Marry Me

Good morning, Division of Children

and Family Services, can I help you?

Hey.

This is it, right? I think this is it.

You're meeting him where? Kinsey's, where we had our third date.

I got food poisoning there, barfed for days.

Oh, thank you for sharing.

He's gonna ask you. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

He's gonna ask me. He's gonna ask.

You been with him for how long? Two years.

But he's never mentioned it.

Of course he's mentioned it, we have plans.

He's gonna establish himself, then I'm gonna

go back to art school. We're gonna get a loft

with his-and-her studio spaces. Ha-ha-ha.

But nobody said marriage. Okay, back off, broken dreams.

It's true. He might be asking me to move in.

Say no. Say no.

Isn't that progress? It's the death knell.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

He's already getting the milk, Kim.

But he's not living with the cow. Ugh, I hate that saying.

I know, honey, but it's kind of a law of the universe.

You can't move in

because if you move in with him, then he'll never ask you to marry him.

And seven years will go by...

Seven years. Silent tears at anniversary dinners,

and then one day, out of the blue, he'll meet a Pilates instructor

who makes him feel alive again.

Let's just see how it goes.

What did he say again? He wants to talk

about something special. He's gonna ask you.

[LATlN JAZZ MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]

Hi.

Hi.

Wow.

Wow, look at you.

Yup, Veuve Clicquot on ice,

and whether you remember or not, this is--

- Our table, of course I remember. Yes.

You're not supposed to remember that stuff.

Well, you always said I'm not a normal man.

I meant that in a good way. Yeah.

Okay, you know What?

I know I should probably wait until after we're done with the meal, but

I'm not a normal man, so here goes.

Okay, wait, let me take a sip.

Okay, do I look all right? You're beautiful.

Okay, I'm ready.

I got it.

I got the grant.

What grant?

The frog grant. Rae, I got the government grant

to travel the world taking pictures of frogs. Frogs of the world.

Oh.

Aren't you excited for me?

You know I've been working at this my whole life.

To take pictures of frogs.

Frogs of the whole world.

And how long will that take?

I-- l-- I don't know, a year?

You don't seem happy.

It's just...

- I thought it was something else. What?

Wait, What did you think?

Well, I didn't think frogs.

I don't care. You care.

I don't. I have a great life, I love my job.

You get a new job? Just because it stresses me out

doesn't mean I don't love it.

You wanna go to school.

I think I wanted to be an artist because Adam was one.

You majored in art. And social work.

As a fallback position. You are in the fallback position.

I really love my job, okay?

I have great friends. You met new friends?

I know people from yoga. Oh. Angry vegetarians.

I have my family. They drive you crazy.

Is this you being supportive?

No. I just can't listen to you say how you're over Adam

and you don't care if you get married. It's not true.

Nobody means that. Except for men, they mean it.

But Women, We never do.

I'm just saying, I don't need a man to make me complete.

Listen, you're only saying that because you read somewhere

that if you give up, you'll meet a man, but that is not true.

The way you meet a man is you don't stop trying.

Get back out there.

Why would I take advice from you? Why wouldn't you?

Your boyfriend's married. Don't make this about me.

Point is, nobody has a marriage that I'm envious of

so I don't think it matters. Oh. It matters.

Ask Vera Wang. Ask gay people. It matters.

Well, then, maybe I'm just not the marrying kind.

You want the fairy tale. I don't.

Yes, you do.

You want Richard Gere climbing up the fire escape.

I'd have to be a hooker for that. - You want the 1930s.

You want some guy who comes in wearing a tuxedo

to waltz you around the room. Is that What happened in the '30s?

If you wait for the fairy tale, nothing happens because it's not real.

Then What's real? - What's real is...

You know what? You make a list of everything you want

and then you start shopping for it.

You create an emotional budget

and you compromise where you have to,

but you don't go to the checkout until you have at least 80 percent

of everything on that list. I don't even grocery shop like that.

You're still hung up on Adam. I'm not hung up on him.

It's not easy to move on from someone who is handsome

and had a great body, had an exciting career.

Honey, he chose frogs over you.

I broke up with him. Because he chose frogs over you.

- Stop saying that. I'm fixing you up.

No. I know a guy.

No, you don't. I don't wanna talk about it, Candace, I mean it.

We're two college-educated women up to our necks in real-life scenarios.

We help indigent children. We know the welfare system.

I've read Freakanomics and Malcolm Gladwell.

I read Camus in the original French. Really?

A few chapters.

I understand civil rights and fiber optics and the stimulus package.

We're not gonna talk about this. Okay.

Okay? Okay.

He did have kind of a perfect body, though.

What?

Okay, I hate to be a stuck record on this,

but We do not expense meals around here, people.

I don't care if you're Working late. This is a government institution.

We subsidize people in need, not people with cravings for Subway.

Why do you look at me When you say that?

I'm not, Kim. Why do you take everything personally?

I don't know. Maybe because I'm so sensitive.

Moving on.

- Rae. Yes?

I see you have a busy day.

Imogene Hicks needs another placement.

No, I found a good home for her.

The Cranes want her out. Picking fights with the other kids.

Hardaways said they'd take her, only till Monday.

If you can't find a spot,

I'm gonna kick it to detention where she belongs.

I'll handle it. You know my policy:

Do not waste time on the hopeless cases.

Immy is not hopeless. One more chance.

I'll take care of it. Okay, that's it.

Hey, don't forget to sign up for the softball potluck.

We still need desserts.

Ladies.

Mm. You should definitely go for that.

He's barely out of college. Plus, he wears the hat.

He's part of that whole hat-rock movement.

What? I'm not saying marry him.

The whole younger guy thing, they're just looking for Mommy.

No, they're bored With girls their age. They adore strong Women.

They're like gum on your shoe, you can't lose them.

Nice image. - Okay, Why don't you just go ahead

- and get the two dozen cats now? Goodbye.

And join a book club.

They were crazy and they had it in for me.

All the families have it in for you. Yeah, but this woman had OCD.

You know What it's like cleaning the bathroom for someone With OCD?

It's not a chore, it's a career.

I'm on your side, and I'm telling you,

if you can't make it work, my boss is gonna send you to court

and they're gonna send you to detention.

Do you want that? No.

Then make it work with the next family, okay?

You probably come from some perfect croquet-playing family.

Actually, I was adopted.

You Were in the system? - For eight months.

I don't remember anything because my strange

but Wonderful family came and got me, and I'm grateful.

Mm-hm.

Why can't I come stay with you? We've been through this.

I'm your social worker, not your parent.

I'm not licensed to take care of you.

Why Would they have to know? I slot right in. You don't have a life.

Who told you that? You did.

Well, I'm gonna get one. Old maid.

Get in the car, delinquent.

Well, that is just the silliest thing I ever heard.

I know it sounds crazy, but when everybody's thinking crazy,

you have to too.

But to sign him up for nursery school before he even has a name--

He has a name, Mother. Llewellyn Rufus Rumson has a name.

You're not kidding with that. Well, we haven't entirely decided yet.

Yes, we have. Okay.

It's a girl's name.

How many times do I have to tell you? It's Welsh.

It's a man name in Wales.

We're in America, and it's a fat girl's name.

Not open for discussion.

Our son is named. Swan, do something.

I'm doing something. I'm checking my stock.

I mean about your daughter, what she's about to name our grandson.

Trudy, don't give your baby a name that's gonna upset your mother.