Muppets Haunted Mansion

Oh, we get it almost every night.

And when that moon gets big and bright.

It's a supernatural delight.

Whoopee!

Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight.

Happy Halloween!

Wow. I can't believe the invitation came with this free limo ride.

Sí, sí. All the fancy Hollywood mansion parties have limos.

Yeah.

Which is why all my girlfriends are texting.

Oh, what are they saying?

Uh, all good things.

Oh.

- Hello. - Hi-ho, Gonzo.

Hey, Kermit. What a great costume.

Uh, thanks. Uh, Piggy thought it would be funny if we both...

Hi-ho! Guess who I am?

I'm Kermit, and Kermit is me. Get it?

- Go on, say it, say it. Come on. - No. Mmm-mmm.

Uh, hey, Kermie, who is the most amazing girl in the universe?

Yes, Piggy. You are.

Yay!

- Uh, guess who wrote that? - I did. It was me. I did.

- Candy corn. What is this? Christmas? - So, Gonzo, uh, when are you gettin' here?

Oh, I'm so sorry. I actually can't come to the party.

Oh. Oh, no. Why not?

Well, you remember my favorite magician, the great MacGuffin?

- Is he the guy with the fish? - You rang?

- No, we did not. - Okay.

Well, tonight is the 100th anniversary of MacGuffin's disappearance.

- Disappearance? - Yeah.

And there's a special, once-in-a-lifetime fear challenge

in the mansion where it happened.

Oh, wow. What's the challenge?

To spend the night in the most haunted mansion in the world.

That sounds like your kinda night, Gonzo.

- Hmm. - We're sure gonna miss you.

Thanks. But if I can't pull off a great stunt like this,

then what's the use of calling me the great Gonzo?

You know, you don't have to be "the great Gonzo" to be great, Gonzo.

- Uh, say there, Kermit. - Oh! Scooter, you look great.

Oh, uh... thank you, thank you very much.

- Uh, the chef's carving pumpkins. - Oh, well, that sounds...

- Mercy. - Okay, I gotta go, Gonzo.

Uh, but don't forget the Halloween breakfast tomorrow morning.

Hey, pumpkin!

I think we're having pumpkin pancakes.

Bye.

You know, Pepé?

I kinda feel bad that we're not going to the party.

Every year, same things, same muppens.

Uh, we see them all the times.

Tonight, we go to the big mansions party.

For the last time, it's not a party. It's a Halloween challenge.

Talk about a challenge.

Try getting a date for this party, okay?

Oh!

All righty, boys. This is the place.

- Are you sure about this? - Oh, yeah.

And could we set a pick-up time for the morning?

Oh, that won't be necessary.

I always drop folks off here, but I never seem to pick them up.

Huh?

- Every time. - Well, we're gonna be the first.

- We'll see you in the morning. - Mmm-hmm.

Heard that before.

Um, speaking of pick-ups, how'd you like to be my plus one?

Dead prawn walking.

That's a no.

Huh.

Whoa, will ya take a look at this place?

Yeah. No one here. Where's the parties?

Oh, my goodness. Cool.

Oh, I love these rich Hollywood types.

Pulling out all the stops and the moneys, okay.

I bet they'll hand us swag bags with great parting gifts.

You mean de-parting gifts.

Uh, I don't get it. What do you mean?

What you talking about?

- Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait. - What, what, what?

Listen.

- Oh, there's somebody there. - What? Who?

Hello?

- Who's there? - We're here for the parties.

Party?

- What party? - Oh, the great MacGuffin's anniversary.

- Oh, dear. - Hey, uh, Mr. Tomb...

Please. Don't wake them up.

Wake 'em up? Wake who up?

Please, oh, please though they're all deceased

I beg of you on bended knee.

Please, oh, please let them rest in peace.

For once they start, they never cease.

Oh, it's like a show.

You see, here lies good old Fred.

A great big rock fell on his head.

