Star Trek: Lower Decks

Tony.

Gena Marino,

my seventh grade geology teacher?

Wh-What are you doing in space?

And in a revealing toga?

Don't worry about all that, Tony.

Come here, let me brush your hair.

You can tell me about that race car novel you're writing.

Oh, my gosh. I've never

told anyone about that.

I wrote myself in as the main character.

His name's Speedy McWheels.

So clever. Tell me more.

Captain's log, stardate 58256.2.

Jengus IV is a remote planet

which was believed to be uninhabited

until indigenous silicate creatures, called the Scrubble,

started turning Federation scientists into statues.

Captain Murakami of the USSHood

answered the distress call and brokered tentative peace.

With the conflict resolved,

theCerritos and theCarlsbad are coordinating

to relocate the outpost.

Once again, we're cleaning up a mess

for a bunch of outpost scientists.

You know why these guys are always getting eaten,

disappearing, or getting eggs laid in their chest?

'Cause they're working on the frontier?

Because they're weirdos. You want to explore space?

Join Starfleet, go to the Academy.

But no, that's too much effort.

They just got to get their degrees

in studying spores or whatever,

then head off into the quadrant and get devoured by a plant!

Is this a mission briefing or a stand-up routine?

Oh, no, no. His stand-up's more a raw, unfiltered take

on dating and mating.

Anyway, now that the Scrubble and the scientists have agreed

not to attack each other, it's our job to set up a new base

and remove these.

Psychic mines-- They read your thoughts

and bring your fantasies to life, then turn you to stone.

Be careful down there.

Captain wants us to look good in front of the Carlsbadcrew.

Cali-class gets real gossipy.

Glad to see that our priorities are in the right place.

Just follow Stevens's orders like they were coming from me.

Because we're best friends, and we share a sacred bond.

Dismissed.

You have to stop saying that we have a sacred bond.

I feel it, sir, and I know you do, too.

Ooh, Tendi, we're heading

down to the planet to move a bunch of rocks.

Ah, that's so cool. Wish I could join,

but I'm starting my senior science officer training today.

Whoa, look at you, getting all bridge-ready.

I've been prepping so much,

I'm afraid my brain's gonna explode with science.

Ah, that's how I want to go.

All right, I'm off to find out who my senior officer mentor is.

Wish me luck.

Wait, no, wish me facts.

- Ah, Ensign, join me. - Hey, Dr. Migleemo.

Sorry, I don't have time to chat.

I'm actually meeting my mentor

for senior science officer training.

Well, I wonder who that could be. It's me.

- 'Tis I. - Wait, what?

Through the strange alchemy of command,

the task of mentoring you has fallen to me.

Now grab a seat and let's get started.

Oh, and do help yourself to some of these

Corvarian sludge worms. They are exquisitely charred.

- Oh. G-Great. - Mmm!

Lieutenant Commander Stevens?

Ensign Kearns reporting.

We're here to provide assistance from the Carlsbad.

Great. You guys'll dismantle and relocate the outpost equipment.

Cerritos, you're gonna clear

the area of fantasy rocks,

which are still live, so be careful.

Uh, what do we do if our fantasies appear?

Well, they should dissipate after a few hours,

but if anything should try to tempt you,

you know, think about parrises squares.

What up, 'badders?

I'm Mariner, that's Rutherford, and this

little bird-boned fella is Boimler.

Uh, yeah, we know who you are.

Everyone's heard about the Cerritos.

Oh, um, cool?

Oh, hey, you guys were just at Pellex II, right?

Did you get a chance to sneak over

to the old Pleasure Festival?

No, we were aboard our ship, following orders.

We do not sneak.

Yeah, no, I just meant, uh... Look, I don't sneak either.

I-I didn't mean sneak. I just meant, like...

Uh, i-it's gonna be a slog today.

If you guys get sick of dismantling the station,

we can always switch it up.

Uh-huh. Hey, Cor'dee, is "switching it up"

- in our mission parameters? - It is not.

And why are we wasting time with all this talk?

- Uh, well, I just, I... - Eh, look, we've heard about how

you do things on the Cerritos. We're not here to screw around.

What the hell's their problem?

They were acting like the Cerritoswas a joke.

Do we have a reputation?

I don't know. Look, we should probably get to work.

So, have you ever

trained a science officer before?

Absolutely... not, no.

I didn't know they did this.

But Starfleet sent along a lovely manual,

which I have been skimming,

so you and I will be learning together.

Now, isn't that fun?

Sure is.

Now, let's see here.

Table of contents. Good start. Foreword by Ambassador Spock.

Hmm, not bad. Okay, Vulcan stuff, Vulcan stuff,

Vulcan stuff... I tell you what, it would've been logical

- to find an editor. - Just so you know,

I've been studying super hard. Microbiology,

xenobiology, astrobiology...

There really are a lot of sciences, aren't there?

Too many if you ask me.

Ah, it seems like proper amount, but, uh,

what I'm saying is, I think I'm ready for the exam right now.

Oh, well, according to this, science officer training

is less about tests and more about learning to be, ooh,

"the voice of science." Cute.

But maybe it's, like, also a test?

'Cause I just really want to take a test.

Tendi, does it matter how much you know if nobody's listening?

Captains have big egos. You need to cut through that

and speak for science,

which is why you will be serving as a science officer trainee

with Captain Freeman today.

Isn't she busy with an important negotiation?

Exactly.

I want you to focus

on getting the captain's attention.

Really prove that you've got the grapes to stand up to her.

But won't that make her mad?

Oh, definitely.

Garçon, one more round of millet

and cut me off after that.

Whoa.

Hey, Samanthan, you want to come over here

and help me design some Galaxy-class starship engines?

Leah Brahms? No, man, no.

Think about parrises squares, think of parrises squares.

This is your fantasy?

Oh, yeah. Dr. Brahms was instrumental

in advancing warp field theory.

I need a big brain engineer

who can help me extrude some plasma

- and run some tests. - No! Leave me alone.

Look at those stupid Carlsbadensigns.

What did they mean "screw around"?

Cali-class ships are all practically the same.

What the hell are they so smug about?

I mean, we have gotten into some pretty notable shenanigans.

Oh, please, like what?

- We tussled with mugatos. - Well, there was that Klingon

-who took off in the ship -We tussled with the Pakleds.

- And he was drunk. - Twice with the Pakleds.

And we scared the crap out of that drill instructor.

Was there a thing with time travel? Have we done

- a time travel thing? - Okay, okay, I get it,

yeah, shenanigans. You know what?

Today, we're gonna do our job

faster and better

and kick their asses Cerritosstyle.

I mean, we can try, but, I mean, they're kind of amazing.

What the... Did you see that?

She's rubbing it in. No, I'm the one who rubs. I rub.

Okay, you know what, you're right.

Let's pick up the pace and smoke these guys.

Come with me.

We could increase gravimetric power limits

all... night... long.

Rutherford, stay strong. Parrises squares,

ion mallet, shiny blue uniforms. Come on.

I can't believe that's tempting to you.

Yeah, these things'll have to try a lot harder

to get in my head.

Ensign Boimler. There you are.

Quick, get in, son. The Borg are attacking.

Starfleet needs that Boimler magic.

I knew this day would come.

Yes, sir, Admiral, let's...

- Dude, come on. - Huh? Oh, geez, sorry.

Also, a sidecar? Even in your fantasy, you're not driving?

Driving's scary. I'm a natural passenger.

Oh, hey, babe.

I was about to go yell at Ransom,

really tear him a new one for being so annoying.