Mr. Accident

Dinner's ready, kids!

Oh, boy, eggs! Yum! Eggs. Yum!

I slave all day trying to keep this caravan tidy for your father,

and look at what you've done!

What's he done this time?

He's been using his imagination again!

It's a drawing of our family, Daddy.

What are us Crumpkins?

We're parts people! We're parts people!

We're parts people! We don't make things up. We take things to pieces!

Always have! Always will!

Five, four, three, two, one.

Ping!

Sleep in, eh, Barry?

Scrambled, just how you like them.

Eggs. Beats me how anyone can eat them.

Stay.

Huh?

Don't panic.

Huh?

Hello?

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Hello?

Nice one.

It's the neighbors. Oh, mate, this is Jenny.

Hello.

Come on, this way.

Look, here, egg, egg.

Jesus, what a shitty fridge!

Anyway, back to me.

Here I am, mid-30s and I've finally realized my heart belongs in eggs.

You don't know how long I've waited to hear that, Duxton.

I mean, you have had such a dubious career path.

Kelvin, that's all behind me. I'm totally hip to health now.

That's where the new century's going. That's where I'm coming from.

I thought Roger fixed that. He did.

Roger's our...

...maintenance man. Maintenance man.

Roger! Gymbals jammed on number three yolk analyzer.

Good as fixed, Bob!

I understand you're the firm's biz whiz? Just the accountant.

The boss tells me that you're well hung in the frontal lobe department.

So, happy with turnover, professor?

It's been falling but we're confident

things are really going to pick up in the next quarter.

That's what they said about the Roman Empire.

Profit isn't everything. Thank you, Lyndon.

Duxton, I respect the egg.

This humble sphere has sustained humankind through the ascent of civilization.

It's the symbol of life! Natural, nutritious, perfect.

Our customers are like family and a man's family deserves the best. Right, Audrey?

The firm's policy has always been to value the quality of the egg.

And what about the quality of your bottom line?

Conservatism is the enemy of the entrepreneur.

If the Wright Brothers didn't take a few risks,

there'd be no such thing as frequent flyer points. Think about it.

Whoa!

Two million free-range eggs a day.

There we are.

There's the pair of Leghorn layers daddy gave you.

How did you turn those two scrawny birds

into the biggest free-range egg empire in the country?

Love.

Love your customers. Love your workers.

Love your chickens.

Beautiful.

So what say I, uh,

start you off as... President of the company.

Well, with that kind of ambition, maybe one day you'll...

That day is today. You're resigning. Making me head rooster.

Just sign where I've marked.

Why would I do that? Eggs are my life.

Well, I'm poaching your factory, now sign!

Over my dead body!

That is your option. I'm not scared of you!

Is that so? Maybe your girlfriend here would like a manicure.

No! I'll sign. But you're no longer a brother of mine.

Cool, that'll save me a Christmas card.

Kelvin wouldn't just leave without saying goodbye.

Goes to show how unimportant employees are to management.

Maybe Kelvin's brother will be good for the company.

I don't know. He seems kind of scary to me.

Hey you!

What a loser.

Get me wheels!

You can't just dump Kelvin's fridge.

It's a rare 1959 Freezemaster Deluxe. It's a classic valve model!

It's s a disgrace! These old refrigerators are an environmental nightmare.

They leak fluorocarbons into the ozone layer.

But the sum of its parts is worth more than the whole fridge.

I could dismantle it and... Hey, fella!

We've only got one planet!

But dumping is wasteful. Why not recycle it? Recycle.

From here the scrap goes to the blast furnace for meltdown.

Straight to oblivion! Beautiful.

Top of the range, state of the art, twin door, auto defrost, Arctic Prince 2000!

He said he used to be a top executive

for one of the biggest corporations in the world.

Then he told me he's come up with a vitamin enriched hen food

that'll produce super-healthy eggs!

He should be reducing costs, not increasing them!

He's a fiscal playboy! He'll destabilize our company!

But if his new chicken feed is even healthier,

our chooks'll be happier so they'll lay more humpties.

Hey, what will we have for dinner tonight?

I can cook anything you like, as long as it's chicken.

I like Tandoori Chicken. I like Sweet and Sour Chicken.

I like Garlic Chicken, I like Southern Fried Chicken.

Good girl.

I like Hawaiian Chicken. I love barbequed Chi... Hold it.

What? Where's that fleabag hitching a ride to?

She needs a place to crash. So get her a room at the pound.

She's lonely without Kelvin. He just deserted her.

Dogs have got feelings, too. Haven't you, Audrey?

You know, Roger, you have so much love to give.

If you could just find the right woman.

I've found her, Lyndon. I mean a female of your own species.

[BOTH IMITATING HENS CLUCKING]

Hey, how about we hit the clubs tonight?

What for? What for?

You're a hot-blooded, testosterone-pumping male.

Sorry, I'll be too busy.

Doing what? My hobby.

Roger, taking stuff apart is not a hobby.

What you've got is a compulsive obsessive dismantling fixation.

If you ask me, it's you that's falling apart. You need to get out.

Get a life. Live a little!

Who'd look after Audrey and Barry?

Well, I think for one evening a dog and a goldfish can amuse themselves.

Don't look at me. I'm not a dog person.

Lyndon,

you know I'm not very good with...

Come on Roger, you can say it. Girls.

Circus.

You know, babe, I'm a sucker for a well-cut uniform.

Oi!

Go...

Seiko.

What did you call me? He called you a psycho.

No. Your watch, Seiko!

Three hundred and seventy eight parts in those babies.

Main spring, rocker arm, spindle clips, timing gear, winder shaft...

I'm meeting somebody.

But I could do with a drink while I'm waiting.

Two Margaritas. Make them doubles.

Ah, thanks, but I don't drink much.

Relax. They're both for me.

And for you, Ace?

Milkshake. Make it vanilla.

So, you're interested in parts?

Yep. See you.

Are you here by yourself? No. I'm with him.

Fag? Huh?

No, thanks. I don't smoke personally.

You're not one of those anti-smoking fascists, are you?

Yes.

I mean no. Go ahead then.

Filter, filter wrap, outer wrap, tobacco. That's about it, four parts.

Don't mind if I do.

Just the one.

It takes seven seconds for the nicotine to reach the brain,

stimulate the neurons and create a brief, euphoric sensation.

Come on.

In some cases, the brain can develop an instant addiction after just one cigarette.

So, do you find people who smoke attractive?

Roger!

Do you know this dweeb?No.

Are you kidding!

Come on, you guys. I only went out for few hours.