Alien Vs. Zombies (Zombies vs. Joe Alien)

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Yes, yes.

Woo!

Yes.

Log 0000100, landing was a success.

Initial impression of the land, beautiful.

Well, if not beautiful, then practical.

Still awaiting an earthly encounter, maybe Bon Jovi,

Danny DeVito, or a New Jersey housewife,

or the other extraterrestrial, Snooki.

Standby for further updates.

The map says I'm here, but...

I feel like there's some false advertising

on the account of this postcard.

Nope.

Hello, earth lady.

And I'm bored.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Maybe dad was right,

"It won't be what you expected, son, I assure you of that."

Hello, earthling, are you ill, can I help you?

Hello, earthling, my name is Ijo Sudin

from the planet Sedna

which is the furthest from your sun in the solar system.

I have traveled many light years

to follow my passion for your planet

and it brings me great pleasure to...

Are you hungry?

I haven't read anything about this being a cure,

but if this helps your illness,

you're welcome to my hand

as long as I can ask you some questions afterwards.

Oh, man!

This is some serious strange behavior.

This is unlike anything I ever heard about your species.

Can you speak, do you have a name?

What the hell is going on?

Earthling, are you mentally insane?

You're trying to eat me.

Oh god.

Get up.

What the heck are you?

My name is Ijo Sudin from the planet Sedna

which is the furthest from your sun in the solar system.

I've traveled many light years

to follow my passion for your planet

and it brings me great pleasure to...

Wait, wait, stop.

My planet?

Yes, your planet.

Impossible.

Possible.

Are you going to eat my hand as well?

You've spoken to me unlike those other deranged specimen.

I suppose I could allow you my hand.

No, thanks, maybe later.

I'll save it for you then.

So, you're like an alien or something?

Alien is a derogatory way of saying it.

Imagine someone from your south being called a redneck

or one of your African-Americans being called a...

Okay, I get it, sorry, then what are you?

I am an extraterrestrial life form,

a very confused extraterrestrial life form.

Me too.

You're an extraterrestrial life form, too?

No, confused.

Why?

I never met an extraterrestrial before.

Can you die?

Yes.

Do you have a spaceship?

Yes.

Where?

I don't see it.

It's invisible.

Why do you look human?

Why do you look Sednian?

Fair enough.

You have great hair.

I know, but are you still sick like the last earthling?

I'm not sick and neither was that guy, he's dead.

Dead, impossible.

Possible.

My books say differently,

that the dead don't come back to life

and they don't eat each other.

My books say you should be a little green man

with a giant head and bug eyes.

You are a very offensive, little earthling.

We've been looking for her.

Who?

Fantastic, another earthling and it's a female.

Maybe one a little less sick than the others.

Wait, you shouldn't go towards here.

Nonsense.

I wish to interact with as many earthlings as I can

especially the females.

She's not the type of girl you wanna play with.

See, she is much more welcoming

than you and the other gentleman,

this one is offering a hug.

Hello, earthling, my name is Ijo Sudin

from the planet Sedna

which is the furthest from your sun in the solar system.

I've traveled many light years to...

Owiplock was right, earth girls are easy.

You think she's ready for intercourse?

Ew, no, get away from her, it's another dead one.

Get her off, get her off.

Why do you keep doing that to these earthlings, earthling?

I don't want to, you keep making me.

I told you they're dead and stop calling me earthling,

it's Parker.

Parker?

Parker.

Ijo Sudin.

I'll never get that, Joe.

Joe.

Dead.

Dead.

No longer alive?

Right.

Bye, Jess.

Do you know her?

Yeah, but not anymore.

Did I land in heaven?

Furthest thing from it.

What happened here?

The apocalypse, the end of the world.

How can that be?

What about all the shops and the stores?

And the movies, the music, all that great music,

Horton Heat and Social D,

and food, do they still make Oatmeal Creme Pies?

No, no, don't tell me, I don't wanna know.

And coffee.

I wanted real earth coffee

and to taste a street vendor hot dog,

greasy and delicious,

but all I'm surrounded by

is you and the dead.

Oh, no.

Are these your loved ones?

Parker, wait, please, stop.

Why are you here?

It's my spring break

and father said it was finally time

for me to experience the earthlings firsthand.

I've always been so fascinated with your species,

but what's the point if you're all dead?

If this is, what was that word again?

The apocalypse.

Yes, the apocalypse.

Why am I here?

I don't know why you're here.

Life is like a comic book now, I miss the Flash.

Who's the Flash?

He's a superhero with super speed,

so he can run really fast,

like he can break the laws of physics.

Is he here?

No, he's make-believe.

You don't know what comic books are?

I'm afraid not.

They're books made up from imagination,

like how the dead come back to life.

At one time, that was make-believe, but now it's real,

and you, you're supposed to be make-believe, too.

I'm sorry I'm not make-believe or the Flash.

I don't mean to offend,

are there any other earthlings like you left?

There is some, not many,

at least I don't think there are.

A young female earthling.

I apologize about what I said before,

I am sure you are not easy.

Gee, thanks.

Look, it sounds like you came here to learn more about us,

not attack us like in Independence Day or something.

You thought we were going to attack?

Yeah, I used to play in the yard for hours

pretending to kill aliens.

Oh, right, bad word, anyway, maybe that's why I'm alive.

I guess you should've come here a year ago

when things were still normal.

How did this happen?

I don't know, something about a new chemical virus.

When people started dying and coming back to life,

it kinda stopped mattering what caused it.

Well, where did it come from?

I don't know.

What was the chemical virus?

Well, how do I find out?

I don't freaking know.

Sorry, sorry.