The Truth Will Out

Show me another one, show me another one, please.

Okay.

So, I don't know if you've ever heard about,

some witches collect their own bodily fluids

and they use those for spells.

Really strong spells.

Some of them collect one once a month,

and we are those types of females.

Okay. Don't know if you're able to follow this.

At all. Right, okay.

So, I can touch that one?

Yeah.

Okay. But be careful.

I will, can you see that?

Make sure not to get any in your mouth.

In my mouth? Hmm hmm.

Is it poisonous?

No, not poison.

Powerful, powerful.

Yeah, yeah.

And this is bodily fluid, is it?

Yeah, it can make anyone fall in love with you.

Really? Hmm.

Right, maybe I should have some of this then, eh?

Yeah.

It's period blood.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, lovely. It's nice, yeah.

Do you not like it? Oh yes, yes, it's...

It's all new to me.

To be honest, I never thought you could use

period blood for anything else than,

well, for anything to be honest.

Can you get the directions right now, please?

Eh, Darren?

Sorry.

Okay.

Camera rolling.

Right, I think we're back on the right road now.

Those last directions took us over

bloody estates.

Come on, you can't describe this other than a dump.

Well, I'm not gonna disagree with you there.

You seen one shitty British town,

you've seen 'em all.

Yeah, but this is the sunny south.

Ha, fucking, ha!

Yeah, well we're basically...

Just make sure that thing doesn't come on...

No swearing, my fans wouldn't appreciate it.

Yeah, don't worry, that's why have.

Okay.

All right, so what wonderful people

are we blessing with our presence today?

The Braussau family.

Who? Braussau.

Remind me about that because I'm crap with names.

Yep, no problem.

Braussau, okay.

And what do we know about the Braussaus?

There's three of them.

There's a mother.

Right. Diana and two daughters, Phoebe

and let me just check, Kate.

Right.

Okay.

Young daughters or adults?

Well, I think one of em's younger, maybe?

Okay.

Fair enough.

And why are we seeing them?

Well, they're gipsies.

Gipsies.

Oh, great.

Yep.

Okay, yeah I'll go with it, you know.

For the fans.

I dunno, there's something

from the video we were sent,

I kinda got that maybe

they're involved with something with the occult,

we're not sure what.

They think they're witches.

They what? They think they're witches.

They can't be worse than blinking gipsies.

The beggars are blinking gipsies.

They sell you lucky fucking charms,

and those old forta pieces,

and the gold that turns everything yellow or green or...

Yeah, you're right. I do not have a great affection for gipsies.

I'm sure your fans will agree.

Yeah, well just don't have that bit in either.

You know?

They need to know that I love everybody.

I have no prejudices.

Witches.

As in Hubble, bubble, toil and trouble,

type stuff?

Who the fuck knows?

Crazy.

I know, I know that you have my

best interests at heart.

And I have to admit that some of the people

that we've seen that you've suggested works.

My fans seem to like it,

but I have to tell you,

gipsies, witches, come on.

This is hardly Hammer House of Horror territory is it?

God, it's such a dump.

Well, you're supposed to be interviewing

the multi-cultural Britain that we live in.

Witches, gipsies are culture?

Cultural?

Well yeah, I suppose so.

That's stretching it a bit though, don't you think?

You could have chosen a nicer location, gents.

Look at this shit hole.

I mean, come on.

It's all Grey and dirty.

Ali Baba, oh good grief.

Show's called "The Real Streets UK."

Ha! This is the real streets.

Yeah, can we show this, really?

Would we show this?

I know it's background, that sort of thing,

but it's so depressing.

Just making sure the editors

got enough things to work with.

Well, I think he's gonna use technicolor,

or maybe make it black and white.

Then you can't see as much.

You know, sort of arty.

There's the gritty realism in black and white.

Yeah, that sort of thing, yeah.

There you go, that's real enough for you.

Yeah, I suppose so, yeah.

Shall we follow them and see if

there's anything interesting?

Hm.

This flipping traffic.

You know,

not that I'm complaining, of course,

but it's about time the company realised

just what a star I am

and stop being so flipping stingy with money.

First of all, why the hell am I driving?

Yeah, I mean, we should have a car.

Or something with our names on the sides,

so people can see us and prioritize.

Well this is, you know,

they did give you the car to drive in.

Well, yeah they did.

They didn't give me a driver...

It makes you look more like

one of the people, driving instead of being

chauffeured everywhere.

Yeah, that's a good excuse.

Bullshit, but it's a good excuse.

They're just stingy bastards.

You know, I haven't had a pay rise for six months.

Well, we haven't been filming

for a good couple of months.

What's that got to do with it?

They need to look after their people.

I'm not saying just me.

I mean, it's you as well.

You know, you earn your money.

You do.

We're one of the top programmes on the television.

Selling it abroad, international.

People love me.

And you know, you're part of the team,

so, you know, we need you as well.

It's down here somewhere.

Not sure where.

I'm sure somebody's...

I'm pretty sure it's the next turning.

Next turning, okay.

If something's wrong, it'll be somebody

to shout out. Ha!

Look at this miserable weather.

Come on you stupid sod, get a move on.

That idiot just walked across the road there.

Another ambulance.

Wonder if that's normal.

Oh, look at...

I didn't think it'd get any worse,

but look at this.

Yep, pretty bleak.

Ha!

You're an optimist aren't you?

Look at this.

Oh come on, gents, come on.

Are we really?

Are you sure this is the right place?

Yep.

I tell you, I wonder what the suicide rate is.

We could do a programme about that.

Christ, makes me want to slit my wrists

just looking at this bloody place.