Cyclops

You said this was a shortcut. If we'd kept to the road,

- we'd be in Sentinum already. - (growls)

We're lost!

No, we're not. Just follow me.

Look at that.

There must be some hunters out here.

Man: I don't see anyone around.

How about roast hare for supper?

I say we take the lot.

That sheepskin will fetch a good price in Sentinum.

(heavy footsteps, creature snarling)

- (creature snorts) - (bleating)

- (creature grunts, roars) - Man: What's that?

Aw, it's just an animal.

Oh...

- (roars) - It's a cyclops!

Let it go, Titus! Let him have it.

By your look, Senators, I see bad news travels fast.

An alarming loss, Caesar.

I think we should forbid transit through the territory pending an investigation.

That's not good enough, Casca. The cyclops declared war on Rome

- by murdering our citizens. - My nephew's right.

The only decision left to make, Senators, is...

whom do we send after this monster?

If Livius, our recently deceased and much missed leader of the Senate,

were here today, I know what he would advise.

He'd say, "Send the best and bravest young officer.

Send my son Marcus."

Good idea, Casca. Tell Marcus to assemble his troops right away.

- I'll bring him the message myself. - Good.

Marcus, I thought I'd find you here.

Marcus!

By the order of the Emperor Tiberius, you are to set out at once

to subdue a cyclops that ambushed and killed two of our merchants.

But of course, Falco.

And would you like me to take care

of that petrifying witch Medusa on my way back?

This is not a joke, Marcus.

There's a cyclops out there. It killed two of our merchants

and ate them. We know this from the one man that survived...

- Menander. - (chokes)

Menander?

You could take anything he says with a pinch of salt.

The cyclops is a story told by drunkards and beggars.

Those beasts were exterminated long ago

when Augustus himself wiped out the last of them.

And even if one cyclops did still exist,

he's hardly a threat to Rome.

That's not your decision to make, is it?

I suggest you muster your men at once.

Apparently they'll have to carry you up the road.

The only way they'll ever have to carry me

is triumphant into Rome.

Tell the Emperor Tiberius

I salute him and obey.

I don't think I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance.

I am Falco Maximilius.

- Flavia Corona. - I'm delighted to meet you, Flavia.

I've heard that you were the star of the evening at Cato's Saturnalia.

You know, I'm planning an evening of my own.

A symposium...

just like Plato's...

with the most distinguished philosophers. And just one woman

is invited to join us in discourse on the art of love.

Would you be interested in joining us, Flavia?

Of course.

Severus, fetch Tarquin while I round up the others.

Sorry, Marcus, Tarquin paid me to take a couple months' leave.

He paid you? If he wants leave, he's supposed to pay me!

I was going to pass it on to you, but after a few drinks...

I just...

- Here's your money. - But I don't want the money.

I want the man, so find him!

And tell him to report to duty at once.

Yes, sir.

Halt!

Menander wasn't lying after all. The cyclops ate them.

The one thing Menander wasn't lying about.

He claimed the cyclops ambushed them while they were looking for a shortcut.

I think he saw them trying to steal his food.

There's some sheep too. They probably tried to grab them.

Severus: He could be lurking around here anywhere.

- Send scouts? - No!

We flush him out.

Ho!

- Put the cloaks over your armor. - Yes, sir.

Charge!

Adjust your aim!

Fire!

Pull it tightly!

No!

I didn't order you to kill him.

But your orders were to subdue him, sir.

That's right, so I'm going to bring this beast back to Rome in chains.

Let everyone see that Marcus Romulus has subdued the cyclops.

Tarquin, get the chains.

Marcus: Severus!

No!

Aim your spears at his eye now!

Shackle and blindfold him.

To Rome!

Falco: I have a little problem to tell you about.

Saragosa is complaining that he ordered

two lions and two tigers for the games.

- Mm-hmm. - But the cyclops attacked the caravan

bringing them from Carthage. Supposedly he tore the animals apart

- and ate them. - What a beast!

- What's this? - The price of the animals.

Saragosa expects me to pay for them?

They were killed on a Roman road.

Let's eat.

Who are you? Who sent you?

He's Julia's son, Uncle. Julia... your herbalist.

I know who Julia is.

Don't ever creep up on me like that.

Didn't your mother ever tell you?

No?

If I don't trust a yes-man,

what do you think I feel about a man who answers both yes and no

to the same question?

Very shrewd, Uncle. I'll have him flogged and sent away.

So someone else can turn him against me? No, Falco.

He's so stupid, he could be dangerous.

He may be stupid, Uncle, but he's also Julia's son,

and she's been a good and faithful servant.

Hmm.

What about his father?

We can't be certain who he was, can we?

Exactly.

So...

You're adding on to your new villa?

Just a small addition.

Nothing extravagant, given the times we're living in.

Of course.

Have that slave boy arrested for assaulting me

and then sell him to your overseer.

Girl, more wine.

Begone.

Oh, wait.

Wait wait.

Come.

Ah. It's about time he showed up.

Get rid of the girl.

Make sure she doesn't steal anything.

Cletus!

You are six months behind schedule

and 20,000 denarii over budget.

Give me one reason why I shouldn't have you beaten

and crucified in the middle of the Forum for everyone to see.

A thousand pardons, Vizier. With our armies fighting the Huns

good slaves are hard to come by. I will double my efforts.

Everyone, including Tiberius himself,

knows about my renovations because of your sloth.

Be quick before I lose my patience.

You clumsy old fool.

And that's for wasting the time of two men.

Cletus.

Don't be a fool.

You'll only get a public execution.

Back to work.

Barbara, bring me a hot one.

Hey, you, farmer boy!

Come on, burn it.

Julian.

Boy, get on with it!

Now work him.

We all have to answer to the name "boy" here,

but you are Julian,

and I am Gordian.

Put this on.

I don't see Marcus. Do you, my dear?

If he'd succeeded in subduing the cyclops,

he'd be leading his troops in triumph.

Guard!

Go warn the emperor it's bad news.

Marcus Romulus has failed.

Go!

Boy, stop the guard from telling the emperor that Marcus has failed