The Mick

What'd you do, nephew?

Mickey, I didn't do it.

They think I stole Miss Crandall's Golden Apple.

But I didn't. No one believes me.

It's unfair!

Oh! Are you kidding me, Gibbons?

This guy rather be a stripper 'cause I refuse to believe

you called the cops on a seven-year-old.

He's not a stripper...

It's a separate matter.

Is that a real gun?

It better be or I'm in trouble.

Cool. Can I play with it?

No, you may not, but if it's okay with your mom,

I'll let you turn the lights on in my cruiser.

Can I, Mickey?

Sure, if you don't mind getting bacon grease on your fingers.

- I don't mind. - Okay.

Come on. Hurry up.

Thank you for coming.

- The reason we called you... - Oh, yeah.

Ben, Ben brought me up to speed.

You're having a full-blown meltdown over missing fruit.

- Well, not exactly. - Let me save you the trouble.

- He didn't do it. - Unfortunately,

one of Ben's classmates claims that she saw him take it.

Even if he did take it, who cares?

Miss Crandall cares.

The Golden Apple is a teaching award

- given annually to the... -

Very mature.

: Look, Gibbons, I got a Granny Smith

rolling around in the back of my car; she can have that.

Ms. Molng, I...

I have a thousand other students at this school,

one of whom was just arrested

with a backpack full of illegal contraband.

And yet, here we sit discussing inedible apples.

The point being, ever since you showed up,

far too much of my bandwidth

has been taken up with your family.

Oh, I see.

This was never about Ben, was it?

This is about you and me.

- This is about you. - And me.

Look, either get your house in order,

or perhaps the Pembertons

should continue their education elsewhere.

Consider it a warning.

Warning considered.

Oh.

: Hi, Mickey.

Got something for you.

Pop that in your mouth.

We'll be back in a couple hours to turn you over.

- I'm sorry? - You should be.

Your principal's a real knob, you know that?

Hey. Pay attention to me.

His school's crawling with cops

and he's having a panic attack over missing produce.

Cops? What cops?

Some kid got caught with a bag of dope or something.

They nabbed McCormick. Boo-yah!

Suck on that, you frickin' pusher.

Why are you so excited?

- 'Cause I ratted him out. - You what?

He was throwing a rager for the formal after-party.

He had Molly, booze, fireworks, the whole shebang.

So you ruined the party?

- Uh-huh. - God, you are such a coward.

Eh, doesn't bother me, but with McCormick out of the way,

that crown is as good as mine.

- What crown? - Formal prince, you know.

It's like prom king, but for junior high.

I've been picking off all the other nominees one by one.

: I put eye drops in Aaron Sustata's milk,

so he'd crap himself during assembly.

And then I started a rumor that Tim Deegan

had his ribs removed so he could swallow himself.

You know, Madison Prescott, she's obviously

- a shoo-in for princess. - Obviously.

And once that crown is mine,

she'll be trapped with me all night.

- Don't say trapped. - Call it what you want.

Point is, she won't be able to escape.

Oh, my God.

- -

Do you ever knock?!

Oh, Sabrina.

What are you doing?

Get out of my room.

Is this about that dance?

I thought you were better than that.

- Get out. - No.

Look, if you want to learn how to dance,

I-I think I have someone who can teach you.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Jimmy. - Oh, screw you.

His mom was a choreographer for the Ice Capades.

- Yeah, right. I don't believe you. - All right.

Believe whatever you want.

I'm gonna go.

Just real quick, before I do,

can you please do that again?

- Get out! - Oh!

Many of the Gis passed the time away

from the battlefield smoking opium

and visiting local prostitutes.

I hope you put a bag on it, you dirty old man.

Mickey.

We got a problem. I was doing Ben's laundry...

Well, hold on a second. You still do laundry?

Look at this.

- I can't believe Ben lied to me. - Mm, believe it.

- He's never lied to me before. - That you know of.

- I mean, why would he do that? - 'Cause he doesn't respect you.

There's got to be some explanation.

Mm. There is. He thinks you're an idiot.

Stop that.

He-He probably just got scared.

Right? That's what kids do.

They think all grown-ups are narcs.

Whoa. I ain't no narc.

We just got to do that

proverbial bump of cocaine with him.

What, you got coke?

No. Proverbial coke.

Well, what does that mean, like primo?

Primo? What?

Y-You're confusing me.

I'm getting all crossed up.

Just follow my lead.

Hey.

You busy?

What can I do for you, Sabrina?

Mickey said that you're some sort

of dance expert or something?

Ah, she did, did she?

That's nice of her.

Anyway, there's this dumb school dance and I was just

wondering if maybe you could,

like, teach me or something.

First, tell me why.

I just told you why.

I need to learn how to dance.

Let's talk facts.

Fact: You're Sabrina Pemberton,

arguably the coolest girl in Lockwood history.

You going to this dance flies

in the face of everything you stand for.

So I'll ask you one more time, Sabrina...

Why?

Fine.

Do you have any idea what it's like to be me?

To be beautiful and smart and popular?

Well, as a matter of fact...

You do not.

People take one look at me

and they think they know exactly who I am.

Well, screw that.

I want to do something that nobody sees coming.

So I am going to that dance.

And I'm taking the power back.

What the hell is this?

10:00 a.m. tomorrow,

and not a minute late.

Patience, my sweet Madison.

- Soon we'll be togeth... - Heads up!

Ow!

Uh, crud, did I get ya?

Yeah, you did, Farble.

Where's your frickin' spatial awareness?

Dude, I called "heads up."

What were you gawking at, anyway?

Nothing. I was just...

What the hell is going on over there?

You didn't hear? Elliott Saputo

broke his neck wakeboarding.

He may never walk again.

Dang.

That's a frickin' tragedy.

Everyone's rallying to get him elected formal prince.

You know, give him the sympathy vote, lift his spirits.

No, no, no, no, they can't do that.

Nominations closed a week ago.

He can't even frickin' dance.

Actually, my dad's an Army medic,

so he sees this kind of stuff all the time...

Yes, I know, Farble. I was at assembly

when he FaceTimed the school from Iraq.

Then, as you know,

the mental obstacle is the toughest one to overcome.

A positive support system can go a long way.

Yeah? How's this for support?

- -

Oh, my God! Help!

- Somebody help him! Chip.

Hello?

Farble, I'm gonna...

I got to...