Young & Hungry

Caroline, Who's Ready For This High Tea?

I Say "High," You Say "Tea." High...

Don't.

Sorry, I'm Just Kind Of Excited.

This Is My First Time Making A High Tea.

I Mean, For You! I Do This All The Time.

I'm A Professional.

I Hope So, Because This Has To Be Flawless.

If I Don't Lose At Least One Friend Out Of Jealousy,

It Will Be A Complete Failure.

Oh, You're Not Kidding.

Well, Don't Worry.

I Got It All Covered. I Made Three Types Of Scones--

What About For My Friends Who Don't Eat Gluten?

Uh, Champagne Deviled Eggs With Caviar.

And The Ones Who Eat Vegan?

Almond Crusted Baked Eggplant?

And What About The Ones Who Only Eat Raw?

I'm Hoping They Don't Come.

Excuse Me?

Uh, I Said...

At Your Service, Mum.

Oh, Look At This Beautiful Creature.

Oh, Cute Pony.

It's Not A Pony. It's A Thoroughbred Colt

Sired From Two Kentucky Derby Winners.

Wow, I Was Sired From An Ihop Waitress And A Car Mechanic.

Daddy's Trying To Win Him At Auction For Josh.

It's A Family Tradition To Buy The Newly Engaged Man

A Racehorse As A Gift.

Wow, Our Only Family Tradition

Is Avoiding Eye Contact When Grandma

Says Something Racist.

Please Don't Talk About Your Life.

It Makes Me Sad.

Well, It's Not All Sad.

Ooh, I Bought A New Bra, Went Up A Cup Size.

When Does That Ever Happen?

All The Time. It Happened To My Friend Diane.

Though She Went Up Two Cup Sizes.

And She Paid For Hers.

And My Sister, But Of Course She's Pregnant.

Well, I'm Not That.

Oh No!

Go Away.

Oh, Thank God You're Here.

Do You Have The Pregnancy Test? I'm Freaking Out.

Okay, Just Calm Down. You Can't Be Pregnant.

You And Josh Used Protection.

- Right? - Abso-- Maybe.

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!

Shh!

How Could You Not Use Protection?!

I Don't Know.

We Used So Much Champagne I Don't Remember.

Will You Stop Talking?

You Know I Can't Pee When I'm Nervous.

I Have A Shy Bladder.

Well, I Wish You Had A Shy Vagina,

Then We Wouldn't Be In This Mess.

I Heard That.

- Did You Pee On It? - Yeah.

And A Little On My Hand.

Okay, We Got One Minute

Until We Find Out The Results,

Which Gives You One Minute To Freak Out. Go.

How Did This Happen?

I Mean, I Know How It Happened,

But Why Did I Let It Happen?

I Mean, I Finally Got My Dream Job.

And It Was Gonna Lead To My Dream Career.

And I Was Even Gonna Have My Own Cookbook

Called, "Dining With Debt."

Okay, 10 Seconds.

And Now All Of It Could Be Ruined

Because Of One Stupid Drunken Mistake.

I Mean, I Know I'm Being Negative,

But I'm Scared It's Gonna Be Positive.

And Time's Up.

Do You Feel Better?

No.

Okay, Time To See--

Hey, Josh, Hey!

Uh, This Is My Roommate, Sofia.

- Sofia, Josh. - Hey.

- Josh, Sofia. - It's Nice To Meet You.

Sofia's Helping Me, Um,

Uh, Cut The Sandwiches

Into Triangles.

Well, We're Glad You're Here.

We Can Use All The Help We Can Get.

- Yeah. - Gabi Told You

How Important This Day Is To Me?

Yes, She Did.

And It's A Big Day For Everyone.

Look, It's Really Important To Caroline

That I Make A Good Impression On Her Friends.

There's Gonna Be 13 Of Them Here.

And Unlike Her, They Can Be Cold And Judgy.

Well, Just Be Yourself. I'm Sure You'll Be Fine.

That's The Worst Idea Ever.

Look, I May Seem Confident And Successful On The Outside,

But On The Inside, I'm Just A Soft, Nerdy Pile Of Goo.

Let Me Bottom-Line This For You.

I'm So Scared.

What Is That?

It's, Um...

It's A Stirrer.

Boy, You Are Nervous. You Know What You Should Do?

You Should Leave Immediately

And Go Work Off All That Anxiety At The Gym.

I Can't. I Have Too Much To Do.

I've Got To Get My Tailor Suited--

My Suit Tailored!

Oh My God.

I'm Sweating Like A Barn Animal.

Wow.

Now I See Why You Slept With Him.

He Is A Babe!

Sofia, We Have More Important Babes To Worry About.

I Can't Look.

No, You Have To.

I'm Positive...

That This One's Ruined. I Got To Take Another Test.

Socks And Sandals, Gabi?

You Make It Too Easy.

Yeah, Okay.

Gabi!

Insults Are A Two-Way Street.

If You Don't React, There's No Fun In It For Me.

Yolanda, You're Humming.

Elliot, You're Annoying.

See, That's How It Works.

You Only Hum

When You Have Gossip.

What Is It? Spill.

Will You Chill Out?

Maybe I'm Just Happy?

Happy I Got Some Dirt!

Gather 'Round, Sisters.

So I Was Taking Out The Trash, You Know, Like I Do.

And Underneath A Bunch Of Two-Ply Scented Toilet Paper,

That Only Rich People Buy, I Found A Box For A--

Wait For It--

Pregnancy Test.

Now I Only Found The Box,

But I Know Exactly What's Going On.

- You Do? - Damn Right I Do.

Caroline's Pregnant.

Caroline?

No Wonder She's So Moody.

And I Saw Her Almost Eat Ice Cream.

And She Smelled A Piece Of Cake!

I Can't Wait To Tell Josh!

No, You're Not Telling Him. I'm Telling Him.

It's My News.

Hey, No, Nobody's Telling Anyone Anything.

Except Me.

Guys, He's Already

Freaked Out About This Party.

I Mean, Why Would We Add To The Stress?

Plus, We Don't Even Know What The Results Of The Test Are.

I Mean, Caroline Might Not Even Know.

You Know, A Lot Of People Screw Up Their First Test.

She's Got A Point. We Shouldn't Say Anything.

Fine, But It Sure Takes The Fun Out

Of Digging Through The Trash.

Hey, Guys.

You're Gonna Be A Dad!

- Ha! - Damn It!

Wait, Let Me Get This Straight.

You Guys Found A Pregnancy Test Box

With No Test, And You Have No Idea What The Results Are?

It Really Lacks The "Umph" When You Say It Like That.

I Tried To Stop Her From Telling You,

But You Saw What Happened.

I Was Like Indiana Jones

Running From That Boulder.

Look, Guys, I Appreciate Your Concern,

But If Caroline Were Pregnant, She Would Tell Me.

Then It's Settled. Let's Not Talk About This Again.

Caroline,

You're Positively Glowing.

Of Course I Am. I Just Had A Facial.

- A Facial For Two. - Shh.

Josh, Help Me Pick Out Something To Wear.

I Want To Look So Good That All My Friends

Feel Really Bad About Themselves.

She's Gonna Be A Great Mother.

- Yeah, About That, Yolanda. - Hm-Hmm.

Why Did You Say Something?

I Told You Not To Say Anything,

And Then You Just Told Josh Everything!

I Couldn't Let That Gossip Silly Piglet

Steal My Thunder Again.

I Mean, When The Firemen Came

To Cut Out 500-Pound Lou Out Of His Apartment,

Elliot Broke The News.

When Mr. Lowenstein Became Mrs. Lowenstein,

Elliot Broke The News. It's My Turn!