And in peaceful rest lies brother Claude planted here beneath this sod.

There's the first lady of opera haunting Harriet.

Searched for a tune but never could carry it.

Ah!

Poor cousin Maude who never awoke.

The night her dreams went up in smoke.

Please, oh, please though they're all deceased.

We must beware the spirits' release.

Rest in peace, cousin Huet.

We all know you didn't do it.

Mary wrote mysteries with masterful quill.

Not knowing the ink of words could kill.

So, please, oh, please let them rest in peace.

Once they start, they never cease.

And right before your very eyes.

As the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak tree.

Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.

Creepy creeps with eerie eyes start to shriek and harmonize.

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

Whoa!

Uh-oh.

Come on, enough of this spooky-dooky pre-show.

- Let's go inside for the parties. - Okay.

Oh!

Welcome, foolish muppets.

Ooh.

Ah, the great Gonzo. I'm so glad you accepted the invitation.

Thank you for sending it, mister, um...

I shall be your host this evening.

Your ghost host.

Ooh, you're very scaries.

Well, hello there. Who might you be?

Oh, this is my friend Pepé. He loves parties.

Are there, uh, a lot of the famous peoples inside?

Yes, sir. Very famous.

- Oh, do you speak Spanish? - No.

Now, if you would please walk this way.

Okay.

Now, if I may.

A few rules regarding tonight's very special Halloween challenge.

Yes, do tell.

"Within these walls are your fears and your frights."

"Face them all bravely to survive through the night..."

He's rhyming.

"For if by sunrise you fail this endeavor."

"Then you y tu amigo must remain here forever."

- Dun, dun, dun! - Whoa!

- Oh, boy. - Nice one, guys.

So, let me make sure I got this.

Uh, we just have to survive the night in this haunted mansion?

Dun, dun, dun!

Dun, dun.

Uh, no. That's too many "dun duns," isn't it?

Well, I thought we discussed "shave and a haircut."

- No. He wanted "ominous sting," didn't he? - Oh, right.

- Like... dun, dun, dun! - Dun, dun.

- Sorry. - I'm new.

- We'll work this out. - What I do wrong?

- I'm new at everything. - Let's have some tea.

Take it over there. That'd be great.

Now, if you'll follow me, gentlemen.

- And no flash pictures, please. - Oh.

The spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.

- Oh, they're sensitive. Who knew? - Okay.

So, please you could point me to the VIP room, por favor,

to mingle with the Beyoncés, the Ryan Goslings, the Bard Pitts.

I'm sorry. My friend's a bit of an acquired taste.

Oh, not for me.

His accent reminds me of my youthful days in Málaga.

I know. I know all.

- Dun, dun, dun! - Dun, dun.

Oh, you've done it again, haven't you?

I've dun-dun it twice.

It's just not spine-chilling, is it?

- Being scary is hard. Sorry. - Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

Anyway, I am sorry about that big... we just...

- They don't get a lot of visitors. - Hmm.

I really love these portraits. The subjects look vaguely familiar.

- Hmm. - Yes. Everything here will seem familiar.

Your eyes may deceive you,

as the spirits respond to your sympathetic vibrations.

Sounds awesome.

Yeah. Sí, sí, sí.

Uh, but where's the famous people's room?

Because we are the celebrities, we are The Muppets.

Oh!

Oh!

- Oh, cool. - Gonzo, it's like a fun house.

Is this haunted room actually stretching or is it your imagination?

- Whoa... - Whoo.

You know what? I just realized this room has no windows and no doors.

- Which offers this chilling challenge... - To find a way out.

Wait, wait a minute. A way out of the room or out of the house?

What?

You're kinda killing the moment here. I meant the room.

Sorry.

Huh?

Okay, first of all, where did he go,

and second of all, what is your problem, okay?

I found the way out.

Secret door? Classic.

Okay, this is the last time I'm gonna say,

this better lead to the party people's room.