Jersey Girl

Destroy the Earth.

Destroy the Earth.

Destroy the Earth.

Destroy the Earth.

Destroy the Earth.

Coming in for a landing.

Destroy the Earth.

Hey!

Gimme that.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, what is going on here?

I didn't do it on purpose.

Yes, you did.

No. Jason, we don't hit.

You got to use your words.

Come on, I want to hear you use your words. Go ahead.

I think what you did was wrong.

Friends don't do that to each other.

Sorry.

Can you guys shake hands?

Oh.

You guys are good, huh?

All right, now, I'm out of here, and I want you to play nicely, ok?

Ok. All right.

Bye.

What do you think, pretty face?

Am I dynamite in this, or what?

You actually bought that?

Yeah, I actually bought it.

You think they give shirts like this away?

It took $46. Hey, if you don't like it, who cares?

Don't look.

No. I... I... I like it.

I like it.

You do? You're sure?

Otherwise I could take it back.

No, I'm positive.

It's great on you, Pop. They're your colors.

Yeah, that's what I figured. The colors.

It makes me look like a young Tony Bennett.

Only handsomer.

And thinner.

Hey, Pop, my sink's still leaking.

Can you stop over?

Now that you're such a big shot

living alone, fix your own sink.

At my age, I should be living alone.

No, no, at your age you should be...

What?

Nothing.

What?

I didn't say anything. What did I say?

Don't start with me, ok?

I'm not starting. You're starting.

But, um,

seeing that you brought it up,

there's this guy I met. His name's Gino.

Terrific guy. He's apprentice plumber.

But I'm telling you, this kid's got a head on his shoulders.

He's gonna have his own shop someday.

Does he speak English yet?

He's learning.

That's good, Pop. Keep 'em coming.

So, uh, want to stay and play poker with us tonight?

I can't. I'm meeting the girls.

How come you're always meeting the girls?

How come you're never meeting a guy?

And how come my sink leaks when my father's a plumber, huh?

See you, Pop.

Yeah, see you.

You look good tonight, Ange.

I do, right?

Yeah, I like that shirt.

I got this at Rassini's.

You did? How much?

$13.99.

No way.

I can't believe you guys shop there.

What's wrong with Rassini's?

Nothin', if you like cheap clothes.

They have the same stuff as Stardrift's.

They have the same exact stuff, Cookie.

You guys, you don't know how to shop.

And you probably don't have any money in the bank.

No, I don't. Everything I own is on me.

You shop the way you shop, and then we'll shop the way we shop.

Wholesale

Or no sale.

You're so cheap.

Mmm.

I told her no French fries. I'm on a diet.

You hear that, Toby? Angie's on a diet.

No French fries, but a half a barbequed chicken's all right.

0h, you're so special, Cook.

Did I tell you how nice your roots are looking?

Cook, the mustard.

What?

It's all over you.

Put, put, put club soda on that.

Ange, you know what club soda gets out? Club soda.

No, it works. Club soda works.

Miss, could we have club soda here, please?

Jeez, Ange, I don't think enough people heard you.

Excuse me. What is wrong, Tobe?

Every Friday night we go to the same place, with the same people.

We eat the same garbage food.

The last guy I made love to forgot my name.

There is something desperately wrong with my life.

Come on, Toby, you'll feel better in the morning.

If you don't, you just give it a couple of days,

and then something really bad'll happen,

and then you'll forget all about this feeling.

Is that supposed to make me feel better, Dottie?

It always works for me.

Ange, see this guy?

Who is this?

I don't know. Just some guy.

But there's thousands of them in Manhattan, and none in Jersey.

This is the kind of guy

that doesn't eat in front of the sports page, Cookie.

This is the kind of guy who remembers your name.

He doesn't forget your anniversary.

You know, he writes you love notes.

He plans special things for you to do.

I love the way these guys look at these girls

like they're the most unique things on the planet.

That's 'cause they are.

They're 5'11", and they weigh 100 pounds.

So what?

I want someone to look at me that way.

Toby, would you get real?

These guys are totally out of our league.

They go out with, like, model-actress types.

If you were an uptown kind of guy, would you want one of us?

Depends if you want a good blowjob or not.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Tobe, we know what you're talking about.

What we are talking about is real.

What you are talking about is nuts.

Don't worry. He'll show up.

I don't think he's gonna show here, Dottie.

I think I gotta go find him.

Hey, Toby, I know where I'd be if I was a cool guy.

Yeah, where?

Inside a cool girl.

Aren't you guys sick of guidos running around

in guinea tees, driving Camaros?

Doesn't that make you sick?

No.

What do you want, Tobe? You want some guy from Manhattan

driving a Mercedes or something?

You think that's gonna make you feel better?

Yeah, maybe.

So go cruise a car lot.

Yeah, while you're at it, you can polish your fender.

Maybe I will.

Come on, you're not serious.

I'll do something.

She's serious.

What's wrong with meeting a guy that way?

Well, nothin'.

Not if you're the most beautiful girls in the world,

which we are not.

Actually, maybe I am.

Those are the interest charges we discussed.

Hello.

May I, uh, help you?

No, I'm just looking around. Thanks.

You're gonna love this car.

This is stupid.

I've seen enough. Thank you.

Stupid idea, but I'm over it now.

Ok.

Don't do this to me, all right?

Goddamn it!

Thank you.

Ooh!

Excuse me, can you move your car forward so I can get by?

Hello?

Can you move your car forward so I can get by?

Sure. Sure, no problem.

No, no! Forward! Forward!

Sorry. Sorry.

Never mind. Never mind. I'll... I'll go around you.

Ok.

Excuse me!

Could you please tell me how to get to the, uh...

What? I'm... I'm not from around here. I don't know.

Oh, shit. Oh...

Oh!

Shit.

Oh.

Are you ok, huh? Are you ok?

Come on, come on. You sure? You sure?

Sit down, sit down, sit down until you're really sure.

Come on, breathe. Breathe. You all right?

Yeah. I'm all right. You ok?

I'm fine.

Oh, Jesus... I can't even look. I can't even look.

I'm sorry.

That's all you can say is, "I'm sorry"?