Sanditon

HE GRUNTS

Show some mercy, it is rudely early!

I told you he'd still be here.

Oh, for shame. Look at the state of him, Babbers.

A wretched sight indeed.

Is that not what Miss Heywood said when she ran into you by the cove?

HE LAUGHS I should never have told you.

If you hadn't forced that fifth bottle...

Well, never mind that now, old friend.

You need to have a shave,

get some devilled kidneys down you. We're leaving.

Good morning, Charlotte.

Oh. Good morning. Did you enjoy your walk yesterday?

I didn't hear you come in. Yes. Er...

No, I, erm...

I went down to the beach to gather shells and...

time ran away with me.

Anything impressive catch your eye?

Shell-wise.

Oh, er...

No, I came back empty-handed.

How disappointing.

I told you explicitly that we had to go back to London.

Dammit, Sidney.

Did my words mean nothing to you? I cannot force them to stay, Tom.

How am I to fill these empty houses, Sidney?

I confess, I am relying...

Charlotte? There it is!

Miss Heywood. Always popping up when least expected.

I'll leave you to it, gentlemen.

Mm-hm.

SIDNEY SIGHS

Look, the fact of the matter is,

there is simply not enough to tempt them here.

They need more...

They need more entertainment. Sidney...

I'm sorry, Tom.

I'm sorry.

But we leave this morning.

I'm sorry Mr Parker was unable to join us.

Tom used to have all the time in the world for the children.

I'm sure he will again.

Once things have settled down a bit.

And when will that be, I wonder?

Once the terrace is finished? Once every last house is let?

Sometimes I fear he'll just keep adding and obsessing

until one day he drops down dead

with the plans still clutched in his hand.

I wish there were more I could do to help.

I'm afraid my husband, like most men,

is reluctant to accept help from anyone.

At least you must never let him catch you in the act.

Hello, Jenny.

MARY CHUCKLES

Wickens, I will need our coach and my hat right away.

Where are you going? You shall see soon enough, my dear.

How long will you be gone? As long as it takes.

But if it succeeds,

I think I may have just hit upon the perfect means

to draw people to Sanditon.

Come, Wickens.

And the Lord God said,

"It is not good that man should be alone.

"I will make him an help meet."

And who was that help meet? Eve, Mr Hankins.

Eve. Very good, Miss Beaufort.

The mother of us all.

But who else was there?

The serpent.

He tempted Eve, didn't he?

He tempted her to do something she was forbidden to do.

And she couldn't resist, could she?

Ah, young women, sadly,

often find it very hard to resist temptation.

And what's so bad about eating an apple?

Well, because this apple was a special apple

from the Tree of Knowledge,

and God had forbidden Adam and Eve to eat the apples from that tree.

Why?

Well, because he is God.

And we do not question God. Do we, Mrs Griffiths?

Certainly not, Mr Hankins.

Erm, perhaps it is time for you to show us your work, ladies.

Ah.

And...?

GASPS AND GIGGLING

I thought the sea was a bit dreary, so I used my imagination.

Just... Just turn away, girls.

Turn away until Mr Hankins has removed this obscenity. Please!

Mr Hankins!

Er... yes.

Of course. Your guardian will be hearing about this, Georgiana!

Oh, Mr Stringer.

Morning, miss. I've come to see Mr Parker.

You've just missed him, I'm afraid.

I cannot even tell you when he'll be back.

Or indeed where he's gone.

Aye. Sounds like him.

Might I be able to help?

Thank you, miss, but I really need to speak with Mr Parker himself.

I'll try again later.

Well?

Apparently my ward grows more feral by the hour.

You'll have to go ahead without me. I'll get the coach tomorrow.

For God's sake, man.

It's as bad as having a bastard.

But slightly less fun to come by, I should think.

HE CHUCKLES

One more try.

Here comes your wealthy admirer.

Not wealthy enough to make him bearable.

What's wrong with him? Nothing.

It's just...

only one man in the world holds any interest of that kind for me.

Unfortunately.

Sir Edward. Lord Babington.

Miss Denham.

I'll leave you together.

I came to say I'm leaving Sanditon today.

I shall try to bear your absence with equanimity.

Ha.

May I be permitted to write to you?

If you wish to waste your time.

Then I shall.

Babington, why do you persist

when you are treated with so little civility?

Perhaps it's the fascination of what's difficult.

All I know is the more I see you...

..and the more nonchalantly you reject my advances...

..the more intense my desire for you grows.

Well spoken.

But to no avail.

No joy there, Babbers? Mm.

You might as well howl at the moon.

"Wilful, rude and obstreperous."

What do you have to say for yourself?

Just that this place is driving me to distraction.

It's like a prison... Do you really think I enjoy this, Georgiana?

I have many demands on my time and I would rather be free of this one,

but like it or not, I am your guardian until you turn 21.

And seeing as that's still two years away...

STOMACH GRUMBLES

Is something ailing you?

Yes, something is ailing me. You are.

Georgiana?

Visitor. Another one.

Mrs Griffiths!

I need a word.

Miss Heywood. It seems I cannot escape you.

I was just leaving.

He thinks you're a bad influence, you know.

As if there could be any greater incentive

for us to be friends.

What is your opinion of him?

Er... I...

..hardly know what to think of Mr Parker.

I've never met anyone quite so...

..confounding.

I called at Trafalgar House three times yesterday

to be told they had no idea of your whereabouts.

I was beginning to think you'd jumped ship.

Gracious, no, my lady, quite the opposite.

I have returned from my mission with the most exciting news.

I'm breathless with anticipation.

I have secured the services...

of one of the finest physicians in the country.

Oh, not that again!

He is a specialist in hydropathy.

We are a spa town, ma'am. If we are to attract visitors...

They have the sea!

The air!

The milk from my asses.

I would beg that you save your opinion

until you have at least met Dr Fuchs.

I do not need to meet a person to form an opinion.

Often a name is more than enough.

And I do not care for the name "Fuchs" one bit.

My lady...

The doctor has agreed to demonstrate his latest medical innovations.

Allow him an hour of your time

and I promise that he will assuage every last doubt you possess.

What if, in spite of his demonstration,

Lady Denham still doesn't approve?

Ah, but Dr Fuchs is no ordinary physician.

I have heard her speak of physicians in the most disparaging terms.

When she sees him in action,

she'll undergo nothing short of a Damascene conversion.

Herr Parker. Dr Fuchs.

Welcome.

Sea air, most refreshing.

Fraulein.

And who is this delightful creature?

Doctor, may I present my wife?

It is my honour to make your acquaintance.

Dr Maximilian Fuchs at your service.

Shall we go in?

Mr Parker.

Oh.

I thought to find... The ubiquitous Miss Heywood.

Can't I even read the news in peace?