Fierce People

There's this tribe in South America called the Ishkanani.

That means "Fierce People".

They're the meanest people in the world.

They'll cut off your thumbs and they'll shit in your hammock...

just like we say hello.

Look at that jerk! That's me at 15.

That's me in our loft in New York City.

That's my father, Fox Blanchard...

the anthropologist who made first contact with the Ishkanani.

I was conceived after my mother attended his lecture at her college.

Never met him. But just shy of my 16th birthday...

he surprised me with a copy of his documentary...

and an invitation to spend the summer with him and the Fierce People.

That's my mom.

I don't know who that guy is.

Back then she was a professional masseuse. Very professional.

She held a degree in Swedish massage...

and she never slept with the clients.

This man probably got many things from my mother that night...

but a Swedish massage was definitely not one of them.

Mom liked to brag that Ogden C. Osborne...

seventh richest man in America...

once gave her a $1,000 tip and all he got was a one-hour back rub.

She bought a pair of binoculars for me and eight balls of blow for herself.

It's supposed to be this big tragedy if the kid's parents get high...

but my mom was kind of fun when she was loaded.

I mean, how many kids can say their moms like debating...

whether Space Ghost could beat up Speed Racer?

But most of the time she wasn't fun at all.

Especially in the morning.

Especially this morning.

Finn! Get in here! Get this thing off me!

Mom! What the hell are you doing? We have to get my passport!

You gotta get it together! I know what you are looking for!

I'll be fine as soon as I get a pick-me-up, you know?

The passport office closes at four. I'm leaving tomorrow.

To the Ishkanani, life-altering moments don't happen by accident.

They would say that that bookcase didn't fall...

it was pushed by evil spirits...

who steal the souls of children while they sleep.

I've always believed invisible forces were at work that day.

Forces I didn't yet understand.

There you are. Go.

Everybody on the ground! Now! On the ground!

You could've said it was for me. You didn't have to take the blame.

Really? Well, do you want me to go back and tell the truth, mom?

It's right there. I would be more than willing to do that.

- My God! I can't believe you're... - Give me the phone.

The telephone, please?

I need to be alone.

A series of forever-altering events.

A tumbled bookcase, a drug bust and a phone call.

The phone call to the seventh wealthiest man in America.

A man so rich, he promoted his chauffeur to be chief of police...

in his own little kingdom.

Mom?

- What? - There's a cop downstairs.

Pack your stuff. We're leaving.

Mom! What's going on? Where's this guy taking us?

We're going to Mr. Osborne's place in the country.

What? The geezer from the hospital? What's she gonna do with him?

The courts have placed you in my custody...

while your mom gives Mr. Osborne physical therapy.

My mother is a fucking masseuse, all right?

This summer, you're gonna have to start watching your language.

Summer? What the hell do you mean? Are you crazy?

I gotta be in New York for court, mom.

No, you don't. Mr. Osborne took care of all that.

- Isn't that great, Lambie? - What do you mean?

I'm not such a bad mother.

This is the story of my time amongst the Fierce People...

during the summer of 1980...

in deepest, darkest New Jersey.

Mr. Osborne's got 9,356 acres.

Over 10 square miles.

See that?

Makes his pear brandy just the way they do in France.

Let's do it.

It's a dream.

- Thank you. Bye. - All right.

- Thank you. - Bye.

Thank God I wore underwear.

Making punch?

I got my first AA meeting today, Finn.

- I'm gonna do things right this time. - I'll say.

You've never had a rich boyfriend before.

I told you, Mr. Osborne is not my boyfriend.

He's a kind man who's willing to help us out.

You find this book here?

I've had that book for several months now.

Really? Does it have a happy ending?

Does being a shit about all this make it easier for you?

In a word, yes.

You gonna snort that?

Whose car?

Mr. Osborne's butler brought it back for us to use.

- Can I drive it? - You don't have a license.

You're the one who said it was for us to use.

I did say that. I know you're mad at me...

Mad? No, I'm grateful.

