightforward.

But tonight, we've asked each contestant

to bring in the best thing they can't live without.

The most un-live-withoutable thing wins.

All right.

Let's go in the revolutionary

- you're up first. - Um, I brought

my anti-anxiety medication.

Quite a lot of anti-anxiety medication by the looks of it.

Yeah, I, uh, forgot to take them today.

I really hope for the sake of the show that you win today.

Same.

Brynley, what have you brought in?

Um, I brought in my partner, Adam Brown.

Whoever wins tonight will take home your partner.

Yeah, I thought maybe just for an evening. He's good fun to hang out with, so, um...

I will need him back, though.

Right. This is not just some really elaborate way

to break up with someone?

Guy, what did you bring in?

Well, it's well known that I caught the Invercargill poolpooper.

You're welcome, New Zealand. And for doing that great task,

Sir Mayor Tim Shadbolt gave me the key to Invercargill City.

Wow.

It was later found out that I caught the wrong guy,

but I still got to keep the key, and what a massive

prize that would be for anyone who wins that.

Congratulations, Guy, on being the first contestant on New Zealand Taskmaster

to start his own applause.

Yeah!

No? Ok.

Leigh, what did you bring in?

Yeah, look, I just want to say, before I tell you,

I know it's the first episode. I really hope I don't win tonight now,

seeing what's been offered up already, but, um...

Except Angella, of course. That wasn't bad. What...

What I brought in, I don't want to give it away either, which is weird.

It's my electric guitar. You might see a photo here,

and it's got a bottle opener attached to it, you see?

That's good!

Which is, it's just one of those things, and you'll see a lot of signatures

- on the guitar there as well. - Who signed it?

Well, Elvis Presley, um,

- Jimi Hendrix. - What?

John Lennon. Who else is dead?

I don't know who signed it, actually. A lot of people, in a haze, signed it,

and I don't know who they are now.

- People in a Purple Haze, eh? - Yeah!

Mads, what did you bring in?

The thing I can't live without is floss.

Wow.

Don't clap!

It's so boring!

Yeah, non-branded floss is what I can't live without.

Yeah. I have a bit of a thing where I hate the feeling of food in my teeth, and, uh,

that is- I'm boring myself just talking about it, but

it is a thing I cannot live without. Ironically, I don't like wearing thongs,

which has a similar It has a similar effect.

But you don't get food stuck in there.

Oh, sometimes.

I'm a huge floss user. I have a very popcorn-heavy diet,

and, um, I have my shirts customized.

The buttons are stitched on with floss in case of an emergency.

Well, they are too.

Look at that.

Wow!

This is an emergency, yeah.

I might have a little go of that afterwards.

Very smart.

Well, I've got, like, six more buttons, so,...

I've got to bring myself back in here, Mads, but if I'm giving up electric guitar

and you're giving up a thing of floss, non-branded...

Brynley's giving up her boyfriend.

I think he gave up first.

All right. Let's score it, eh?

Angella look, playing fast and loose with prescription medication is dangerous,

and I don't like people messing around with pharmaceuticals,

so I'm just going to give you one point for that.

Leigh, two points. I think the key three points, but only just.

And four points for you, Mads, and then I

think five points. I mean, it's a big sacrifice.

- Thank you. - It's a huge sacrifice.

Ok.

So that puts Brynley in first place and Angella in last place,

but don't worry. There are 49 more tasks to do across the next 10 weeks,

so, Angella, still an outside chance of making a comeback.

Shall we take a look at our first proper task?

Let's do that, eh?

This first task, very much like the rest of the show, is an absolute masterpiece.

The people's champ is here.

Whoa!

Ooh, lucky I didn't go too fast.

Ok.

This is quite trippy, eh?

It's like an eye exam in a nightmare.

All right. Let's do it.

Ah.

'Take one of these letters.'

Ooh! Decisions, decisions.

I'll take this one.

- Hm? - 'Take one of these letters.'

Yeah, you've got to take one of those letters.

Let's go with... S.

I'm going to take D.

D'you know what? I'm going to be really smart about this.

Real intellectual. It's what I'm known for as the people's champ

and I'm going to take a M, because it could also be a W.

- What have you gone with? - M.

- Why did you choose M? - Dunno. No idea.

Cool. I'll take a T.

Yeah, I thought you had another task, didn't ya?

- What? Did that make sense? - No.

'Make a sculpture of something, starting with your letter.

'You may only use items starting with your letter to construct the sculpture.

'Best sculpture wins.

'You have 20 minutes.

'Your time starts now!'

Ok!

First thing that comes to my mind...

is dick.

Which is funny, given that I'm married to a woman.

I'm not gonna do a sculpture of a dick. I probably wouldn't do it justice.

Believe in yourself, Madeleine, and I reckon you could do a dick justice.

Did I ever do a dick justice?

All right. Should we examine some sculptures then, Paul?

All right.

It's worth remembering that our contestants had a whole house full of items

from which to find their building materials.

First, I've grouped two of them together.

Here are the beautiful creations of Guy Williams and Angella Dravid.

I might go upstairs and have a look and see what starts with a T.

- Ok. - Yeah.

Hello. Got a melon, got some mustard and some of those mandarins.

So, I got toilet paper, a three, tea, tape, and a teapot.

Ok, and I'm going to make a... monster, or something.

So, I'm going to make up a sculpture of Tina's torso with toilet paper and tape.

- Oh, no. Man, this is hard to cut. - What is that?

- Am I not allowed to use a knife? - Well, what does the task say?

'You may only use items starting with your letter

to construct the sculpture.'

Ok. All right. Can't use a knife.

Oh, I've already cut it now.

Ah, well. Who gives a shit?

Ok. Maybe I'll put a t-shirt on it.

I guess I gotta, like, smash it on the side of the thing, do I? Quite violently.

That's yum.

- What did you use the teabags for? - Um, the...

tits.

- So, what are you doing there? - Just eating some watermelon.

- Who's Tina? - Uh, she's in witness protection.

She doesn't really want to be talked about.

Oh, sorry.

You'll notice I'm using my M my mouth to make this.

I haven't incorporated the three.

Are we allowed to show three on TVNZ?

I think so.

All right. Yarr!

- Is that the mouth? - Yarrrr!

Or just the whole head at this point.