Big Top Evil

The Oxford American Dictionary

defines "dark" as the absence of light,

gloomy, cheerless.

That's why I despise the night and loathe sleep.

But no matter how cold and dark my cell is,

I know it can protect me from my living nightmare.

When the cold case lawyer came into my life,

a tiny sliver of light entered.

But being locked up made me afraid to hope.

I was as stiff as a board talking to her.

Hi.

I'm your new lawyer, Karen Haley.

I don't know if you've heard of me,

but I've done pretty well with cold cases.

So let's get to work.

In your own words, tell me exactly what happened.

I'll tell you, but you're not gonna believe me.

Try me.

It's like a bad B horror movie.

That's why my attorney wouldn't use it in my trial.

That's okay. Don't worry about what I think.

Just tell me the events as clearly as you can.

We were on this trip to see

where they made The Mangrove Slasher,

which is some dumb movie we all watched.

They say it really happened.

Personally, I don't believe in that stuff.

Who were we?

It was my five friends and Veronica's cousin.

- Is Casey Veronica's cousin? - Yeah.

And who were your other friends?

Veronica,

Scott,

Donny,

Kate,

Trevor, and me.

Hey, Kate.

Yeah, babe.

Jay's sleeping pretty sound in back right now.

So?

So I'm feeling pretty warm and fuzzy, what do you think?

I'm not gonna climb on top of you.

I'm not asking you to climb on top of me.

You can use those talented hands of yours, come on.

Okay.

But you have to promise to be quiet.

Shh. All right, let's do it.

So, uh, guys, I met this Egyptian chick the other night.

Yeah, we were gonna get it on,

but she was on her pyramid.

So I did her mummy instead.

- Get it, babe? Mummy.

Mummy instead? Mummy. Ooh.

No.

We all know you're not gonna make it as a comedian.

Why do you always have to say things like that to me?

Like what, Scott?

You're always trying to bring me down.

You know I'm so passionate about my comedy!

You know, babe. I would never fuck a comedian.

But a businessman,

I would do dirty, dirty things to him.

Hey...

I think Kate's giving Trevor a hand job.

No, no, I, I think she's really giving him a hand job.

Yeah, do that. Yeah. Yeah.

He's gonna hear you.

He's not hearing anything.

Look, he has a smile on his face.

Ah, dude!

Wait, I think they're both getting hand jobs!

What do you think, Casey?

No.

Aah! Watch where you throw your cigarettes.

Burnt the tip of my dick, you dick.

Oh, shit. It stings.

Oh, my God, it looks like a red Popsicle.

Turn that thing off, Donny!

Hey, hey, you wanna try?

Okay, okay.

Great Scott!

That was a DeLorean.

Wonder how fast it was going.

Hey, do you think the car's all right parked back there?

It said tow away zone.

Dude, look around.

There's no one here for miles. I think we're all right.

How the hell did you find out

about this place anyways?

That wasn't me, dude.

That was all Donny. You know how he works.

Figures, man.

Sounds pretty cool.

Where's Veronica?

She stayed in the car.

She's putting on more makeup.

And she hates nature,

and I quote, "hates old settler homes."

Of course.

Where's the bathroom? Uh...

I'll help you find it.

Yeah?

Good luck with that one, you guys.

Why are you so quiet back there, Jay?

'Cause his pussy hurts.

Don't be so harsh.

Dude, I heard you, man.

Well, seriously, man.

You're bringing the whole group down.

Will you please lighten up a little bit?

So, what's up with Jay?

What do you mean?

Well, does he, like,

you know, have a...

A girlfriend? It's okay, you can ask.

Yeah.

Uh, no.

But it's funny that you mention that.

Dude, seriously?

How am I supposed to forget about her in three weeks?

Plus, we used to go on all this shit, man.

We used to go on nature hikes and all this, man.

So, what happened?

Well, um, as you can see,

all of us guys, we're really tight.

Oh, that's so gay.

Yeah. We're like a hot boy band.

Well, we were, at least.

Until our backstabbing friend Steve

decided to, you know, sleep with Jay's girlfriend

and broke up our entire group, essentially.

Scumbag Steve.

He's a fucking asshole, man.

That's where her mind's at, though.

You gotta realize that.

Are you interested?

Maybe.

Ah, I'm making water.

This is awesome!

Ew.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ooh, oh.

What the fuck do you think you're doing, boy?

I'm gonna blow your goddamned head off.

What was that?

What the hell was that?

It sounded like Donny screaming. Come on, come on.

- Shit. - Donny!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Dude. God.

Whoa, welcome to the party, people.

Damn city folks, think you can come terrorize my village?

Actually, a village is a group of houses

and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet...

Donny, cut it out, dude.

...and smaller than a town in a rural area.

- Are you wisecracking me, boy? No, no, no, no.

I don't wanna die.

You don't wanna do this, man.

Oh, yes, I do.

After I off this little pipsqueak,

well, I might just off the rest of you.

I'll get you, too, don't you worry.

Just take it easy, man.

Ha!

I knew I had y'all. I should be on the damn TV.

That wasn't funny.

Yeah, man. You could have killed someone.

- What, this old thing? Yeah.

Ah, this thing hasn't shot in years.

Don't get your panties all up in a wad.

You really had me going. Can I go back to my friends now?

- Here, have some jerky. - Oh, thanks.

Big old fake gun trick.

Yeah, real good. A little too good.

Yeah, you got me.

Well, I'm glad somebody appreciates a good scare.

What do you besides scare the shit out of people here?

Yeah.

I don't know. Not much. It ain't like it used to be.

Believe it or not, this place used to be

the main attraction off the main road.

Till they built that goddamn highway.

Where you guys heading, anyway?

We're actually headed to, um, Mangrove County