DC's Legends of Tomorrow

- Any chance of getting this thing running again?

- The simplicity of the thermosiphon cooling

is sheer elegance.

The capitalist dictate of constant improvement

often pushes us past the pinnacle of achievement

into inferior products.

- And this is your brain off of drugs?

- Hey, don't weed-shame me. I know stuff.

Okay, so is that a yes?

Because soon enough, someone's gonna see

that J. Edgar Hoover's missing

and the timeline's gonna start changing.

- If I can find some water, yes.

Oh! Uh, Gary,

can you check the back seat for some water please?

I think I saw something under Hoover's coat.

- Please don't mention his name.

This guy's giving me terrible indigestion.

- That's probably all the cigars. Ugh.

Or all the bigotry.

Oh!

Uh, we've got some soda. Does that work?

- We'll find out. - Oh, how about this?

A radio.

- Oh, we can pick up some newscasts.

radio reporter: The lovely and lethal Bullet Blondes

remain at large,

last seen driving east on the Bankhead Highway.

Caution advised.

They are considered armed and dangerous.

- Huh, I can't believe the name stuck.

- Yeah, and they didn't mention Hoover,

which means they think he's still alive.

Yeah. Well, he's not.

Wha...

Hey. What's up?

We've gotten out of tighter spots than this.

Have we?

Mick's gone. Astra's down for the count.

Zari is nursing a broken heart in a pocket dimension,

and I killed J. Edgar Hoover. - And it was an accident.

And it could have happened to any man of steel.

That's not funny.

I spent my whole life studying history

and making sure it's preserved and passed on.

By killing Hoover,

I personally messed up the entire 20th century.

- Look, we're gonna fix it, okay?

Are we?

Because without Gideon or the ship,

there's no way you can guarantee that.

- Nate, you are spinning. - I murdered a man, Sara.

And for the first time in our lives,

we have to accept that that could be permanent.

- Okay, look-- - Uh, wife? Nate?

We got a big problem.

Hoover was supposed to be on a train

to New York from Midland this afternoon.

- If he's not there, the whole timeline's screwed.

No, it won't be.

Nate, history needs saving,

and you are just the man to do it.

So long as the world thinks that Hoover is still alive,

then the timeline remains on track.

- No, no, no. I know what you're thinking.

No, there's no way I can impersonate Hoover

all the way to New York.

I could barely do it in some Podunk Texas town.

- Gary! - Huh?

- Can you do some kind of spell and make him look like Hoover?

Uh,

technically, yes. But, um...

I'd need some of Hoover's spit or fingernails...

Or hair.

We're mobile, people.

Well, good.

Because J. Edgar Hoover has a train to catch.

- I did a spell to resurrect a machine.

I don't know what this is.

- I'd recognize that smug little smile anywhere.

It is Gideon.

- She doesn't look like a machine.

- Well, not a machine exactly, Mami.

A computer who speaks.

Usually.

Hello, computer.

Well, on the upside,

looks like you got your magic working again.

My magic is clearly garbage.

Stop that.

- She's still Gideon though, right?

What's two plus two?

There you go.

Wow, computers are--are very exciting.

Uh--sorry.

- Is it ready? - Not yet.

It needs to fully ferment. This is just the primary stage.

- Okay, well, we need to come up

with some kind of distraction or something,

because that train leaves in five minutes,

and Hoover needs to be on it.

- And to the public eye, he will be.

Look, because they're not gonna be looking at him.

No. They-- - What are you doing?

Are going to be looking

at the most wanted women in America.

What?

Oh, I'm not sure about this.

Just follow my lead. Come on.

- My safe word is core competency.

Coming through here.

Look out, we got the Bullet Blondes.

- This isn't the last you're gonna hear

of the Bullet Blondes.

That's right, coppers.

Who you calling the cops?

We're the Bureau of Investigation.

That's right,

and J. Edgar Hoover always gets his man. Or woman.

Or gender non-conforming individual.

- I need four extra tickets for my associates.

Are those the Bullet Blondes?

- Well, we're not a pair of canceled stamps.

Pleasure.

- Mr. Hoover, let me find some seats for you and your men.

Our most secure cabin is the honeymoon suite.

In the name of J. Edgar Hoover, I'm commandeering this cabin.

- Oh, no. No need to commandeer.

We don't want to spoil your honeymoon.

Spoil? Phonus balonus.

- Well, after them Palmer raids,

we'd be proud to help out a patriot like Mr. Hoover.

- Squeeze on by here. - Congratulations.

- Thank you. - Congratulations, best wishes.

Whew. That was close.

- Can you please take these off now?

What are the Palmer raids?

After World War I,

America was freaking out about Communism,

so Hoover and the DOJ arrested thousands of immigrants,

union workers, anything that smelled like organized labor.

- Real champion of civil liberties.

- Oh, he pretty much codified racial bias

into our judicial system.

Okay, look, morally, he's repulsive.

Historically, however,

he's one of the most important men of the 20th century.

He founded the FBI. He ran it till he died.

- Yeah, well, great men aren't usually good guys, so.

And that is our cue to disappear.

Oh, B, key me.

The key.

Time Bureau manual and some honeymoon chocolates.

Say hi to Z for me.

Capi-tans, hey.

Are we home yet? How did your bank robbery go?

Did we find out who blew up the Waverider yet or no?

Am I talking too much? Am I talking not too much?

- I think she's a little high. - I'd say very.

We're still in 1925.

And now, we are on a train.

What? Where are we going?

But really where is anybody really going?

- You okay, Z? I thought you didn't partake.

No, no, no.

I know, but you see I found myself on a journey.

And that journey is with these tiny, little bears.

And I'm going on that journey a la carte.

A la carte. "Allah" carte.

- Okay. Well, we'll be upstairs.

Yeah, if you need anything,

please don't hesitate to come and find us.

Actually, hesitate a little.

Oh, hesitate a lot.

Ew, that's gross, moms.

- Hey, maybe we won't even need that potion.

We just hide out in the cabin.

You in there, Speed?

- Speed? - That was Hoover's nickname.

Only his closest friends call him that.

- It's Francis Baker. Junior, of course.

Oh, the GW boys are gonna go wild

when I tell them I saw you.

- Gary, potion. - Uh, it's frothing and ready.

- All right. How long does the spell last?

- Uh, it depends upon your metabolism.

Could be an hour. Could be 24.

- Hey, it sounds like Hoover was a supreme douche.

You really sure you want to be him?

- I have to clean up my mess, B.

- No, but wait. Wait. Don't drink it in front of us.

- Did it work? - We don't know.

Since you drank it in front of us, we'll only know

if the magic works when someone else sees you.

Oh, for the love of...

This is silly.

Let me see your...

face.

Edgar. There's that handsome look.