I almost got stuck having to spend the entire summer...

in the South American rain forest with the Ishkanani.

But, lucky me, I get to be here with you, which is wonderful.

Go ahead. If you get arrested, I'll just say you stole it.

It's actually not as much fun if you're not down for the count.

Thank you, sir.

The servant's entrance is in the rear. You'll find appropriate parking there.

Herbert! No!

- Let me get that for you. You go in. - Thank you.

Herbert, if you had any idea...

how long I've been waiting to get this woman across my threshold.

- Whitney! - Hi, Whitney!

Gentleman and a scholar.

Whitney!

Gentleman and a scholar.

"Dear dad, since I can't be with you and the Fierce People...

I'll make an anthropological study of the people of Vlyvalle.

From the society magazines left around the house we're staying in...

I'm able to figure out who is who.

It's weird how much they're like a tribe.

By my count, Mr. Osborne has had about six wives.

His daughter lives here with her two kids.

The chief's grandson flies around in a hot air balloon...

with a babe in a dashiki. And his sister is into horses.

And there's this cop who runs errands for Mr. Osborne.

And he looks just like Barry White.

Now Mom, she also works for the chief."

- Daddy? - Herbert.

- Daddy? Hi. - Hi.

You didn't tell me that your new friend was a doctor.

I felt so foolish yesterday.

The maid was just going on and on and on about Dr. Earl this...

and Dr. Earl that.

- Felt foolish? Amazing. - I thought she was just a masseuse.

Well, you were wrong. Dr. Earl, meet my daughter Pilar.

It was nice to meet you, Dr. Earl.

Christ! No wonder I'm sick.

What's wrong?

I never told anyone I was a doctor!

For 10 square miles I'm king.

If I say you're a doctor, you're a doctor.

Which is not to say there's anything wrong with being a masseuse.

Okay?

Oh, God! Oh, God!

"There's this big retard in the woods who draws dirty petroglyphs...

who's obviously gotta be somebody because he's a fifth.

- And there's this weird..." - Finn!

- "And, dad..." - Finn!

"We've got a maid. And she's my age."

- You wanna shotgun? - Sure! What is it?

"And very friendly."

You wanna fool around?

Sure.

You're weird.

- Jilly. - I still have to vacuum.

Jilly, I'm sorry! It's just that...

Just never seen him before.

The Ishkanani say that everyone has an animal spirit.

It's called your nureshi.

It's a spiritual counselor that keeps the tribe from breaking your taboos.

- He's really talented. - I'm not sure what mine is yet.

Mom! Look at that.

I'll stop giving you shit about Osborne if you put that one on.

Come on, please! And I'll put that tallyho outfit on...

and we can parade around with that stuffed dog thing.

- The color matches your eyes. - Hi!

Her eyes are the color of celery?

- How you doing, Liz? - You know, one day at a time.

That's what they say, right?

This is my son, Finn. And this is Dr. Leffler.

You can call me Dick.

Nice to meet you, Dr. Dick.

I left a message on your machine...

see if you wanted a lift to tomorrow's nooner.

- I'd like that. - Great. Till then.

See ya.

Mom? You're allowed to date Dr. Dick while you're sleeping with Osborne?

His name is Dr. Leffler. I met him at AA.

You're not supposed to know that because it's anonymous.

I'm not dating him. And cut it out about me screwing Osborne!

You think it's a good idea, sleeping with Osborne's doctor?

Jesus, Finn!

I didn't mind my mother doing Osborne. I mean, she's done worse.

I just didn't like her thinking that she was fooling me.

Bryce! Open up this door.

Bryce!

Open this door immediately!

I know that you're in there.

Coco, if you wanna hide from me...

you should make less noise when you're rutting!

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

If you wanna keep your job, you should spend less time eavesdropping.

I don't work for you.

- What's your name? - Finn Earl.

Right, the famous doctor's son.

Bryce, this is rude!

You already stood me up for tennis! We're gonna be late to see your father!

I don't know what he sees in that girl.

She claims to be a Nigerian princess.

But people claim to be all sorts of things they're not these days.