Miss Annie Rooney

The Rooney residence.

0h, hi, myrtle.

I just couldn't wait to call you.

I'm up to page 39. Where are you up to?

Oh, I'm almost through the third act.

Isn't that just too thrillingly devastating?

I'm so glad that we're reading it together.

We'll have so much to talk about.

I think one of the characters is a little on the drippy side.

But poor Eliza, the heroine I mean.

She's so divinely sadly beautiful.

Just a little slavey with her soul yearning for beauty and love.

I could have quietly fainted

when the hero decided to make all of her dreams come true.

0h, myrtle. Do you suppose I...

We will ever meet anyone like that.

Oh, I don't know, Joey is kinda snakey.

Oh, yes, of course.

Most of the men we know are nice enough.

But that savoir faire is so important.

If Joey only had more finesse.

But I'm working on it.

I hear your groan box. What's churning?

Oh, that.

A divine arrangement of jitterbug jamboree.

Annie: Smooth, isn't it? I'll bring it tonight.

Who are you coming with?

Oh, with Joey, I suppose.

He is usually the head man.

Sorry, have to axe the gab, be seeing you.

Okay, 30 for now.

Signing off.

Come in grandpop. Is there anything else I can do?

The table's all set.

Everything is all set but your father. He is late again.

Maybe he is working on a prospect.

Aren't you hungry, darling?

Oh, I haven't even thought of food.

I've been just devouring my book.

I'll never understand how you can read with all that noise.

Why? I never hear it.

Well, if you don't hear it, why play it?

Grandpop, music is inspirational.

I hope dad isn't too late.

I'm expecting Joey. It's awfully important.

Rooney: Hey, is anybody home?

- There's dad now. - Well, it's about time.

Hiya, pop. Whatcha got for dinner?

Look, would it be asking too much

for you to come home on time for your meals

after I go through the trouble of making them?

You won't have to be making them for long, pop.

You'll be sticking your feet under a table at the ritz.

Boy, did I get a break today.

You mean that gold mine thing is gonna pay off after all?

Well, not exactly, but something a lot better.

Well, that's what you said about the gold mine.

And it was a lot better than the perpetual motion machine.

I've been saving a little bit of a surprise for you, pop.

About a month ago, I ran into a professor. A genius.

He invented a process of making rubber out of milkweed.

- Rubber out of milkweed! - Yeah.

It's the greatest thing since Edison invented the electric light.

And today I got control of it, for practically nothing.

And would you believe it, pop, nobody but me would even listen to him.

Think of it. Millions of dollars growing wild on vacant lots.

Why with the war and all, it's a natural.

You know what a small bank roll of say 500 bucks...

Whoa! Wait a minute.

You think I'm made of money?

But this is a chance of a lifetime.

No, you don't. You talked me into that gold mine.

Gee, pop, how did I know the mine was going to spring a leak and let the ocean in?

That's been the trouble with your schemes.

You didn't know something about all of them.

This one is sure fire. I guarantee it. Sure fire.

Tim, I've helped you before because I'm your father.

But this is your chance to get it all back and a thousand times more.

Save your breath. I haven't got the money and that is the end of it.

If you would work as hard at your own job,

as you do promoting some get rich quick idea, you'd be a lot better off.

And I'd still have the few dollars I saved up for a rainy day.

Rubber out of milkweed.

There you go, breaking down my morale the minute I get home.

That's not morale, that's nuts.

- Dad! - Hello, darling.

Gee, you look wonderful. I like your hair that way too.

Oh, that's just the blarney in you.

That's just the baloney in him.

0h, don't mind him. He's just jealous of the attention I'm giving you.

And just to prove that you're my girl,

I got a little present for you.

- Dad! A new record. - Oh, wait a minute. Who is your favorite father?

- You are. - Who do you love the most?

You.

It's the boogie, woogie bagpiper.

Oh, it's terrific, thanksloads.

Soup's on.

That's what you get for treating the cook like a member of the family.

