Man with a Plan

- Hey. - Hey.

Look who's back from the flooring expo.

How many free burritos

did you sneak out with this time?

Six.

I'm so happy I'll be sealed

inside this tin can with you all day.

I think I might have just changed our lives.

Turns out the only person who likes free burritos

more than me is Lisa McCaffrey.

The property developer?

I've been trying to get a meeting with her for years.

Well, I chatted her up at the salsa bar,

and then I held her plate while she guac'ed her taco.

Is that your way of telling me

I'm gonna get a call from her lawyer?

No, I broke the ice.

And I got us a chance to bid on their new development.

Five houses.

Are you serious?

Don, we've never done a job that big before.

That could mean a lot of money coming in.

We could buy more equipment, hire more crew.

I think we've got a real shot at this.

I gave her the full Don Burns.

Her hair was blowing back like a girl in a music video.

Okay, so

when we sit down with Lisa,

I'll hit her with our glowing references,

run her through the numbers.

Then I turn on the charm,

- and, boom, close with a joke. - Okay.

You gonna do the one about the one-legged ballerina

names Eileen?

No. McCaffrey's Irish.

I'm gonna go with the Pope stuck in the phone booth.

Ah.

She'll enjoy the social commentary.

Okay, then you hand out our floating key chains,

and try not to give 'em the one

with your car keys attached this time.

And then, boom, we-we're done.

Hey, how's the pitch coming?

Looking good, yeah. We're all done.

- We're gonna watch the game. - Oh, hey, um,

how would you feel about inviting Lowell

to come watch with you tonight?

- Lowell? - Mm-hmm.

Here?

On purpose?

I see enough of him at school.

And he was in rare form yesterday

at “Bring Your Dad to School” day.

So, as a contractor, I get to use

a lot of really cool tools,

like, uh, this thermal laser,

which can tell me the temperature of anything.

Mrs. Rodriguez is...

ice-cold, as usual.

Okay, now Emme is gonna hand out free

floating key chains to all of you.

Thank you, Mr. Burns, for giving the kids things

they will throw at me later.

- Lowell, you're up. - Thanks, Mrs. Rodriguez.

My name is Lowell,

and I am a stay-at-home dad,

which means 40 hours a week,

I am entirely alone.

And that's how I discovered my talent

for eating toast into the shapes of states.

Well, that's why I think you should invite him.

I saw him at the grocery store today,

and he was obviously lonely.

He's just not the kind of guy that Don and I hang out with.

Well, I mean, is that such a bad thing?

I mean, Don, you know, I love you,

but when you two are together, half your sentences end with,

"That's what she said."

Even when there's no way that's what she could have said.

Honey, could you just try to keep your fingers out of it.

That's what she said.

Yeah, well, I already told Lowell he could come over.

He'll be here in ten minutes.

What? So basically you just

set me up on a playdate?

That is not how men make friends.

I am expanding your horizons.

I do it for myself, too,

which is why tomorrow I am going for drinks

with Alicia Rodriguez.

Wow, I can't believe you're doing that to yourself.

That's what she said.

I am a woman. I know what she said.

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

Thanks so much for having me.

When Andi said you wanted me to come watch the game,

I was super jazzed.

Well, the jazz is mutual.

But here's the thing, Lowell.

Once the Penguins game starts, we don't talk much.

Oh, I never talk during Pens games... bad luck.

Gotta unpack these snacks

before the puck drops.

First up, seven-layer dip.

Spoiler alert, the bottom layer is Doritos.

What did you just say?

He said Dorito dip. That's dip with Doritos

in it that you can dip into with more Doritos?

You invented this?

I've been waiting for you my whole life.

How's it going, fellas?

No talking. The game's starting.

Sorry.

I've been waiting for you my whole life.

Here's an intermission treat.

Fresh popcorn with Junior Mints

already mixed in.

Shut up!

Hey, Don, I just got an e-mail

from Lisa McCaffrey's people.

They want to know our tech needs for the presentation.

A bucket of water for the key chain would help.

They could see it float.

Okay, that's an idea.

But I don't think that's what they meant

by "tech" needs.

They just want to know if your PowerPoint

is on your laptop, or if you're gonna integrate

with their monitors.

Do you need HDMI, VGA,

or are you going straight composite?

H-G-D... what?

It's pretty technical.

I only know about it because I used to work in marketing

before we had kids, and I lost

a very high-stakes arm wrestle to my wife.

- Y-you were in marketing? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, hey, would you mind if we ran our presentation by you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What? I'm our marketing guy.

Let Little Debbie here take care of the snacks.

Yeah, but Little Debbie sounds like he knows what he's doing.

Okay, I like that we have nicknames,

but maybe we could try something like "Champ" or "Scout."

I don't want to go in there and look like amateurs.

Well, I'm just saying, I don't think we need all that stuff.

Well, I'm just saying this is a whole new ball game.

Lowell, back me up with some of your nerd words there.

Come on, Scout, speak up.

Well, I loved that. Thank you.

Um, generally, when these big companies hear pitches,

they're expecting a multimedia presentation.

Animation, 3D models.

And I'd be happy to help if you want.

- That sounds great. - No, thanks.

Why are you getting your back up?

Because I got the meeting, and I'll close the deal.

It's what I've done since we started.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

this dip has upset my stomach,

and I would like to be at home.

Well, if it made you sick, why are you taking it with you?

So later, when I feel better,

I can eat it again and make sure that's what it was.

Hey.

How'd it go tonight with Lowell?

Uh, he was fine. Don was the problem.

Did he eat too many snacks

and have to take his pants off again?

No, no, no, no.

Lowell offered to help us make a more high-tech pitch,

and Don got all bent out of shape.

His fly was down,

but I think it was just a coincidence.

Well, it's not a surprise.

I mean, Don is not a huge fan of knowledge.

Remember how mad he got when we gave him

- that word-of-the-day calendar? - Yeah.

Yeah, he's got this theory

that his brain is like his stomach.

Every new thing he takes in

pushes an old thing out.

I've got to make room in Don's brain

for Lowell's ideas.

Well...

I'm just excited that you got along with Lowell.

Did you tell him how much fun you had hanging out with him?

Men don't do stuff like that.

It's from Lowell.

"I had so much fun hanging out with you."

Smiley face, shooting star, hockey puck.

You have to e-mail him back. Something thoughtful.

Will you stop trying to make me do

weird things with other men?

That's what she said.

Come on, that was solid.

But I should write Lowell back.

He is offering to help me.

Uh, well, you do it.

I'm bad at these.