American Dad!

Aah!

Oh, my. What a cute beret.

Cute?! Puppies are cute!

Reese Witherspoon before children was cute.

Ma'am, this hat symbolizes the Army's transition

into a 21st-century fighting force

with the power to slug it out

and win campaigns decisively!

It must be fun to play an Army guy.

Play?! Puppies play!

Reese Witherspoon plays to her strengths

when she takes on middle-of-the-road

romantic comedies like Sweet Home Alabama!

Ma'am, Sergeant Pepper serves his country

in the Army Reserves, preserving freedom!

No matter how dangerous it gets,

no matter who I have to kill...

Oh, I have to take this.

I love hanging out with your parents.

They were right about my colors.

I am an autumn.

Yeah, my folks are the best.

Hey, Dads.

Why are we pretending to be his parents again?

Because neither one of us

has anything left to say to each other.

You know what I'm talking about.

We're bored, and we've been bored for years.

I know.

Sorry I'm late.

I was in IKEA, and I couldn't figure out how to leave.

Every path led back to "Home Office."

It's okay, Dr. Penguin.

I've been feeling really guilty about...

Hold on.

Well, I've just been...

Oh, hang on.

There we go. Shoot.

Dr. Penguin, I'm still hiding

my new girlfriend from my mom and dad.

Uh-oh. That's normal--

a teenager embarrassed of his parents.

It's more than that.

I've actually been pretending my neighbors,

Greg and Terry, are my parents.

Yes, I know them. I painted them.

My folks would be devastated if they knew the truth.

What should I do?

Wow. I am hungrier than I thought.

And you need to keep lying.

What?!

Eventually, it'll become second nature

and you'll stop feeling guilty.

Okay.

Thanks, Dr. Penguin.

I always feel safe here.

How many times have you

been playing with yourself a day?

Three. We're going to up that to five.

You can take this prescription

to any room in the house with Kleenex and have it filled.

Thanks, Doc.

Ugh. I can't believe the family comes to you for therapy.

People shouldn't ignore their emotions

and avoid their problems.

What do you know? You're just a stupid fish.

I am a man in a fish's body.

I studied psychology at Frankfurt University!

If they came to me with their problems,

I could actually help them, not to mention get

the respect I deserve in this family!

Snow globe!

No! Nooooooo!

I've got a couple more hours here at the office, honey,

but I'll definitely be home for dinner.

Babe, I got to go.

Somebody just dropped a bunch of work on my desk.

What?

I eat here every day before I go home

because I can't stand my wife's cooking.

What, you never lie to your wife?

Sir, I'm a woman.

Uh, of course you are.

I should have noticed. You're clearly pregnant.

No, I'm not.

Of course you're not.

You're far too old to be pregnant.

I'm 23.

Well, I would apologize to you

if you didn't look like a fat old man.

It doesn't mean I love her any less.

It's just her food, right?

Of course. What's important here

is to avoid the truth at all costs.

I've always said, "What's important here

is to avoid the truth at all costs."

Jeff, we're ready for you.

Hey.

Hi.

Whenever Hayley wants to have sex,

I have to think about Francine.

It's the only way I can get excited.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jeff, do you have belly hair?

What? We'll circle back, Jeff.

My advice to you is to stop worrying about it.

Ugh. What?!

It's natural to think about Francine

when you're sleeping with Hayley.

No! That's terrible advice!

What people don't know can't hurt them.

Oh, you're so wise, Dr. P.

No! Listen to me!

Relationships are much stronger

when they are based on truth and honesty.

Punch a fish, make a wish.

Can Cost Plus make something

that doesn't smell funny and break two days later?

So nice of you to have me to dinner.

I don't ordinarily dine with my patients.

I tend to suck on food erotically,

and it makes people uncomfortable.

Lentils are ready.

Delicious!

Mail came.

I'm going to eat after I do my miles.

Mmm! Mmm. Mmm.

Who's Sergeant Pepper?

Well, thank you for a lovely evening.

I see you didn't open the wine I brought,

so I am taking it with me.

Just drinking a nice young Beaujolais with the boys.

Heard I got some mail.

Oh. I see.

It's happened.

I've been called on to serve.

What? Where? In Iraq.

Oh, no! It's all right, ma'am.

That's what all that training was for, I suppose.

Say your prayers, Iraqis, and I'll say mine.

Ow! I stepped on that glass!

I stepped on that mother-lovin' glass!

You're all sued when I get back!

Wait. Can I still see Dr. Penguin?

If Pepper's going to Iraq,

I think it's pretty obvious that Dr. Penguin

will be staying with his Aunt Evelyn for a while.

Wait. You can't go to Iraq.

I'm still lying to Jeff

about where I go when I say I'm jogging.

I need Dr. Penguin to tell me it's fine.

No can do. It's official.

Bye-bye, Dr. Penguin!

Dr. Klaus is in the house.

Well, who else shall I send to Iraq?

That jerk at the dry cleaners who lost my tie.

How could this happen?

You're not even in the Reserves.

Don't worry. I know a place where they'll never find me.

Shh...

Save your tears, maggots.

I'm off to Iraq to preserve your freedom.

Keep you in two-ply toilet paper and soy milk.

You pansies make me sick!

Mmm. Mmm, mmm.

Wait for me.

Good day to everyone.

I just wanted to say that I will be taking over

Dr. Penguin's practice while he's away.

You can't just put on glasses

and pretend to be a doctor, Klaus.

The glasses are prescription, and I am not pretending.

Ugh. Stop talking, fish.

I am not a fish.

I am a man in a fish's body.

Look, all of you have serious issues,

and I can help you.

Now, I will have office hours in the attic from 9:00 to 5:00.

Or whenever.

Any time is good.

If you can't find me,

check the pantry.

I go in there

to eat baking chocolate

and cry sometimes.

Can you help me, Klaus?

Of course I can help you.

I can't find my phone. Have you seen it?

Ph-Phone?!

But what about the lies you tell your husband?

Oh, wait. (sighs)