The Afterparty

Who's hungry?

We made this.

-You can have one if you want. -No food.

Best Man, can I interest you in a Dutch baby?

-Not the first time I've been asked that. -Huh?

-Huh. -Different context. Carbs?

-Tons. -No.

Okay.

Ah, our intrepid investigator.

Oh, what, uh, is all this?

Funcle Ulysses made his famous Dutch babies, and they are to die for.

That's not-- You know what I mean.

Well, they do smell really good.

That's because, instead of buttermilk,

I used a little bit of koumiss.

- - Mmm.

- Okay. Not on the babies. - No.

I can still taste it.

Uh, Zoë. Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?

-Oh, no. What is it? -Uh, it's--

W-We-- We-- We need to interview your-- your uncle.

-What? -Uh, a-and possibly your mom.

And, you know, maybe your dad.

Why? That is a huge waste of time.

Because, Zoë, I can't fuck the arsonist.

What does that mean?

It's a very long, very graphic story. But essenti--

Okay, I don't need to know.

But I do know that Sebastian's almost done doing whatever the hell he's been doing.

The police are gonna get here,

and you're gonna be questioning my uncle who barely knew Edgar?

-Tell me how that makes any sense. -We're not accusing him…

…but… …you know, maybe he knows something.

S-Same with your parents.

None of them killed Edgar, okay?

And if you think that they did, then--

You know what? I don't wanna talk about this with you anymore.

-…just is conforming to my scoliosis… -No, don't worry. It sets the liver--

-…and just gets the muscles-- -Hey.

-Hey, everything okay? -Yeah.

Um, if Danner and Aniq ask you to talk, you don't have to, okay?

-Great. We agree. - What's that?

We've already decided we don't want to participate in the investigation.

Um…

but, well, here's a question:

Why… …wouldn't you wanna talk to them?

I-- I mean, I know it's a total waste of time, but, um…

…it just makes you look… …kinda guilty.

I'm being accused because I saved some flowers.

-Right. -It's gone too far.

-Mmm. -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're on the same page.

I'm gonna guess I'm here because Sebastian told you about the glass

that I was doing something to.

I can explain. The glass was--

Oh, actually, we'd like to hear your whole story.

My… …whole story?

That may take some time. I have lived many lives,

and I have many tales to tell.

Well, you know, actually, maybe let's just start

from the beginning of-- of the wedding. Uh…

-'cause we're kinda short on time. Okay. -I'm a searcher, a wanderer.

As the Sami of Scandinavia call it…

…hjertevandrer.

Did you learn that from your world travels or from Wikipedia?

After hearing my story, you be the judge.

It's an epic tale. It's a story of love, betrayal, tragedy and redemption.

It begins long ago…

in the harsh, unforgiving desert of the Middle East.

The Butcher of Baghdad, Saddam Hussein

had invaded his peace-loving neighbor Kuwait.

And the good old US of A wasn't gonna stand for it.

- You were in the army? - No.

So, what kind of dancing y'all do?

I was with the army.

The real question is, "What don't we do?" Tap, jazz, hip-hop.

Can you do the robot?

I was a dancer in the USO,

on the "Rootin' Tootin' Salute to America" tour.

-Hot damn! There it is right there! -

Man, can you teach me how to do that?

My cousin would shit bricks if I could do that--

- - Take cover!

Oh, shoot.

Pull back!

Medic! Medic!

Terry. Terry, Terry.

God.

Find his foot!

Somebody find his fucking foot!

Why?

He's never gonna jitterbug again.

The tour was canceled.

I left the USO and went back to civilian life.

But I was lost.

-I had nothing to come home to. -Find his foot.

Find his fucking foot.

The only real family I had was my half-brother, Feng, and his family.

He was from my mother's previous marriage,

but Feng always treated me with the warmth of a full brother.

So, what do you plan on doing now that you're back?

I tried tap dancing to see if I still had it in me, but, uh,

every shuffle heel-toe, it felt like machine-gun fire.

- -

I'm a "buncle." Bad uncle.

-No, you're not. You're just-- - Oh, God.

-Look. -

I took the liberty of--

"Competitive ballroom dance"?

But I-I've never competed. And who'd be my partner?

We were thinking… Vivian.

She was a competitive ballroom dancer in college,

and she came in third at Nationals.

- It was 30th. -Eh, still pretty good. Yeah?

-I never knew. -We're your family, brother.

We wanna help you get back on your feet.

I don't want your pity.

-You'll never get it. -Good.

Show me the frame.

I'd never known Vivian as anything more than a wife and mother.

Shoulders down. Chin up. Stiff like a board.

She was an exacting teacher.

- Again! - How about the hips?

-No, no hips. Frame up! -How about the hips?

You have talent, but you need the restraint.

-Stiff! Like, strong-- strong-- -Okay. I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just--

It's not gonna work, okay?

I can teach you discipline…

…but you need to dance…

from there.

There's nothing in here but pain, okay?

Then let it out.

Dance with the pain.

Again.

She was bringing me back to life.

Much better. Very good.

We started competing,

and it took us on a jet-set adventure to exotic locales.

Sea air. I needed this.

I think we should do the around-the-world lift.

What?

No, I can't. I'm not ready.

We've practiced it.

-Never full-out. What if I drop you? -No, you won't.

Look. We won't win if we play it safe.

Vivian, I can't!

I'm too broken, okay?

I believe in you.

We're gonna dance here.

Here? On the beach? Like the seagulls do?

Now I'm gonna run to you, and you are gonna catch me.

- -

- -

-Wow. -Uh, yeah. Big wow. So many wows.

So many wows, in fact, that I don't believe it. You know, it's not possible.

A shocking turn in my tale, I know, but it's true.

Oh, well, this only proves that you danced together.

Well, this is a tasteful boudoir.

-Nope, I don't need to see that. -I'll take a look.

Damn, Vivian. Okay.

So, you ended it?

How could I?

Vivian had brought me back to life.

We lived double lives.

On the road, we continued to dance, both vertically and horizontally.

But at home…

Special dinner for our special winners.

-La-di-da. Dig in, dig in. - Thank you, brother.

-All right. Thank you, thank you. - I can't believe you won.

What was it like?

Heaven on earth.

Of course, it was only regionals, but, uh…

Brother, you're too modest. This is just the start.

I'm not a betting man, but if I was,

I'll bet you two will go all the way

to the World Championships in Paris this November.

Can you imagine the two of you dancing in the City of Lights?

Now, I could help. Dude, pass me a toothpick.

You guys are so in sync, that really tickles me.

It's really jammed up in there, guys. Just, you know-- Thank you.

Ah, that's the stuff.

Nothing like a good toothpick.

- Oh, yeah. -Um, you know what?

I'm-- I'm so sorry, but, uh,

I realized I've got tickets for Wilson Phillips at the Cow Palace.

Um, I gotta go. Thank you so much.

Wait. I have a surprise for Vivian and I want you to be here for it.

-Surprise? What-- - Yes!

I know it's early,

-but happy anniversary. -

- - Oh.

Trickster, you're always giving me presents when I'm not expecting.

That's the only way it's a true surprise. Open it.

- -

You're gonna look like you're at the Oscars. May I?

-Mm-hmm. - Okay.

Oh.

Oh, damn.

These fingers are so chapped from cooking and cleaning for our only child.