Please Stand By

Light.

It can travel for millions of years

before finally reaching its destination.

It goes lonely and alone...

hoping that it will reach someone.

But what if it never arrives?

What if it never finds a home?

Because space is so vast...

and time is so long...

and out here, it's so easy...

to get lost.

All hands alert. All hands alert.

Radiation levels climbing.

35 percent.

Raise shields.

Shields are down to 60 percent.

Still falling.

Can I get a reading? Where is this coming from?

Life support has been compromised.

I repeat, life support has been compromised.

Captain's log, final entry.

The Enterprise is presumed lost.

Spock and I are the sole survivors.

Our destiny, unknown.

I'm not gonna make it, Spock.

You have to go on and save the Federation alone.

Negative, Captain.

I'm not going anywhere without you.

Spock to Enterprise.

"Enterprise, this is Spock."

"Enterprise, are you there?"

This is Scotlyn Kyle

at the Bay Area Assisted Living Center.

Please leave a message.

Hey, Big D.

Ladies.

Come here, Brittanie, give me a hug.

Oh, good morning.

Cindy...

High-five.

Nice one! That hurt!

Hey, where's Wendy?

I think she's upstairs in her bedroom.

"Hang on, Captain...

I am going to get you home."

- Good morning, Wendy. - Good morning, Scottie.

Okay.

Can we try three seconds of eye contact?

Let's try... three seconds.

Great. Three seconds of eye contact.

Yay.

So, next week, your sister's coming to visit.

How are you feeling about it?

Out loud thinking, please.

I'm feeling somewhat a little bit nervous.

What does that feel like?

Like I've got to pee, but I don't.

That's how nervousness feels for me, too.

But, you know, there's no need to worry,

we're gonna make sure you're very well-prepared.

Okay, now, can we go over your everyday schedule?

My everyday schedule...

Wake up.

Make bed.

Get towel and toiletries.

If my towel smells funny,

put it in the hamper and get a new towel.

Go into bathroom.

Check to see if I'm having my period.

If I am having my period,

remember that I am having my period.

And how do you do that?

I put one thumb up to help me remember.

If I am having my period, put on a Kotex maxi pad,

and put my thumb down.

Put on an outfit.

Monday, orange.

Tuesday, lavender.

Wednesday, blue.

Thursday, dots.

Friday, yellow.

Saturday, purple.

Sunday is red.

Go into the kitchen to make toast.

Unless Richard "the Fuck Face" is hogging the toaster.

Wendy.

Unless Richard is hogging the toaster.

Go to work.

Turn right onto Page Street.

Turn right onto Buchanan Street.

And when I get to Market Street, stop...

Because I'm not allowed to cross Market Street

under any circumstances.

Wait for the 321 Bus to Stonestown Galleria.

Remember to smile at work, while I say...

Welcome to Cinnabon! Would you like a Cinnabon?

But don't repeat the words too quickly.

And make it sound different each time.

Welcome to Cinnabon. Would you like a Cinnabon?

Welcome to Cinnabon! Would you like a Cinnabon?

Three pm, study.

Yeah, see how his mouth goes down?

- Okay. - Four pm, take Pete for a walk.

When you see the man with the legs,

it means you can walk.

When you see the red hand,

it means that you have to hold up your hand

before you can walk.

Six pm, watch "Star Trek" on TV Land.

The ship is still functioning, Captain.

It is logical to assume

the mutineers are somewhere aboard.

7:00 pm, dinner.

8:00 pm, chores.

And then I have free time before I go to bed.

Beautiful.

I think your sister's gonna be very impressed.

- I think she will be, too. - I would be.

I am.

Okay, now it's time to work on your "Names and Places".

"Names and Places" sucks!

Well, it's not my favorite activity either,

but we need to do it.

Can I watch TV?

Yes.

But first, what do you have to be?

You have to be very...

Calm.

Calm.

Excellent.

Coffee?

Yes, please!

Shit, no milk.

Yeah?

Ah, bless you.

Thanks.

When are you seeing your sister?

Soon.

Mm, that's good.

And now, an important reminder...

For 50 years,

Star Trek has boldly gone where no one has gone before.

So, the call is out and the contest is on.

They want you to send in your script,

highlighting the best of the Star Trek universe.

So, fire up those word processors

because your completed, printed script

must be received by Paramount

no later than February 16th.

So, get your scripts done, it's just one week away.

"He stood there, on the edge of reality...

Only a thin membrane

shielded him from the chaos beyond...

Could he trust Commander Worf or not?

He asked himself.

He feared the worst.

Spock looks up at the star-filled sky,

surveys the barren contours of this alien wasteland...

'Escape is imperative, ' he whispers."

Hey, Wendy.

Hi, Nemo.

- How's your script coming? - It's going excellent.

I just wrote a sub-story

where Spock travels to Deep Space Nine

to recruit Commander Worf for battle.

That sounds awesome.

Uh...

By the way, I...

I made you something.

It's got some really dope tracks on there.

I really hope you enjoy it.

I'm gonna clean the mixer.

So, Richard, we've arranged an interview for you

at the grocery store at the end of the street.

Does that interest you?

Yeah?

Excuse me.

Hello?

- Is this Scotlyn Kyle? - Yeah.

Ms. Kyle, this is Reginald Mayweather

from Balboa High.

Did you get out of bed today?

At all?

Okay.

What's going on with you, Sam?

You ever feel depressed? Angry?

Mom, stop trying to diagnose me.

Well, why aren't you in school?

We had a deal. You go to school, you do well.

That's all I ask.

And you have a math test next week which,

by the way, I just found out about today.

So, young man, you are gonna study right here.

Even my grandmother could answer your stupid questions.

Dude, you might as well be asking her

what the name of the ship is,

how about you find a hard question?

Like in the back of the book.

I got one.

Okay.