Aida, the Movie (Aída y vuelta)

ONCE UPON A TIME,

THERE WAS A COMEDY SERIES CALLED AÍDA

THAT PREMIERED IN 2004 AND ENDED IN 2014.

BUT WHAT IF IT HAD CONTINUED A FEW MORE YEARS?

IT NEVER HAPPENED, BUT IT COULD HAVE.

THE MOVIE

- -

"ACTORS HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE VALUES WE CONVEY."

A WRITER'S DIARY

RESPECT FOR THE VICTIMS

SET 1

MONDAY

Okay, so, before we start the table read,

I wanted to mention that in yesterday's episode,

the joke about Irene Villa got some reactions.

-The people at the door. -I was surprised.

So, turns out Carmona knows her, he spoke to her,

-and she's cool. -Super sweet.

She actually thought it was funny.

So that's all good.

-We're not firing any writers. - Yay!

-Yeah! -Lucky you!

And about the ratings. We got a 19% share, with peaks of 23.

Most watched show on Sunday.

-Oh, yeah. Peak performance. -

This week we're filming the final episode of season 14.

The network confirmed we're renewed for at least one more season.

-Nice! - Woo!

When am I leaving?

Because we agreed Aída ended in this episode,

and I don't see an ending written for her.

I thought they'd already told you.

No one said anything to me.

We'll talk to Fernanda later, if that's okay.

But I'm done after this week,

even the janitor knows that.

Just putting it out there.

Alright then, let's do comedy.

-Okay. -Let's go.

"Episode 315, scene 1, exterior, night.

A hairy creature escapes from the trunk and runs into the dumpsters."

- -"What?

Barajas? Did you see that?

Was that a dog?"

"Luisma, that wasn't a dog.

Could it be...?"

"Oh, my God, it is!

I don't know if it was aliens, Santa Claus, or Mister Jesus Christ.

But thank you for answering the prayers of these humble ex-junkies."

"They've finally sent us..."

"An Ewok!"

"Hey fam, have fun.

I've got big plans in prison too.

Movie night and beating up lesbians."

"Must have been bad in Cuba for Mom to want to land in prison."

"She escaped hiding inside a double-door fridge.

-Hmm, my dream!" -

"Eugenia and Soraya lean over the balcony."

"What's all this noise? Ah! It's Mauricio's monkey!"

"He's human! He needs to go back to the stable he came from."

"As an animal he's kind of cute, but as a person he's disgusting.

Ah! One of his balls is out!"

- This isn't funny to me. -What did you say?

-I said this isn't funny. - The ball thing?

We're making fun of someone who's right there with us on set.

I've got a cousin...

I sincerely doubt

the Ewok association will get offended.

He's not an Ewok.

He's a dwarf actor.

With achondroplasia.

I don't think it's funny.

Maybe you don't because you want to leave

and nothing's funny to you.

That might be it.

Maybe nothing's funny to me anymore.

- -Anyway.

-Let's keep going. -

We're almost done with the read.

We'll revisit that joke, Miren.

-Thanks. -You're welcome.

"Soraya crosses the tape line and walks toward Jonathan and Mecos."

"Give it here, damn it.

Luis Mariano García García!

I'm in no damn mood for Ewoks! Bring him down or I will!"

Thanks, everyone. Ten minutes until rehearsal, okay?

Okay.

-What's got into you? - I can't anymore.

Look at my leg.

Oh, God, that's raw.

I'm wrecking it, seriously.

Will you speak up?

Of course. Let's see what they come up with.

Um, Carmen.

-What? -I want to leave too.

Then leave, Paco. What do you want me to say?

Yeah, but we can't both leave.

I don't know how much longer you plan on playing Luisma,

but I need to do other things.

I can't do this anymore.

You were able to leave and come back

because I stayed behind holding the fort.

Oh, you did that for me, of course.

For me, for all our colleagues, and me first of all.

Come on, Paco, you've got to be kidding.

-Wow, things are tense. -

-What's up with your eye? -Oh, nothing.

I was out with my dad yesterday, and some dumb teens started yelling,

"Look! The fag from Aída!"

You know me. I shouted back, "You want a blowjob?"

Then it went to hell.

-Did they hit you? -No, they didn't!

But they jumped up fast, me and my dad ran,

and I slammed right into the car door.

-Self-inflicted. Totally my fault. -

I've got a cousin who's like Chiqui from Big Brother.

- -No, I'm serious.

She's adorable. She looks just like Inma Cuesta.

But she's 4 feet tall. It's really hard for them.

Yes, of course I know. How would I not?

As a kid I was half the height, double the weight.

Plus, I wore a lazy eye patch and leg braces for my hips.

-I told my mom, "I want to be an actress." - Aw!

She said, "If you survive school, that's enough for me."

Poor thing.

Hey, Pepi, are you a dwarf?

Come on.

-Did you really just ask if she's a dwarf? -

Don't be a pig.

Come on, David.

I only asked because there are different types of conditions, that's all.

Like Estrellita used to say,

"Everyone's got a crooked picture on their wall."

- -That's it!

Hey.

Ugh, it's so hot.

Tell them to turn on the AC.

- -

Remember Estrellita?

- Please, he was amazing. -I loved him.

Why do you want my size?

Oh, for the movie.

Damn.

And when does filming start?

Two months?

Okay, tell them I'm a size 4.

Yeah, I've got time.

Alright, protein, cigarette, protein, cigarette. Let's go.

Carmen,

we're really bummed you want to leave again--

Please.

Please, don't start with that, okay?

I came back under certain conditions that were never met.

I said this would be my last season.

We just read the last episode, and there's no ending.

We want you to come back next season.

Seriously, do I have to spell it out for you?

Take it easy, Carmen.

Alright, alright.

We'll do whatever you want, just like we always have.

-You know I how I feel... -Okay.

Alright, if that's your final decision, we'll leave it at that.

But we still need to give the character a proper ending.

It's our responsibility to the audience, Carmen.

It's your responsibility too.

We'd love for what you won't let us do with you

to at least be allowed to do it without you.

What will you do without me?

I am Aída.

No, you aren't.

You're Carmen.

Huh?

I'm Fernanda. He's Julián.

And Aída is a character owned by the production company.

-Wait, what are you trying to say? -Okay, let me explain.

We have the technical ability

to keep the character alive, by putting your voice and face on another actress.

Are you serious?

-You're joking, right? -No.

We'd do it with your supervision, Carmen.

We're not going to do anything reckless.

Don't worry.

You wrap this week.

Clearly, you need it. Mental health comes first, right?

And we'll take care of Aída's exit. Hmm?

Why don't you just kill me off?

"Aída has to die."

- Wow. - The title alone is bold.

"You have to admit,

there are moments in Aída that make you laugh.

It's hard not to crack a smile at nonsense." Wow.

"It's a show that pretends to be punk,

but really just reinforces sexist, homophobic, and racist stereotypes."

- Wow. -What?

Right in the feels.