Seitentriebe

There are reasons why love stories

start when two people meet and end when they get together.

What do you have to say to each other then?

You argue, bore each other and get fat together.

Not that I have anything against fat people.

And it's not that bad with us.

We have friends... - You have money and no kids.

A job, expectations and plans.

A good life, as they say.

- Did you like it? - Yes. Thanks.

- The beginning of this story is the best thing that ever happened to me.

- I'd never won anything before. But I hit the jackpot with her.

That sounds like a bad pop song.

But she was the answer to all my questions.

Even those I didn't ask.

Nele. With an N. From Cornelia.

- Everything felt right: we had the same goals...

- I'm going that way. - Me too.

- The same issues... - Well, then...

Well, then.

My colleague Heinz says this:

You can have sex with anyone.

But a future and perspective are a different ballgame.

Future...

Perspective...

That was it.

I knew I wanted to grow old with her.

- And getting older went quicker than we thought.

Did you lock the door?

I thought something was wrong with me.

When you love each other, you desire each other.

I think she's beautiful. I love her.

But I don't desire her anymore. - I looked online.

There are virility pills for men, but there's nothing for women.

I'm doing something wrong.

I think any other man would be a better lover.

- It's my fault. I can't unite love and sex.

Or love and security. It wasn't an issue in my affairs.

- What will happen? Will I never sleep with my wife again?

- If the bubble hadn't burst, it would've stayed like that.

It was a really shitty day.

- Ten years? That's lovely. What did Gianni give you?

Nothing. All I want is a new job.

Merveille, a fresh scent with pink grapefruit, madam.

Silly cow.

- Not even a small gift? I'd be insulted.

- Hallelujah and congrats. - For me?

- Sweet. - Yeah.

Aren't we clever, being with our dream man for ten years?

We made 5000 copies.

But you don't even have a boyfriend.

- She means us. - Who knows.

To life and love!

- It's our anniversary. I'll do something small.

- How many years? - Ten.

- That went fast. - Getting anything?

No presents.

- Ten years together and you're having a small do without presents?

- Hi, a surprise party. Gianni, Nele's husband.

Surprise party. Whoo! Exactly.

You know who I am, right? Sure. Come by at 7 p.m.

All right, wedding ... party? Ah! At 7 p.m.

Yes, yes. Sure, with kids.

Heinz, it's Gianni. Can you come earlier?

- The new one from Copycat is cute. - She's sucking up to everyone.

Are we going to the bar? - I can't, I have to go home.

- Nele, Monika. How did it go? - People are either broke or grumpy.

We need more testers. - And more competition.

- From next week on, the client wants students in the cosmetics department.

- Rookies in cosmetics? - He means younger women.

- We want to use mature hostesses like you for the right thing.

- Enough of the verbal foreplay. - Food.

- What food? - Meat and cheese.

- Meat and cheese? - Regional, organic and fair trade.

- Fair for whom? - If it were up to me...

The cheese union likes older employees.

- Nothing serious. Champagne, lack of iron and wedding anniversary.

Happy anniversary, darling.

- Wow, you didn't say anything. Not even Monika.

- I know we said no presents, but close your eyes.

- You've wanted this for a long time. Surprise!

A dog kennel?

- A tool box for your drills, sanders and such.

It took Heinz and me two hours to make it.

Hey, that's great.

Thanks so much.

- Davorka? - Monika invited me.

Hey...

- Is that okay for you? - Yeah, sure.

- The barbecue's on, drinks are over there. That's my husband.

- Shame she can't make a living with this.

- The guy who printed out the flyers at mine was so unattractive.

With white around the mouth... - A drooler, yuck!

- And greasy skin... - What do women want?

"Looking for a man with 25-cm humor"? - Why not?

We have standards. - Feminist talk.

First they castrate their husband, then they look for a plaything.

- I invited her because you said she's alone.

- Benny, Timo, sausage! - I'm a vegetarian.

With or without mustard?

- What's the idea? Should I serve salad?

- Everyone serves themselves. - Let's do this properly.

We've run out of bubbly too.

Side dishes from the host,

who can't tell a drill from a hammer.

But he can make salad.

I feel like I screwed her over.

She wanted a real man. A doer, a go-getter.

I'm a sham package.

I know what I should do, but I can't do it.

- His lack of orientation gets on my nerves.

I have to tell him everything, as if he were my child.

There are no erotic feelings between a child and its mother.

- The groupies want to sleep with the lead guitarist.

But only the drummer's left. I don't play the drums.

I still hope a miracle will happen

and we'll ravage each other like we used to.

What a day. I think we did okay though, right?

I think so.

- It's strange that Davorka has the same hairdresser's.

I didn't notice.

- If you didn't know me and would see me in the street,

what would you think?

- I'd think: "Wow, why don't I know her?"

Would you check me out?

- Definitely. - What would you check out?

Your face, your bum...

I have to turn off the barbecue. - I need to check my emails.

ESCAPADE

REGISTRATION

AUNTIE EMMA

HI, AUNTIE EMMA.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

IN MY SHOP. AND YOU?

IN THE BUSHES. WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE?

OLD AND WRINKLY. YOU?

GREEN, SLIMY AND HORNY.

FROSCH12 SENT YOU A PICTURE. TO SEE IT, SEND ONE BACK.

THE PICTURE IS BEING OPENED...

- How silly. - Really silly.

Really silly.

I...

- Shit. - Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Well... - I didn't know...

Well, I'm going to get in...

- Wake up! Wake up! - Hey, what's up?

- "Green, slimy and horny"? - Stop it!