Soup's on. Shame on you.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

What's that?

That there is French.

One of the romance languages, daddy. Thelanguage of the immortals.

Well, in the language of the Rooney's, pass the stew. That's Irish.

Dad, only a Barb laughs at culture.

I think the French have so much oomph!

The French had so much oomph.

Dad, if you didn't know me and saw me on the street,

I mean, among millions of people actually,

would you pick me out?

What?

I mean, would you be able to see the inner radiance

shining through my drab garments.

Say, have any of those kids at school been making cracks about your clothes?

Oh, of course not, grandpop.

I'm just being hypothetical.

Oh, well, that's different.

That's practically what happened to Eliza in pygmalion.

Well, don't you worry, darling.

I'd be able to pick you out anywhere.

How could I miss?

Could you, grandpop?

I mean, if you were a person like,

well, like the caliph of Baghdad.

I could do it if I was the king of england.

Skin beater.

Well, at least you were expecting him.

A quiet evening at the rooneys.

Somebody ought to tell him that that outfit of his'll

never take the place of the old fashioned doorbell.

- Hi, sugarpuss. - Hi, Superman. Come on in.

Couldn't take a chance leaving the skins in the car.

Somebody might snatch them.

That would be a tragedy.

Hello, Mr. Rooney. Hi, grandpop.

Gather around, listen to this

Is that a dilly?

My own composition.

Come on, the scramble is on at myrtle's.

Grab the old wing-ding and we'll put the show on the road.

Is it all right if I go, dad?

Go where?

Why, Joey just told you. The panic is on at myrtle's.

A select group of ladies and gentlemen,

of the younger set are gathering at myrtle's

for a sociable evening of dancing.

Oh. And what's that wing-ding you're to grab?

My hat, father.

Grandpop: Never mind the dishes, darling. I'll take care of them.

Oh, grandpop, you're just too perfectly snazzy.

And never mind the maple syrup, grab your wing-ding and scram.

Oh now, wait a minute young lady.

You've already been out twice this week.

And why not?

- Now, pop, I'm her father. - And I'm your father.

- What about your homework? - Ah, think nothing of it, Mr. Rooney.

In our class the teacher does the homework.

I have to grab my hat and coat, be back in a sec.

I got Anastasia parked outside.

And who is Anastasia?

Anastasia is Joey's new heap.

A heap's a meat grinder, Mr. Rooney.

And a meat grinder, Mr. Rooney is an automobile.

I put it together myself out of spare parts.

I feel like a foreigner.

A foreigner's a square head who ain't hep to the angles.

Alley-oop, darling. Keep the candle burning in the window.

Au revoir, mon Cher.

Tout de suite, mademoiselle.

- Come on, gate, let's circulate. - I hear you humming.

Language of the immortals.

- Bye now. - Bye.

Bye.

Where does an alien go to register?

- Maybe I'm crazy. - Oh, you're all right, bud.

You're just not hep to the jive.

Oh, don't bother pop, I'll go.

Save the wear and tear of those flat feet of yours.

Oh, good evening, Mrs. Metz.

Oh, you're having dinner, I hope I'm not intruding.

Tell her we are not at home.

I just finished baking this pie, Mr. Rooney.

And I thought your little family

might enjoy the taste of home cooking.

Home cooking.

What do you think I'm running here, Mrs. Metz, a tourist camp?

Oh, I know you do your best, Mr. Rooney,

but a woman's hand makes the house a home, you know.

I've been the only woman in this house for the past 10 years.

Oh, don't mind pop, Mrs. Metz. He's a great joker.

And dear Annie, how is she?

She's okay.

Must be all of half an hour since you saw her.

And such a precious child.

I just can't help taking a motherly interest in her.

Oh, it's nice of you dropping in like this, Mrs. Metz.

After all, it's the little things in life that count.

I dislike so to mention it, Mr. Rooney.

Poor little me just no head for business. About the rent, I mean.