Café Flesh

Good evening mutants, and mutettes, and welcome to Cafe Flesh.

The club where post-nuke cuties do it nightly

for guys and gals who wanna go all the way,

but just don't have the equipment.

You don't have to be ashamed. There's nothing wrong with just watching.

We got the act if you got the Jack.

Hey, what the heck folks? This is art.

This is entertainment.

This is the best crack and whimper you're gonna get in your condition.

So drink up and tip big. The show's hot, the liquor's not.

And me, I'm your humble guide for the night,

Max Mellow-dramatic, the man who likes to smile,

the man who makes the masses happy.

Oh, I just love sex negatives.

I love those little tears of hunger in your eyes.

That's my nectar. Could anything be sweeter than desire in chains?

Trust me folks. I know what you want,

and I know what it feels like when you don't get it.

Need is my fix ladies and gentlemen.

Max knows.

So go ahead and remember what it was like to lust.

Recapture the smack of flesh on flesh, that private ooze and lucky spasm,

the panic in the loins that tells you yes...Yes...YES.

Oh, and tonight folks, we're gonna take it all back

before your very eyes.

Cafe Flesh is gonna take you back to the old days.

And we're gonna start off with a tableau of desire in decline.

The honorable Mr and Mrs Sane.

A normal couple.

Dad works, mom has her hands full with the kids.

Sure, it's tough,

but this is love, folks, goes with the territory.

Max knows, so watch, remember, concentrate.

Who can say,

our humble spectacle might just be able to make you almost feel.

Max knows.

A class act, next time we come, remind me to set a trap.

- Nick, you're fantasizing again. - That's my only vice.

Fortunately.

I don't think I can handle another night of this.

- You say that every night. - Indulge me, frustration's a full time job.

Keep wishing kitty cat.

Hey, Nicky. You got a Lucky?

Yeah, sure, Spike.

- Thanks, Nicky. - Anytime.

Nicky doll, Lana....

Lana!

Where are my kids?

There they are.

He's gorgeous.

Are they Negatives? Can they do it?

Negatives. All the best cake is.

Hey, Cubbies. Have you heard?

I just signed Johnny Rico. Mom's is closing the deal now,

we're stealing him straight from Cafe Yuba.

Johnny Rico... I've always wanted to see him.

Oh my, strangle a girl with love.

Big deal. Rico fucks we watch. What else is new?

Every negative thinks every positive down the pike is Jack Lord.

Come on, Nicky.

You mean you wouldn't make love to me if you could.

What do you think?

Who's the party doll, Silky?

Angel here is a survivor from Wyoming.

First trip to the big city.

Alright, sweets?

I can't believe I'm really in Cafe Flesh.

I've never even seen a sex positive.

Can they really do it?

Sure, honey. Why don't you grab a flask and join us?

Here comes Maxie lollipop. Hold tight...

(Max sings wordlessly as he swings. Background sound of audience chatter)

Oh... Looky, looky, looky...

Max wearing his Sunday best.

Maxie wants to look nice for all you little peepers.

Hi, little peepers.

How's things out there in the carnal Charnel House.

Ah, yes...

Wonderous fragrance out there tonight.

Veritable bouquet of need.

If Maxie didn't know better, he'd swear there was a little new blood in the house.

Ah, yes...

Oh, but wait!

Wait.

There's Nicky and Lana.

The Dagwood and Blondie of Cafe Flesh.

You all know Nicky, don't you? He's so refined.

The kind of man who tells everyone he loathes our crude displays

then tramples women and children to get a seat up front.

Ignore him, OK Nicky?

Alright, little Lulu, can the charm.

The man wants to get vicious, folks

Deep down he's just another nice guy who'd slit your jugular to get it up once.

Just kidding folks

Ah, it's great to see you, Nick, really

Go play in the fall-out.

Now, let me see now. Where was I?

Oooh, the new stuff, that's right

I know there's some fresh flesh out here somewhere.

Oh, there she is. Look at the innocence on her.

