Aatmapamphlet (आत्मपॅम्फ्लेट)

The year: 1989

Two extremely important events occurred in our country.

Little Sachin Tendulkar's debut,

and...

Little Srushti holding my little hand!

Now, you might say Sachin's debut was important for India.

But what did India gain

in startled little Srushti holding my little hand?

Nothing at all at that time.

But what followed after she held my hand,

due to which...

I'll tell you later.

This much is essential to tickle your curiosity!

They say that all creation sprang from Lord Brahma.

Humans,

animals,

birds,

plants,

Rocks and stones.

Everything!

Thereafter, lineages increased gradually

and branched out.

And we eventually became so many castes and religions like this.

Hence, though we believe we have a million identities,

we are branches and leaves of the same tree!

But if you ask what fireworks this scene ignited,

before answering this question, you must know my autobiography!

I know that a nobody like me...

Wait! Rewind...

Stop!

I know a nobody like me is unsuitable for the word 'autobiography'.

Very well then... We'll call my autobiography...

Autobio-Pamphlet!?

As I was saying, we're all branches and leaves of the same tree.

And the leaf of my family, the Bendes... They're fluttering!

Why is it fluttering? Come let's see

This is my family's main man;

I mean main woman!

My great-grandmother!

Which means history,

Ancient history!

Actually, a little rain will be fine.

Her saree is fluttering in the wind- since the day her husband, i.e

my great-grandfather left her floundering!

Don't drink! - I will!

Don't drink! - I will, all the time!

Then feed me some too!

Our child in my womb too can have a zip!

Zip?

Zip?

It's SIP!

Bloody illiterate!

That Chandrika's so much better than you!

Chandrika?

Yes, Chandrika!

Why the hell did I marry you?!

Go to hell!

Already there!

And my great-grandmother

thrown out in pouring rain with my grandfather in her belly

Her life totally washed out literally!

Do husbands really need any reason to throw wives out?

Even hot season can be the reason!

The point is, if you're in a saree,

and you're left to flounder,

your saree will certainly flutter!

In 1930,

Gandhi started the Dandi march to obtain desired freedom.

And my great-grandmother had to march for a freedom she didn't desire.

Then, wandering from place to place,

staying with relatives,

she started a husband-less life.

Hey!

Sister!

Come!

Come...

Ooouch!

Seeing this, for a second she thought...

I too should've done this!

Never mind.

She entered the house.

Space crunched!

Poverty!

Food scarcity!

Thus begins with glory,

my family's story!

And one fine day, she discovered that

'Education is the milk of a tigress'

and she drank it!

And then she leaped! Little cat to a jungle cat,

then to a leopard,

then a tigress.

Till she became the headmistress of a school!

Nature was displaying its marvels.

Sudhakar, my grandfather- his growth,

nurture and marriage

and then the growth of his family,

i.e., the birth of my father

Then the growth of my father, his employment, his marriage-

and active married life!

Then my mother's scream

and my birth!

Look-this is a nice name- Ajata

Oh, my! This child has the blessings of Shiva himself!

No, it was the tongs...

Yes, yes-the tongs!

Shiva's devotees use those tongs, right?

That has been imprinted on baby's forehead!

But the "U" shape is Vishnu's symbol!

Shiva's symbol is three horizontal bands!

Never mind!

Let's think that both have blessed him!

Yes, yes-blessings indeed!

What else can it be!

Ashish!

blessing means 'Ashish'! Which became my name!

Oh, my!

Look!

God's blessings have disappeared!

Not disappeared..

Immanent.

That's how it is!

Mother's milk,

puke,

then solid food,

loose motions-

then eggs,

chicken-pox

crossing these usual milestones, my nurture progressed.

Preparing to run the race called life!

Finally, I started going to school.

School-going in those times was different.

No school buses like today,

nor the fast cars of parents.

Instead we had the slow but sturdy Kantabai!

For Rupees 25 a month, we got infrastructure like this

which was structured like this

and we would be transported to school like this.

As I was telling you,

the country too was crossing important milestones, like me.

The day I ascended to the second standard,

the same day India's population ascended to eighty crores.

Didn't I tell you?

The important events of the country

are tied to the important events of my life.

There's a whole list!

I was born in 1979,

the same day the Janata Party Government collapsed.

Since such an important event occurred at my birth itself,

everyone kept a close watch on me

Everyone was convinced

that I would cause something important at each stage in my life,

and I too never disappointed anyone!

The day I started crawling...

And India won the gold medal in Hockey at the 1980 Olympics!

My first stuttering words

coincided with Indira Gandhi's swearing in as Prime Minister.

I left peeing in my pants

and India won the Cricket World Cup!

I broke the sixth tea-saucer of my life

and the thespian Sanjeev Kumar..

lost his life!

Similarly, when I ate my first tamarind in the fourth standard,

V.P. Singh became the Prime Minister

After eating the first tamarind

and making V.P. Singh the Prime Minister,

my friends and I stayed back to see rehearsals of the Annual Day celebration.

Oh, sorry! These are my friends.

You must remember them

they have a significant part to play in that event

of international importance in the future.

Oh dear! What happened?

Hey Sushant, come!

Wait!

Madam, he laughs at this point every day!

Oh, God!

Would any of you like to act?

And my finger raised itself

That little raised finger

would bear the mountain of not only that juvenile drama,

but also the mountain of the progress of the whole country itself.

What happened Madam?

Oh, God! Thief! Catch him!

That's right.

But you play an old servant,

speak like an old man.

What happened Madam?

Oh, God! Thief! Catch him!

God knows what I read like an old man,

rehearsals were held, the drama was finalized,

and the day of performance arrived.

Bloody hell!

Oh, God! What happened?

A girl held my hand for the very first time!

Mine was love at first hand!

This is why in the future...

We'll see that later.

Let's continue now.

I FELL IN LOVE!

I paid constant attention to her.