Robot Chicken

Man: It's alive!

You'll never get me to talk.

Perhaps you'd like to see your wife again, Mr. Potato Head.

No! No! No!

Archie, you better not be up to any mischief,

or it's detention.

Gosh, Miss Grundy, I don't have time for mischief,

what, with all the homework you give us.

Oh, wow. It's so hot.

Oh, my! That is some grade-A ginger beef right there.

Ahem, give you a lift home, Archie?

Jeepers, Miss Grundy, that would be swell.

Listen, Archie, you're never going to get

a passing grade in my class.

Aw, shucks.

However, I'll give you an "A" if you give me the "D"...

in the "A."

Oh, Archie! Oh!

Oh, why can't I resist that silver minx?

She's like a fine steak, aged to perfection.

-Oopsy! -Oh!

-Oh, Archie! -Oh, Miss Grundy!

-Call me Geraldine. -Well, somehow that's even grosser sounding

than Miss Grundy.

Mmm, mmm! Oh, your tongue is rough. Hmm.

You've a bad girl, Miss Grundy!

Is that the best you've got?

Hi, I'm producer Greg Berlanti.

You're watching the original un-aired pilot

for "Riverdale" on the CW.

The first note from the network was

"For the love of all that's holy,

please make Miss Grundy 22 instead of 82."

Bad note, but whatevs.

Their second note was to definitely

cut this next part out of the script.

Who's up for a human centipede --

with cheese?!

Encyclopedia Brown, who forgot to flush the toilet again?

For the answer to the mystery

of who forgot to flush the toilet again,

turn to page 196.

It was me!

I hate snakes, Jock, I hate 'em!

Henry, I know you're taking the divorce very hard,

but there's someone I want you to meet.

Steven? -Hiya, sssport!

Your mom sssays you're a real sspecial guy!

How'd you like a catchersss mitt?

Huh, little man? -I'll never love you!

Henry! Oh!

Give him sssome time.

You've got a ssswell...

ssssssson there.

Hey, legless, you're in my seat.

Now, sssir, you're sssloshed.

I think it would be better for everyone if you'd ssscram.

Why don't you unhinge that jaw and ssssuck my cock?

Stop! You'll kill him!

Aah!

I don't know, Indy,

it doesn't sound like any of that was the snake's fault.

Also, he swallowed my mother.

Wow, talk about burying the lead.

Rock, paper, scissors.

Shoot! Oh! Rock beats scissors.

Narrator: Edward threw "paper" that time, but how could she know?

How could she know?

Man: As kids, we attained the ability to transform

into any animal we touched.

Yeah, we're Animorphs, and we're in college, yo!

Ha ha, yeah! All right! High-five!

Man #2: Oh, Cassie, you're a girl and I'm --

-This is gonna make my father furious! -Bark, bark, bark!

Bark! -Whoa?!

I knew you were cheating on me!

-Jake, I can explain! -

Hey, just out of curiosity, what was your explanation gonna be?

Oh, no. We forgot to study!

No worries. I got this.

Oh, God!

Marco!

Man #3: So, Dexter, tell me why you think you're M.I.T. material.

Surely you are joking! I see.

Trying to justify your salary.

Well, I was a boy genius.

I built a secret laboratory at age seven

where I created brilliant inventions.

Right, but I don't see any extracurriculars here.

Um, extracurriculars? I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Like, you know, sports, clubs, student council,

a single kiss from a girl.

I can clone human beings.

I've made time machine and a time expansion helmet.

So no extracurriculars?

I'll show you extracurriculars.

Dexter, Dexter, guess what?!

I got into M. I. T., Harvard, and Yale

because I'm so well-rounded!

What were the last two?

Harvard and Yale!

Harvard and Yale.

At last!

A mini bust of Burgess Merediths' 1966 Penguin.

Ah!

Oh, not that my collection of nerd paraphernalia is complete,

I can finally start living a life

of rewarding personal relationships

and get on a healthy regiment of diet and exercise.

Get, get -- Get right on that.

Man-E Faces, you are...not the father!

I knew it! Yes!

But are!

Aw, damn it!

Cash me outside. How 'bout that?!

Livewire, Toyman, show me your plans to destroy Supergirl

and I will fund the best idea.

Feast your eyes, Maxwell Lord.

A military assault vehicle made out of pure kryptonite.

-Very intriguing. -What the hell is that?

-Kryptonite vibrator. -That is absurd.

Why not make a kryptonite sword or use kryptonite bullets?

This way, she does all the work for us.