Friends

Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know that I love you.

And I had a great time on our honeymoon.

I can't wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.

You're sticking with the shell necklace, huh?

- Hey, you're back! Woo-hoo! - Yay!

- Come on in! - Yeah, come on!

How was the honeymoon?

So much fun. The best part is, we met this incredible couple on the flight back.

That was the best part? Good honeymooning, tiger.

They're cool. They were on their honeymoon too.

They're terrific. They live here in the city.

Can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call.

Sorry, we're excited. We finally have a couple to hang out with.

A couple? Like two people? Like one, two people?

This is different. Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.

Ugh, Greg and Jenny. Ugh! "Hi, Greg. I'm Chandler. This is Monica."

"Hi, Monica. This is Jenny." "Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg."

- Listen, they're great. If you got a chance... - You know what?

Why don't you give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here.

- We didn't get a chance to... - You've got to be kidding me!

- We didn't get anything for anyone. - Mm-hm, yeah. Nice necklace.

That you can have.

- Hi. Hey!

- Hello! - Welcome home.

So, how was the honeymoon?

Great! How about you? I mean, you're having a baby!

- Oh, look, I have a sonogram picture. - Oh, good.

Ross, it's got your wavy, black lines.

So now that Ross knows, can you tell us how it happened?

When did it happen? How many times did it happen?

- Monica, that's not right. - What?

Start with where.

Well, it happened about six weeks ago.

And, uh, I had just got home from work and Ross was already there.

- I guess he'd been hanging out with Joey. - You're welcome, buddy.

Yeah, thanks.

And so I had a lot of work, and Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out.

And then we had wine, we got to talking.

Next thing you know, out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.

Um, heh. That's...

That's a little misleading.

- What is? - The lie you just told.

- That you came on to me? - There's the one!

- But you did. Let's be honest. - Yes, let's.

You know what? Uh, it's not important.

Heh, what's important is that we're having a baby.

It doesn't matter who came on to who.

"Whom."

That's right.

- You kissed me first. - What? You were begging me to kiss you!

You were sending me signals all over the place.

- I was sending signals? Please. - Yeah.

Okay, anyone think that I'd actually send Ross begging signals?

Please, show of hands.

It doesn't matter what people "believe." What matters is what happened.

These signals, explain this. Maybe I need to be more careful.

Am I you sending these signals right now?

- You know what? Just drop it. - Show me how I begged you.

I can show you! I have it on videotape.

It's an expression.

I can't believe he taped the two of them having sex.

Yeah. You gotta tell a girl before you tape her.

Such a rookie mistake.

- Know who has a great camera? - Greg and Jenny?

- Do you want to call them? I want to. - Let's call.

Ask them if they brought their friends souvenirs.

Hello? 8th Street Deli?

Hey, hang up. You get food poisoning just talking to that place.

- Sorry, wrong number. - Here you go, babe.

Hello? It's the deli again!

All right, I'll have a sandwich.

I don't think this number's right.

- What? - You got fake-numbered.

- What? People don't do that. - Oh, I think we do.

- A fake number? Why would they do that? - I don't know.

You were a delight to talk to.

You asked those insightful, great questions.

And you've never been funnier.

I mean, joke, joke, joke! You were a hoot!

Don't worry about it. You still got me and Phoebe.

Excuse me, I don't want Greg and Jenny's rejects.

Rachel won't talk to me. She won't open the door.

Hmm, I wonder why, pervert.

Okay, listen, I am not a pervert.

That's, like, the pervert motto.

Yeah, they have you raise your right hand...

...put your left hand down your pants and repeat that.

Filming Rachel was not something I planned.

Look, here's what happened. And Joey can back me up on this.

About a month and a half ago, remember I came to you with a problem?

Um, a...

The personal thing?

- Pers...? What personal thing? - About... About sex?

That I hadn't had sex in months?

Yeah, I knew what you were talking about.

- Hey. - Hey.

Do you have a minute?

I'd like to talk about something I'm uncomfortable talking about.

Sure, yeah.

How about, uh, you showering with your mom?

I actually had a topic in mind.

I'm kind of going through a dry spell, sex-wise.

- Oh, for, like, months? - Five, to be...

...lying. Six.

Six months? That's rough.

Well, it's not all bad. I'm learning to appreciate the, uh, small things in life.

Like the sound of a bird, or the color of the sky.

The sky's blue, Ross. And I had sex yesterday.

Please help me. I have a date tonight.

It has to go well. I'm scared for my health.

Okay, okay. Oh! I got something. It's this story that I came up with.

Very romantic. Any woman that hears it, they're like putty.

Really? Tell it to me.

Okay. Now, you're gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it.

But you have to remember, it is just the story.

- I'll try to control myself. - Okay. Ahem.

Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe...

Heh, you were backpacking across Europe?

- Have a nice six more months, Ross. - Okay, okay!

I'm sorry. Please, please. You were in Western Europe, and?

I was outside Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.

I was at the end of this path. I came to a clearing, and there was a lake.

Very secluded. There were tall trees all around.

It was dead silent. Gorgeous.

And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself.

But she was crying.

Why?

Mm! Mm, this is great wine.

It's from France.

In Europe.

Western Europe.

You know, um, a few years ago I was backpacking across Western Europe.

- Really? - Mm-hm. Wait, it gets better.

Um, yeah, I was in, um, Barcelona.

I studied for a year in Barcelona.

- Anyway, um, so I was hiking... - I love hiking!

Oh, that's great!

I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo...

- I think it's "Tibidabo." - Okay, do you want to tell the story?

Whoa, what are you doing here? How'd your date go?

Great. I'm across the street having sex right now.

- Your story sucks. - If it didn't work, you didn't tell it right.

- Show me how you did it. - No, I don't want to.

- How long since you seen a girl naked? - I was backpacking across Western Europe.

- I'm not feeling it. - I was outside Barcelona, hiking...

- No, Ross, I'm not hot. Are you hot? - It's been six months. I'm always hot.

You're not selling the story. You don't believe it.

I gotta go, I got a date. But try this.

Do what I do when I'm preparing for an audition.

I'll set you up with my video camera.

You can record yourself and see what you're doing wrong.

I'll try that.

All right. Now, you're all set up. Good to go.

- Just hit record. Good luck. - Thanks.

And Joe, listen. If you ever have any problem with the ladies...

...you know I'll help you out.

That means a lot to me, man.

Hello.

Can I get you anything? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay?