Tales of the Riverbank

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ah. Tales of the riverbank.

Hello there. Sorry for flying in unannounced,

but I'm sure I felt a drop of rain outside,

so I thought I'd pop in and watch the film with you

until the weather improves, if that's all right.

Hmm.

Looks peaceful enough now, doesn't it?

It wasn't always like-- oh! Oh, look!

That's where I live. Just on that oak tree there.

( Stammering and fluttering )

What?

So as... as... As I was saying,

the river wasn't always like that, you know.

I shall now a tale unfold

that will make your feathers curl.

I do realize that some of you don't have feathers.

It's just an expression; I'm not stupid.

I've passed exams, you know.

Some.

This is a story of heroes and villains,

battles and bravery,

laughter and tears, explosions and romance,

boats, cars, planes, even helicopters.

But above all,

it's about never giving up,

no matter what.

Well, now, it all started

with a few spots of rain.

The spots became heavier and heavier,

until they seemed to join up

into one great blob of water.

Once it started, it never stopped.

Day after day, night after night,

rain, rain, rain.

The river got deeper and deeper,

and overflowed its banks, flooding everywhere.

The animals ran for the hills

as their homes were swept away

and crushed by the onrushing water.

By the time the rain stopped,

not a living soul remained on the riverbank.

Well, apart from hammy the hamster.

He's very young,

and hamsters aren't the brightest.

Got a lot to learn.

The first thing being

that if he doesn't move very soon,

he's gonna be squashed by a falling tree.

Oh, ferrets!

Sorry about the language.

So little hammy found himself adrift and lost

with no food, shelter,

or hope of ever seeing his home again.

Scared and alone on a vast--

ahoy there!

Well, perhaps not totally alone.

Ahoy there!

This is a Guinea pig called g.P.

G stands for Guinea, and the p stands for...

Well, you can work it out yourself.

He's a decent enough sort, g.P.

Likes to be in charge, tell everyone what to do,

but then, show me a Guinea pig who doesn't.

Hmm, hmm?

- Ahoy there. - Hi.

Are you all right there, youngster?

Yeah, yeah. No problem.

Just thought I'd take the log here for a bit of a spin.

You don't need any help at all?

- No. No, I'm fine, thanks. - Even though you're sinking?

Ooh, right.

So I am. Into the water.

Hop aboard, young hamster, before you drown. Plenty of room.

- I'll be fine, thanks. - Nonsense.

How long ago since you ate something?

Um... what time is it now?

- Midday. - A week then.

You must be starving!

Tuck in, fellow rodent adventurer.

So hammy got some food.

But he was still no nearer getting home.

Neither of them was.

Still, at least, now they were lost with someone else.

Easy there, hammy, save some for later.

Afraid there might be lots and lots of later.

Especially now it looks like it's just me and you.

- Just you and me? - Could be, hammy.

Everything else is gone in the flood.

What was that?

I thought you said, g.P., it was just two of us.

We do seem to have, um, a visitor.

Ahoy there.

Obviously doesn't speak English.

He doesn't look very friendly.

You don't think it might be...

What?

One of those kinds of visitors who eats hamsters.

I doubt it. No, if you ask me,

it's probably more frightened of us than we are of it.

I wish people wouldn't say that. It is so untrue.

Where are you going?

It's just a pile of old junk.

Told you it was nothing to worry about, hammy.

- Run for it! - There's nowhere to run.

- Swim for it! - I can't swim.

- Then panic! - At last, something I can do.

Blow me! I thought I would never get out of there.

One moment, I'm chattin' up a pretty young dormouse,

and the next moment, whoosh!

Someone turns the taps on,

and I was best mates with a scrap heap. Et cetera.

Nice to meet you, gents.

Life on the ocean waves, eh?

So, as they say,

all the nice girls love a sailor, don't they?

That is roderick the rat.

He's a bit flashy,

but a good rodent to have along

in an emergency like this.

Oh, do I spy nibbles, by any chance?

Be my guest-- oh, you have.

Don't mind if I do.

And if you fancy a bit of rubber tube, just tuck in.

So now, there were three of them.

It was getting dark, and all a bit scary.

G.P. Came up with a plan to keep them busy,

so they wouldn't have any time

to think about being frightened.

Everyone knows that, in a crisis,

it's all hands to the pump.

This is a crisis, so we need a pump.

Right. Good idea. Great.

What's a pump?

You're a hamster, aren't you?

Yes, yes, I'll speak slowly then.

It's a machine that gets water to come, then go away.

It seems a bit pointless.

I'm sure there's a pump somewhere inside my head.

Hmm. Hmm.

It's not actually in his head, hammy.

Right. I knew that.

It's just a question of...

Got it! I know how to do it.

Trial and error. Right, you two, follow my instructions.

- What's trial and error? - A lot of work.

So they started to make a pump

to get rid of all the water.

Every time they finished one,

g.P. Rejected it on some technicality or other,

like, it didn't work, for example.

- Who tossed the... - Can we have a break?

- Ah, that's what I want. - You're standing on my paw.

But they didn't give up hope,

and that was the most important thing of all.

Stop mucking about.

I need a little bit of help with this.

This went on and on and on,

long into the night until they all fell asleep,

totally exhausted.

They were so tired that they didn't notice

that the clouds had blown away,

and the flood was dropping anyway.

Wake up, g.P. Your pump's worked.

- The water's gone down! - It has, yes.

The old mark 17 was the one.

Well, I never. I'd have put a week's worth of worms

on that contraption not working.

It's a gift I have, roderick.

It's only fair that I share it with the rest of the world.

Good to feel a bit of solid ground again.

Hello, hello, what's this?

Hamster looks down in the dumps.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I'm not sure we'll ever get back to where we came from.

We will, my friend.

G.P. Will get you there safe and sound.

Hello.

This is a bit tasty.

G.P., you don't know, by any chance,

what it is, do you?

Unless I'm very much mistaken,

that is a... A chair.

- A chair. - You sit there.

There seems to be a lot of chair and not much seat.

Probably foreign.

Boat. That's it. This... is a boat.

A boat? No, no, no.

Boats float on water.

That chair has been stuck in the mud from the moment I saw it.

Look, it's one of those...

Et ceteras.

Oh, no. That chair doesn't move at all.

It makes the right noise.

Hammy made the same noise after eating beans last night.

He's not a boat either.

- Sorry about that. It was the slugs. - ( Groans )

You don't think it could be a sort of a chair boat?

- Chair boat? - It's a boat. Right?