Family Guy

Rupert, remember that very expensive bottle

of coconut water I got from Pressed Juicery in Newport

that we were saving for a special occasion?

Well, I'm going to need you to get two Dixie cups

and open it!

I got Busy Bee for the second week in a row!

Miss Debby said that I was the best at sharing and helping.

And she didn't even have to say that.

She just had a cyst removed from her ovary.

You were right, Rupert. I did exactly as you said.

I just took it one day at a time

and minded my own beeswax, and now look.

Two weeks in a row.

This is good for us. This is very good for us.

I know I wasn't originally supportive

when you joined A.A., but I have to say,

I've gotten something out of it, too.

I mean, it works when you work, so work it.

Or, y-you know, h-however it goes.

The point is, together, we are unstoppable.

I'm going for three weeks, Rupert.

Nobody's ever gotten Busy Bee three weeks in a row before,

and with you by my side, I know I can do it.

You know, you look good. I don't tell you that enough.

I want to show you how much I appreciate you.

Stewie, are you up there?

Her timing, am I right?

- Stewie? - What?

Oh, there you are, sweetie.

You want some animal crackers?

I just went to the market and got a new crate.

Ugh, can't you ever come back from shopping

without looking like you were getting supplies

for a refugee camp?

They're downstairs if you want some.

Get the hell out of here.

You know what? I actually do want some animal crackers, so...

to be continued.

The stuff is in the top drawer,

so just, you know, get it ready.

I'm going to do something really nice for Rupert.

Show him how much he means to me, Annabelle.

Oh, no, no. No, no, I don't want you to kill anyone.

- I'll let you know. - There you are.

What are you doing up here?

Oh, hey, Bri. I'm making a collage for Rupert.

We've been firing on all cylinders lately,

and I just wanted to let him know I care.

That sounds stupid.

Well, Annabelle doesn't think so.

Right, Annabelle?

Holy, what is that?!

Wow, look at all these old photos.

Aw, I was such a cute puppy.

That's not you. That's Snuffles.

- He got hit by a car. - Oh, word?

You want to see something upsetting?

Look at this photo of Chris.

He's, like, three years old, and he's in a mobility scooter

rolling around an oxygen tank.

Wait. Is that Rupert?

- Oh, yeah, I guess it is. - What's he doing with Chris?

Well, Rupert belonged to Chris before he was yours.

- Didn't you know that? - No, I did not know that.

Yeah, he was named Skippy.

He had a different name?!

Yeah, Skippy. Chris took him everywhere.

- Used to sleep with him, too. - You shut up!

I think he was Peter's before that.

Oh, God, this can't be happening.

I thought Rupert was mine first,

not some multigenerational family dong koozie.

We need to talk, Skippy.

That's right, I know all about you and Chris.

Ah, ah, ah, don't. Don't run out, don't run out.

Look, just sit right there, please.

I'm not angry, all right?

I've j... I've had a lot of time to think,

and, well, look, I-I don't see

why this has to change anything between us.

We both have a past.

Hello, I'm a lady comedienne.

I want to get on stage and talk about my husband

and how he leaves the toilet seat up, et cetera.

Yeah, you don't seem like a lady.

Maybe a boy or a baby or something.

I don't know, but you're no lady.

How dare you, sir!

Must I show you my genitalia

in order to book a gig at this establishment?

- Because I will. - Go on. Beat it, weirdo.

Can I just stick around a little bit

so I can go up onstage when you guys win an Emmy?

Uh, I guess I'll hold it.

I had something memorized, and it all dumped out.

Uh, thank you to the Academy

and to all the viewers who watch.

Is the light keeping you up?

FYI, I'm more in love with Michelle,

if that was even possible.

Oh. Oh, you know, I still have that headache.

Well, if you want to go over to Chris's room...

I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I said I wouldn't do that, and I did it.

I'm just gonna finish this chapter.

I'm trying, Rupert.

I really am. I want this to work.

It's just that sometimes I picture you in his bed, and...

Anyway, big day tomorrow. They're picking Busy Bee.

I should get some sleep.

I'm sorry.

Nights are hard.

Well...

I didn't get it. They gave Busy Bee to Frederick.

Frederick!

I'm not gonna hit you, so relax.

Anyway, the point is

it's not working anymore, Rupert.

I can't focus. I can't concentrate.

Clearly, my work is suffering.

Look, we're both adults. We can split custody of Simon.

I guess I'd better tell him.

Simon?

You know Mommy and Daddy love you very much.

But Mommy and Daddy need some time apart.

Simon.

Simon. Simon.

Knock, knock.

Stewie, can you see who's there?

- What? - Someone was knocking at the door.

It-it was me. I just went "knock, knock."

There they are again.

I don't even know how to process that,

so I'm just gonna crack on.

I have somebody here that would like to see you.

- Your teddy bear. - You don't have to be coy.

I know he was yours first.

And, well, I want you to have... Skippy back.

- I know you're going to try and stop me, but hear me... - Okay.

Oh. Great.

Then I'll just leave him here.

I hope you're both very happy together, Chris.

He belongs with you, not me.

Well, I should get back to my book.

That's a clock, but okay.

This is just one night, got it?

Now, I'm going to call you Rupert.

You okay with that?

And tomorrow, nothing happened.

By the way, I have a Sleep Number bed.

But don't worry, I don't use it for sexual purposes.

What do you think of that?

That something you can work with?

Well, looks like someone was up late.

Yeah, I tend to sleep a little longer

when I'm resting under a big, furry bear.

Oh, no! They's doin' gay jokes without me.

Shh, shh, shh, shh. It's okay.

You're part of it now.

God, you're sexy.

What are you looking at?! I told you that was one night!

Now get out. I called you an Uber.

I'll know if you went further than your house.

- Hey, what are you doin'? - Oh, hey, Bri.

I was just putting some product in my hair, you know.

Yeah, this looks good. Give it a little height.

Let everyone know Stewie's back on the market.

I heard that on Friends.

Did you know they're all 60 now?

I knew Courteney Cox was.

So, how you doing with Rupert gone and everything?

Are you kidding? I'm fantastic!

He was kind of holding me back, if I'm being honest.

It's time I got out there again. I've had one bear my whole life.

- That's not normal. - Nothing about you is normal.

I mean, I've already wasted a whole year of my life with him.

There's only been a year of your life.

You know, all of your responses have been very similar,

so you might want to nip that in the bud.

Look, the truth is, things got a bit stale between us.

There wasn't one part of Rupert's body

that I didn't know by heart.

None of it excites me anymore.

Well, do you want me to keep an eye on Rupert for you?

Make sure he's doing okay?

No need. I turned him into a nanny cam.

- A nanny cam? - Yeah, I put it inside him.

Deep. It's inside him now.

I-I don't know how to respond that won't sound similar

to other responses I've made, so just, uh, continue.

Right. Well, whenever Chris and Rupert interact,

ten minutes later, I'll get a chime notification on my phone,

and I can pull up the video.

Why is there a delay?

Why can't you get the video immediately?

I don't know. Why can't you poop on a toilet?

Fair.

Ah, it's chiming, it's chiming.

Okay, okay, calm down, just calm down.

Now, what do we have?