Social Distance

What the fuck?

Ah, for God's sake.

Oh, man.

Who is that?

Is that Car?

Hey, why am I in the RV?

Everything you put in here for me is wrong.

What's the matter?

You're the one that wanted to see America. You stay in the RV.

Oh, Car…

your face.

No, no. Don't change the subject.

When have you ever seen me wear this?

You liked 'em at Christmas.

I look like a deranged toddler.

-Is there anything you need? -Yes.

My own bed.

What are you talking… That RV mattress is very comfortable.

-I sprung for the memory foam. -Great. You sleep on it.

Ahh. Stroopwafel.

Fluffernutter.

Oh, Chr-- you pee like an old man.

And some of it in the toilet.

Wait a minute. Where'd you go?

Ahh.

Yeah, see if you know what this is.

- There you are, you little son of a bitch. - Just put that there…

Where are you?

I've been trying to track down the fucker

that's eating my apocalypse kale.

Everyone with the kale. Whatever happened to spinach?

Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho! There you are!

I'm better off at a hotel.

No! God, hotel rooms have more germs than the hospital.

I just spent a week doing ten-hour shifts.

Forgive me for not wanting to go camping.

Did-- did you get any sleep?

Not really, but it gave me time to write up my findings for the board.

Well, that's a plus.

Which I could have done faster if I was at my writing desk,

which we had made for this very reason.

-You know the transmission rates. -Yeah, I do.

I just spent half my night reviewing the data.

Savannah General is extremely safe, and I've taken all the precautions.

I mean, look at my hands.

Practically down to the bone from the washing.

Uh, I-- I know. I know it's not ideal.

But what's the alternative?

I let you in, and we both die of the COVID?

Oh, you're so dramatic!

80% of all deaths are people in our age group.

And I keep reading about doctors exposed to peak viral loads.

All right. Now you are starting to spiral into Zander CAT scan territory.

Well, if it had been up to me, he never would have had that skate ramp

-in the first place. -It was a little bump on the head.

I know you're not worried

'cause you're Wonder Woman immune system can fight anything off,

but I don't want you to have to watch this body…

fall apart.

Please. I've been watching you fall apart for 40 long years.

All the more reason we be careful, you know?

I gotta keep these chesticles intact.

-Chesticles? -Okay, wait. Six feet. Come on.

Oh, Jesus Christ, we're outside!

It's only 14 days,

and then you can make this body fall apart all you want.

What?

Actually, I told the hospital I'd come back next week.

All right, Neil.

Just… talk to me.

What is there to talk about?

Clearly, you've made up your mind

like you you did about the Waldorf School and the pine tree.

-Oh, it was dripping sap on my car. -The hot tub.

Please, you ended up using it more than I did.

-We agreed to one week. -I am trying to save lives, here.

Once again, everybody else comes first.

It is a goddamn global pandemic, Neil.

Don't you feel any responsibility to help?

Yeah, I feel a responsibility to be around for our grandchildren.

And if you think sleeping in an RV is bad, try dying alone in a hospital bed

while the nurse gives your ventilator to the 30-year-old in the next room.

All right.

What? Carolyn.

What-- we're not done here.

Damn it.

- You made those? - Uh-huh.

Wait, they're mud balls?

Uh, no. The Japanese call it hikaru dorodango,

and it's incredibly meditative.

-Look at these babies. -Right?

Total works of art.

Are you smoking pot again? Sorry, weed.

Some of us never stopped, Neil.

It's hard to get 'em to hold together,

but Linda is the mechanical engineer of the family.

All right.

I bet the mud over by their place is spectacular.

Yeah, maybe so,

but it's not worth getting lynched by redneck vigilantes.

Oh, God. Wasn't that awful?

It happened three months ago, and they still haven't made an arrest.

I'd rather stay inside anyway and spend some quiet time with my…

number one gal.

Please, his only gal.

And his weed…

and his Gunsmoke reruns.

We've been doing that.

Wish we could say the same, but…

someone has decided to rejoin the workforce.

I thought it was only a week.

So did I, but the hospital really needs me.

- Oh, well. - Aren't you afraid of catching it?

No. The ICU has extensive safety protocols.

The most deadly virus that the world has ever seen,

but we're all overreacting.

Well, I, for one, am proud of you for volunteering.

I'm sure that Neil is too, underneath his worries, right?

-Of course I am. -See?

What did Jess call it? "The Boomer remover."

Fucking millennials.

Or that asshole in Texas said we all should sacrifice our lives

for the sake of the economy.

You hit 65, the world thinks you're irrelevant.

That's why Ken and Joanne moved to that place in Florida.

So they could be around people our age.

Yeah, but "retirement village" sounds like purgatory.

-Wait a minute. Wait a minute. -Kind of.

I thought your purgatory was the Dude Ranch.

No, no, I love the Dude Ranch. That was all Neil.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. There were no helmets.

It was a guided beginner's trail ride.

The horses didn't even break a trot.

Everybody knows cowboys don't wear helmets.

-Oh, shh. -Well, at least the ones on Gunsmoke.

Horses are dangerous. You never know when something's gonna spook 'em.

They are specifically trained to follow the ass in front of them.

You know, I told you, I believe, not to book that trip,

but she barreled on ahead, did it anyway.

Yeah, it must be exhausting to be so terrified of everything.