Doctor Who

Every year, every New Year's Eve, Jeff,

you promise me that you'll work,

and then you play me for the fool that I clearly am,

and then just at the last minute, when you know,

YOU KNOW I have plans, you leave me high and dry, on my own,

on New Year's Eve working in a business that you know I hate,

but not as much I hate you, Jeff, and I do hate you.

I wish I'd never employed you.

So, yeah, can you call me back when you get a chance? Thank you.

Oh! No! PHONE PINGS

Stop it! Go AWAY!

Oh, erm, hiya, Nick.

Happy nearly New Year, Sarah.

Here we are again. Yeah, yeah.

Here we are again.

No Jeff?

No. Astonishingly, no. No Jeff.

It's become a little bit of a tradition now. Oh, my God!

PHONE PINGS Sorry, are you busy on your phone?

Sorry, no, just my phone's broken, the button,

and I can't put it on silent. And so obviously everyone's sending me

messages and texts and pictures from their night,

and unsurprisingly I don't really want to see them.

Much better being here!

You know, instead of all of those parties and people and drinks.

Yeah, I mean, it's not though, is it?

I'm not really one for New Years. Yeah. No, I know that, yes.

So, you want to access your unit? Yes.

PHONE CONTINUES TO PING

Yeah. So... Can you remind me of

the list of things that can't be stored?

Yes.

Stolen or illegal goods, tyres,

animals, humans, dead or alive in any cases,

cash, plant, food, cars, guns or ammunition,

or any material that is in any way toxic,

hazardous or radioactive, and a shop.

I promise you I don't have a shop. Very good. Here's the keys.

And when you say hazardous...

When I say hazardous? Well, I suppose I'd ask myself,

"If I set fire to this item, will it have potentially explosive or

"devastating consequences?"

So, this...

..would be OK?

Well, that's a board game. Yes.

Is it a toxic, hazardous or radioactive board game?

There's loads of paper in there. There's your keys.

I hear loads of storage places have access codes now.

Yes, Nick, they do.

They also have the money to upgrade their systems,

whereas I have no money, just a dilapidated building,

my rival straight across the road, and you as my only customer.

As valued a customer as you are, Nick.

Platinum loyalty card member, that's me.

I'll be off to my unit.

Yeah.

PHONE PINGS

Won't be long.

See you next year.

Have you been practising that?

Yes.

Ready? Ready! Ready!

When I set this going, the TARDIS will go into self-reset,

which should, if I've got this right, which I'm sure I have,

clear out all the Flux debris,

minimise the number of doors, and be back to fully functioning.

But it'll be out of service for a little bit.

How long is a little bit?

I'm not sure, but that's why we're landing on the sentient beaches of

San Munrohvar. We'll be playing chess with the fish,

drinking mocktails with the lobsters.

Once I throw the last lever,

we'll have seven seconds to get out.

We don't want to be in here when it's resetting because, well...

..we'd die.

Here we go!

Go, go! Go, go, go!

Where's the beach?

TARDIS CRACKLES AND HUMS

That's supposed to be like that, is it?

Not sure. Never had to do this before.

Are you sure we're in San Munrohvar?

Uh...

Cos it doesn't look very beachy to me.

Ah, Manchester.

What? Of all the places!

Sorry. New Year's Eve 2021. Nine minutes to midnight.

TARDIS will be sorted soon. Come on, there'll be a party on somewhere.

Temporal disturbance, two floors above.

Because of the TARDIS?

Don't think so, cloaked signal.

We should check. Come on.

Mancs. New Year, Mancs. Doesn't she understand?

Erm...

Sarah?

WARPING SOUND

Identify!

I'm Nick.

PHONE RINGS

Mammy, it's four minutes to midnight.

Every year. Why are you calling me now?

The lines will all be busy at midnight.

No, they won't, because it's not 1973.

Are you still at work?

New Year's Eve is the best time to meet a man.

I'm not trying to meet... I met your father on New Year's Eve.

You did not. January 9th, same thing.

It's literally not the same thing, Mammy. Anyway,

who says I even want to meet a man?

And the only reason I'm working tonight is

because I had to keep on stupid Jeff at the stupid place that

I inherited from your stupid uncle,

obviously no offence, God rest his soul.

Your uncle Barry was a saint.

Listen, Mam, I have to go, I've got a customer.

So, yeah, just call me at the bongs, will you?

The lines will all be busy. No, they won't.

I don't like calling on the...

PHONE PINGS

Go away with your stupid having fun.

Stupid party, stupid drink, stupid everyone pairing up.

Just die, everyone!

Oh, no.

Dalek. Multiple weapon blasts.

Was that the time disruption? What's a Dalek?

The deadliest killing machine in the universe.

ELEVATOR PINGS

You all done, Nick?

I am not Nick.

This area is now under Dalek control.

What's going on? Exterminate!

Dalek!

You'll answer for that.

Daleks answer to no-one.

Daleks answer to me.

Why are you killing these people?

Shouldn't we just go? I'm using my sonic

to jam its weapon systems.

Sonic device will not override my weapons.

Yes, it does. Cos I've used it before.

Correct.

Daleks learn.

EXTERMINATE!

Not like this.

But that's a board game. Yes.

You OK? Yeah, are you OK?

I'm not sure.

I feel like I've just had this... Here are your keys, by the way.

Most places have... Access codes, yes, I know.

No need to go on about it.

Sorry, sorry. I'm just a bit spaced out at the moment.

I've been working too hard...

I'll go to my unit.

Yes. You will.

You will...

PHONE PINGS

Oh, my God.

See you next year.

Oh, have you been practising that?

Where's the beach?

Whoa.

CRACKLING AND HUMMING

Has anyone else got proper deja vu?

Yeah.

Didn't we just get exterminated?

Lad by the storage unit!

Wait, did I...?

Exterminate!

Sarah.

Exterminate!

No, no, no. No, no, no.

What the...?

Oh! God!

I'm going to need a weapon. A weapon.

Jeff!

He's not here. He should be here.

We've gone back in time, Dalek incoming,

two people in this building, about to die unless we stop it.

So, why isn't he here?

Argh!

Sarah!

Ah!

Fifth floor, OK. Go! Do not move.

You're real. Correct. EXTERMINATE!

Jeff. "Temporary storage, you said it was OK."

Honestly, I said one unit!

Honestly, give that man an inch and he takes a corridor.

What?

No animals, alive or dead.

Oh, my God. holiday goods!

They're probably stolen.

Jeff. Food!

Gross.

I just need something I can use as a weapon!

PHONE RINGS

Mam, now is really not a good moment!

The lines will all be busy at midnight.

No. They won't, Mammy.

Are you still at work?

New Year's Eve is the best time to meet a man.