Now, there's something to make Uncle Fomie stand up and tap dance.

What's your name, dream puss?

Should I?

It's just for yuck's, Pumpkin. Go ahead.

Angel.

Angel...

Do my ears deceive me?

Angel... Oh, that's terrific. Maxie gives it four stars.

- Where you from, Halo? - Well, I'm from Wyoming.

Wyoming, where a man can still be a man.

If he doesn't mind sleeping in lead pajamas.

Bet you've never been to a place like this before.

Kind of spooky, huh?

Well, I don't know.

Oh! And bright too. The gal can almost put a sentence together.

Why is it all the cute ones have grapefruit IQs?

Oh, that's okay, poochie. You just watch out for Silky there and you'll be alright.

Always the sharp ones that wanna play gravvy, gravvy in the moonlight.

You just tell him you'll sic his brother, Sneezy, and he'll leave you alone.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen...

You know, back where I come from in Memphis,

the only all we had was the kind boys used to slick back their hair.

But, well, I came through Houston once with the colonel,

and, well, all those legs and longhorns,

and, you know, steaks big enough to sleep on,

but, well, I got nothing against Texas Crude who's big and personal,

but, the kind of gushers I like are the kind a man can feel,

if y'all know what I'm talking about.

(Music starts and distant sounds of oil pumping)

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Do you want me to type a memo?

Was that for real?

I've heard, but I never knew people really did it.

Come on, doll face,

that ain't the best surprise this sugar daddy's got up his sleeve.

Let me grab you a flask.

God, I only wish... that looked so good.

Lana, I can't take this.

I gotta have it.

Post nuke thrill freaks, palsies.

We're all strung out.

OK, Nicky, let's go.

Leaving so soon, friend?

Feeling a little queasy?

Not tonight, Mr Joy. I'm not in the mood

Oh, I 'm sorry. Show is a little too good?

Too much? Couldn't quite handle it?

Good night, Mr Joy.

See you tomorrow, friend.

You ain't seen nothing, Baby Cakes

When you see Rico, you skip dessert and go straight to heaven.

- What's so special about Johnny Rico? - He's packing ten, the hard way.

Rico...?

Caught him in Chi Town playing the stockyards.

- One of the best. - You mean, you've seen him?

Sure, I've seen him. I've seen all the greats.

Saw Maris in '61, caught Frankie at Caesar's in '60.

Dino was there. Ratpack days.

Yeah, OK, Bosco. Get cupcake here another drink.

Gal can work up a thirst, can't you? Lucky you're in a safety zone.

I saw a guy get thirsty once on the outside,

a bowling alley,

drunk straight from the fountain, dropped dead in the gutter.

Mom's has to go to Sector 17 next week to check out some Positives.

She asked me to manage the club. What do you think?

- Why not? - Yeah, that's what I thought.

She said I can even choreograph one of the fantasies I want to use.

I thought that milkman number tonight was silly.

I mean, those guys in the Baby Drag were a bit too much.

Those routines are all the same to me.

Well, what do you think? Should I take the gig?

If you love hanging out with positives? Go ahead.

What's that supposed to mean?

I mean, it's more exciting than hanging out with genital zero.

Let's not try and kid ourselves Nick.

- You know we're both hooked. - Maybe so.

The difference is you're still chasing the rush.

All I can do is pretend. It's a bit late to be macho.

No danger of that.

Nick, you're missing the point, it doesn't play anymore.

- So what now? - So now you've changed.

Yeah, I know. But it's not something I can control.

I'd love to be like you. Going down to the Cafe every night.

Smile my little smile and drink my little drink.

I wish I could deal with what my life has turned into.

Then maybe I could handle it like you.

But I can't.

Maybe I'm not that tough.

- I remember when things were different. - Memory is a thief, baby.

Cafe Flesh is all we have.

- Cafe Flesh - That's right. It's entertainment.

Johnny Rico's coming, and it's gonna be wild.

That's what kills me.

Eat you up with the sperm counts of fucking Romeo.

If I still had the power I could make you forget.