Zeroes

Just a second!

Hey you here to check out the bike?

Forgot someone was coming by, sorry about that.

You know you can just wait right here and I'll grab it.

My ex got me this thing, I don't know why.

He should know I don't like riding bikes.

It's a total mess back here seriously.

No Bane. Bad touch!

Good morning.

Is it Kenneth?

You okay? Something wrong?

Yeah you know actually...

For me, it's these movies man.

Batman, Spider-Man, Superman.

They tell the same stories over and over again.

I don't give a shit about

Batman's back-story anymore okay?

I just want to see him fight bad dudes.

Then why torture yourself

by watching all the Batman movies back to back?

To form a solid argument

Who are you debating?

What the fuck are we doing right now?

You assume I'm listening.

God, fucking origin stories. I don't need them.

I don't need to see Rambo in Vietnam

to know that he's all fucked up.

I'm living your origin story. Fat slob defies all odds

to become an even fatter slob.

I know, totally right?

And they always have these hot girlfriends

that are way better off without them.

And they have cool jobs like

news reporter or like assistant D. A.

It's probably because, these writers

can't write well-rounded female characters

so we're stuck with these boring caricatures.

Shut up! Kate's on TV.

It is a gruesome day here on Walnut Street.

In the early hours of the morning

a woman was found murdered in her apartment.

Authorities believe she is another victim of the

Schuylkill Strangler, an alleged serial killer

who finds his victims by placing ads online.

We'll have more information as the story unfolds.

Oh shit dude I'm late.

You wanna grab the costumes for tonight?

Don't be an asshole and just drop that on me.

I have a job you know.

He didn't even say goodbye.

If this place keeps smelling this good, I might never leave.

Here's your coffee, just the way you like it.

Thanks Gary.

What are you looking at?

An apartment just opened up at this building.

Oh yeah you need a roommate?

Cause I got this food dehydrator and we could just go nuts.

No, I think I'm going to try to live on my own.

That's cool, that's cool.

So you got any big plans tonight?

Nope.

Cool. Me? I'm going to go to church youth group,

get involved with some folk jam type of stuff you know?

Yeah. Wait you're a member of a church youth group?

No, but I think they're out there somewhere

I just got to find them.

I've never been inside of a church, but it

must be pretty cool place if you get up early

on a Sunday to go you know?

Hey, do you have to bring your own wine

or do they provide it?

Terrible idea Gary.

I thought it would be fun.

Quiet, Dean's coming. I don't want to get in trouble.

Get out of here, please.

Trouble, what are we in grade school?

Why is it that when I step out of my office,

I see you two love birds squawking all day long

and eating up the profits?

We've got dough audits

and salt dividend reports to get out this month

and I'm sure not staying late

because you're attracted to his beautiful song.

I'm really sorry, I was just finishing.

You're going to pay for that pretzel.

Dick.

Yeah that guy knows nothing about birds, stupid.

What's going on?

Kenneth we got a problem buddy. They're all out of our costumes.

We reserved those months ago.

We did?

You said you did.

Kenneth what I say and what I do don't always coincide.

I mean technically you should know that man You're my buddy.

So if you think about it. This is half your fault.

Dammit Ray you always do this.

Calm down I'll take care of it.

That's my roommate, he's all pissed off.

He's a little OCD I think he needs to get laid- hey!

He's good. Got some room in the toes here.

I think he can walk right out with them. Alright? Yeah.

Ray, ray there you are, boy,

I have a story for you – hey,

shouldn't you be in shoes today?

I'm on my break Aaron.

Me culpa! Should probably be crashed out in my mini-van huh?

You got the keys?

Look I'm not stealing clothes for this party tonight

if that's what you're asking?

I, that doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make any sense does it?

- No! - Can I get your keys Aaron?

Yes. Hey do me a solid.

Try not to blast the air conditioning this time.

I'm having some trouble turning over the old dad wagon.

But then I'll be all sweaty.

Oh, yeah.

So, it's going to be a no.

Yeah, well had to ask.

Yeah, you're right.

Later bro. Catch ya. Later.

So what do we tell people we are?

I'm not sure if I'm a gang member or a raver.

That's why we have the do-rags.

Ties the whole ninja look together you know?

Why didn't you just get some baseball or football uniforms?

Because a girl can fuck a football player

whenever she wants.

You know what she never gets to fuck? A ninja.

Is that what gets you the ladies?

Yeah sometimes.

Hey thanks for driving by the way, I hate taking the bus.

It makes me feel poor.

You are poor, you're actually very poor.

Yeah but I don't need the bus to tell me that.

Come on.

I'm not taking the bus.

How has not a single car driven by, this is a major US city?

I don't understand anything I'm reading.

Hey, got one, got one, Hey, hey hey! I need a jump!

Hey, hey, hey! I need a jump! Hey!

Fuck you you stupid piece of shit!

Ray.

No.

Ray.

Kenneth I'm not taking the fucking bus!

You know Kenneth with the great power of owning a vehicle

comes the great responsibility of its upkeep.

I'm not saying it's your fault,

I'm just saying,

shit it's that asshole from earlier.

Get some profanity ready.

Hey! Hey! Fuck you, you piece of shit, I hope you die!

Fuck you, you piece of shit! Fucking asshole!

Fucking got that dude.

What?

What the hell are you supposed to be?

Ninjas.

You don't look like Ninjas.

I think we know a little bit more about being Ninjas

than you do okay Chief?

Bunch of racists.

Hey it's Kate.

...was found murdered in her apartment.

God, you've seen this already just ask her out.

The opportunity is almost there.

Yeah and you missed that opportunity.

Because you're always waiting around for your chance.

Then some loser from Wharton swoops in now,

he's fucking her brains out.

I have a plan okay?

Yeah, you got a plan I got a plan.

Plans.

I'm thinking about moving out.

What?

Stop the bus!

Are you guys getting off?

No, I'm being dramatic, I'm sorry.

What do you mean you're moving out?

For Kate?

You want to impress her?

It's much more than that okay?

Things just feel like they're getting stagnant,

hitting a plateau alright?

And I just need a change.

Oh you need a change Kenneth?

If you want to change, pick up a fucking hobby.

Okay? Like gambling or I don't know binge drinking.

Something respectable.

There's an apartment available in centre city.

Okay. Apartment just opened up in centre city.

This will pass I know it.

Here we are.

You know what?

I'm going to find my own way to Kate's party.

You have no idea where it is.

Fuck you Kenneth.

Racist huh?

Come in.

I wish I had done a lot more pull ups.