Pandemonium

J hey, hey, what do you say?

J blue, blue, all the way!

Oh golly, look at him go!

A truly sensational pass, ladies and gentlemen!

Blue grange has broken seven tackles!

He's at 10, the five!

Touchdown!

The 1963 national championship!

Oh, blue, darling.

You'd probably love me if I was a nice midwestern girl

without this Brooklyn accent,

but oh, I'll try hard to be a wasp.

I'll bathe in milk, eat white bread without the crust,

and name our children Kent, Steve, and Mary Anne.

J hey, hey, what do you say?

J blue, blue all the way!

Look how dirty you get...

Blue, are the rumors of you going pro true?

Of course he's going pro.

He's the best.

No, he's not.

He'd get hurt.

He's not gonna go near another football!

Oh yeah, he's getting a football.

Put that down, you'll get hurt!

Blue, smile.

It's for the cover of sports lllustrated.

Uh-oh.

Girls, you know that halftime salute

to vegetables worked great.

- Thanks. - Thanks.

Hey, what do you say we all go to the malt shop?

The football players will be there.

Sounds fun!

Can I come too?

Forget it, Bambi!

Cheerleaders only,

so get outta here!

You know, beat it.

All right, stand back, stand back, police.

Bring that stretcher over here, bring it over.

I don't know who could have possibly done such a thing.

It's supposed to be the act of a maniac.

Either that or a very large chef.

Hal

oh, you scared me.

Are you pepe?

No, I am pepe.

I haven't been peppy since they removed my prostate gland.

May I clean inside of your megaphone?

No, no thank you.

I was told to ask for pepe, the maintenance man.

That is I, that is I.

My name is Bambi.

Bambi like the deer.

Like the little deer.

Only thee that is pure at heart

and says his prayers at night

may become a cheery leader

when the pom poms bloom and the Autumn moon is bright.

That's my ma ma.

Oh, you must be salt, pepe's mother.

So, you're the one starting

the cheerleading camp again, eh?

That's right.

Excuse me for saying this,

but you must be very stupid

because the cheerleading camp has been ruined by death

since 1963 when those cheerleaders were skewered to death

and then in '69 when their feet were...

You mustn't stay here.

I know every cheerleading camp here has ended in death,

but I've put all my life savings into this camp

as well as my time, energy,

and all-American cheerleading spirit!

I'm gonna make this camp a success.

Sure, I was turned down to be a cheerleader in '63,

but I was good, I was the best,

but they had their own little cliques

and only their friends could join.

So I had to transfer over to embraceable u

where I was captain for four years.

But now, I'll show them.

They'll see what I can do.

And I don't want you scaring my cheerleaders away

with those stories!

Can't we tell them the one about the mass murderer

who escaped from the prison?

No.

Can we tell them about the psychopath

who escaped from asylum?

No.

What about the waitress and the donkey?

Well, only if they're good.

Bus now leaving for akashabee,

Indiana, Denver, and Honolulu.

Stop, child.

Whoa.

Do you know the lord loves you?

Do you know that he's with you constantly

and he has told me personally

that he doesn't want you to sin unless he can watch?

Don't be tempted, child.

Don't get on that bus.

Mama.

You mustn't go to that evil camp with those,

those cheerleaders.

Everyone will see your dirty pillows.

Those aren't dirty pillows, mama.

They're breasts.

Not those.

Those are titties.

Those are dirty pillows.

Those aren't my dirty pillows, mama.

They're his dirty pillows!

They're not dirty pillows, they're breasts.

Butt out.

Satan, Satan is within my child.

Cast him out so she won't be led into temptation.

Mama, stop!

Mama, I've never been away from home before.

I never kissed a boy,

never went out on a date, nothing.

I just want to be a normal girl.

I'm going to that cheerleading camp

and I'm gonna be like everybody else.

I'm gonna make friends.

I'm gonna have fun.

I'm gonna wear makeup,

I'm gonna go out with boys,

I'm gonna sleep with truck drivers and get crabs,

and I'm gonna finally get to use my diaphragm!

I didn't raise you to be a cheerleader!

Ma!

Baby, baby.

Come on, ma.

No hickies please.

No hickies, no hickies before I go.

Now, Glenn,

remember when you're away at camp,

don't ever touch yourself or you'll go blind.

Son, son!

Son, son!

Good luck at camp, son.

Want to buy a pencil?

Okay, pop,

but only if you do your ray Charles.

Oh.

You know, son.

Your mother and I are very proud of you.

We have very high hopes for your future

unlike your brother Jimmy,

the black sheep of the family.

Well, I gotta go now.

Bye, son.

Call every weekend.

I will, pop.

Bye bye. - Bye bye.

Bye bye.

Bye, flicker.

Bye, mom.

Bye, mal

goodbye, son.

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

It must be morning!

And time to meet the breakfast.

First, from the dairy wonderland of Wisconsin,

it's eggs presented by my own son chip Jr.

And now from the golden wheatfields of Nebraska,

it's toast presented by my lovely wife chip sr.

Good morning, daddy.

Now, here's the moment we've all been waiting for.

All the way from the sunshine state,

it's juice presented by miss special around here,

my own lovely daughter, Mandy north!

Mandy's hobbies include sewing,

tap dancing, and pygmy war rituals.

May I have the envelope please?

Thank you.

And the winner is miss Mandy north!

Tell us, Mandy,

how will you use your title

to help end the world's hunger problem?

Well, I think that all hungry people

should brush their teeth.

You know, I brush my teeth up to 10 times a day

and it always seems that right after I brush,

someone offers me some food.

So if they brush their teeth,

someone will offer them food too.

Oh, good answer, Mandy.

I wish we had time to chat with Mandy

about Russian Chinese d'etat,

but Mandy must run, brush her teeth, floss,

and go to cheerleader's camp.

We'll be right back after this message about hemorrhoids.

- Ooh! - Yeah.

So, how are things out at the airport, Pete?