Creepshow

And in other news,

this Hollywood Prop Museum

is set for a grand reopening this week.

I'll bid 10,000.

I'll bid 30,000.

Each year, millions of dollars change hands as

collectors seek to curate relics of movie history.

Everyone from average moviegoers to world-class collectors will

be in attendance this Friday on Hollywood Boulevard.

Rumors surrounding Lampini's Skeletons in the Closet

have been rattling the competition

ahead of the premiere.

This is surely an exhibition to die for.

Woo!

Come on, Burke, show me.

What's in the box?

Balls.

Yeah, you got balls. Spill it!

Oh my god!

Voila!

Sweet.

If it's real. - Oh, 100% it's authentic.

- Eep! - Coscarelli's mother had this

in her attic for the past 40 years.

Doting moms, they're a collector's wet dream.

True, that.

So, uh, where's the boss man? - Where else?

In his lab, working out some last-minute details.

Premiere is in two days. Can you believe it?

He put his heart and soul into this place.

Not to mention every last dime his father left him.

It'll kill him if this bombs.

Well, if he does decide to drop dead,

maybe me and you could elope.

Sorry, Burke. You'll never have what he has.

And what is that?

Magic. From the moment we met,

it's like we've been two peas in a giant seed pod.

If you say so. Well, look, I'm out of here.

Oh, and if you happen to see Mr. Seed Pod,

let him know I got a line on the hero face hugger from "Alien."

Will do! Hasta la vista, baby!

Hey, you probably shouldn't touch this.

Just chill, who cares? She won't notice.

Yo! Dipshit! Hands off!

When you visit the Louvre,

do they let you fondle the Mona Lisa?

Who?

The Mona Lisa, the famous painting?

Do you think they let you touch it?

Spoiler alert: there's a giant fucking sign that says

keep your fucking hands off the fucking art.

Chill, lady, it's just dust.

Hey, maybe we could snort it.

Maybe we could snort it?

Maybe you two assholes

could just choose to get out right now.

You must choose, but choose wisely.

I got this. No problem.

What's her problem?

No problem. She's just protecting the art.

Now, this chalice was rumored to bestow eternal life

upon anyone that drank from it.

It's part of motion picture history.

In the same way, props bring eternal life to movies.

They're immortal.

Unlike stars themselves, props never die.

Look around.

These pieces weren't generated in a computer.

They were handcrafted by artisans.

They have heart and soul.

Just think, what would Freddie be without his glove?

Hm? Or a star captain without his chair?

And old Norman Bates couldn't very well become his own mother

without the proper wig.

Baby, you forgot to say spoiler alert.

I didn't forget. Everybody's seen "Psycho."

You two have seen "Psycho." - Vince Vaughn, yo.

Oh, Jesus. I just swallowed my own vomit.

Hey, what's back there?

Ah, ah, ah!

No spoilers.

You'll have to hold out for our world premiere.

I know you're really gonna dig it.

Fuck!

Hey! What's with the puss?

I just got boned. Outbid at the last second.

By who else? - Bateman.

He's my Khan. Khaaaaaaan!

What was it?

David Warner's decapitated head from "The Omen."

Oh babe, I'm so sorry.

Love means never having to say you're sorry.

Mm? Cooper drives the boat, Chief.

Mm.

So, what does this guy have against you, anyway?

Not me. My dad. Started before I was even born.

I was--

I just inherited the grudge.

- Bateman knew your father? - Yup.

They were rival collectors back in the pre-Comic-Con days.

He desperately wanted something he had,

and Pop refused to give it to him.

- Let me guess: the flux capacitor.

No. My mother.

She was uniquely beautiful.

Pop called her a masterpiece.

The two of them met working at the Magic Castle in Hollywood.

Uh, Pop was a table magician and Mom worked the coat check.

So it runs in the family.

- What's that? - Magic.

- Well, not quite. Pop's magic was real.

He had a way of--well, bringing his props to life.

I'm not even in the same league.

But, I did manage to get my hands on my own masterpiece.

Well...

Bateman can keep David Warner's decapitated head.

He'll never have what you have.

So...

You wanna do it in the captain's chair?

Affirmative!

Hello, gorgeous.

-Good evening. - Hello.

We're actually closing up shop in a few moments, but, uh,

pop back in tomorrow for the world premiere

of our brand-new exhibit.

New exhibit indeed.

Well, from the look of it,

a few minutes should be more than adequate.

- Well, I'm gonna have to charge you full price.

Full price it is.

- This here is Bruce Campbell's chainsaw used in "Evil Dead 2."

Hm.

That one right there?

Dennis Hopper's screen-used chainsaw

from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2."

- What's so funny? - Nothing. Nothing at all.

You don't seem very impressed.

- I would be if you told me there was the actual chainsaw

used by Gunnar Hansen in the original

"Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

"Chainsaw 2"? Sequelitis. It's a disease.

- You're preaching to the converted, bub.

Aaah!

Unfortunately, the original chainsaw no longer exists.

Oh? I beg to differ.

Personally acquired from the Tobe Hooper Estate.

Holy shit!

- If that could be authenticated,

I might be interested in taking it off your hands.

- You couldn't afford it.

Maybe not in cash.

- What else did you have in mind?

- Hey, watch the eyes there, ponytail.

- Danielle? Show him the shoe.

- Worn by Rosa Klebb in "From Russia with Love."

The last surviving pair.

- Cute. - Cute?

- I recently acquired a Little Nellie gyrocopter

from "You Only Live Twice."

Still flies, great on fuel.

That's a mite better than an old shoe.

Due respects to the lady's feet.

- This could go back and forth all day, cut to the chase.

What do you really want...Bateman?

Bateman?

- In the flesh. And you're right.

I dropped by for a reason.

Hey, can't you read?

- I've never been one for waiting.

My god.

The stories were true.

The holy grail of movie props.

Actual human skeletons as they appeared on screen.

Your father was a hoarder of beautiful things, but this?

Keeping gems hidden from the fans, it's criminal!

This once's from-- ha, ha, "Raiders."

Poor Marion.

And--and--and "Poltergeist."

Oh, and--and who do we have here?

Ah, yes! The original!

It's great to see you again, old friend.

Wow.

Beautiful!

Oh, and--

And just the little lady I was hoping to see.

Last but not least, the basement zombie from "Dawn of the Dead."

The Romero classic, of course.

- Is there any other? - Fast zombies suck.

I admit. I'm impressed.

- No, you're not. I'm gotta ask you again.

What do you really want?

- I'm not a greedy man.

I'll settle for this fellow over here.

Sorry, Bateman.

My props are family, and family's not for sale.

- Did it sound like I was negotiating?

What the hell is that?

-Ancient relics called newspaper clippings.

This is an interesting little tidbit from