Younger

Okay, he isn't answering my texts.

He probably just needs time to process.

I always meant to tell him over dinner,

at, like, a really nice restaurant,

but after a couple glasses of wine,

not tripping my face off at Lauren's Hot Mitzvah.

I love this music.

What music?

There is no music.

Are you still rolling?

A little bit. Aren't you?

No, nothing gets you sober quicker

then telling your boyfriend

you've been lying about your age by 15 years.

I love this street!

You are useless to me right now.

Taxi!

- Where we going? - You're going home.

Oh.

I'm gonna go find Josh.

- Okay. - Get home safe.

Ciao.

Can I sit down?

You do whatever you want, obviously.

Josh, when we first met at the bar that night,

you kind of assumed that we were about the same age.

Yeah.

It was fun, and I was flattered,

and so I went with it.

I didn't know we were ever gonna see each other again.

And then when we did,

I became so attracted to you.

You made me feel like everything was possible again.

And then the stronger my feelings became for you,

the harder it became for me to tell you the truth.

So what exactly is the truth?

It's... it's that you're a 40-year-old woman

who is pretending to the world that she's 26?

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

That's some crazy shit.

Why would you do that?

At first, I was just lying about my age to get a job.

See, after my divorce...

Divorce?

Yeah, we'll get to that.

I had been out of work for almost 15 years,

raising my daughter.

Oh, my God.

And you have a daughter.

Caitlin.

Where is she?

Away at school, in college, in India.

I mean, you're kind of a lunatic, aren't you?

I was trying to get back into publishing,

but no one would hire a 40-year-old

who had been out of work all that time.

I couldn't accept that I would

never be able to work again

doing something that I loved.

So I lied about my age.

I mean, I guess it didn't hurt

that you had a younger boyfriend

to make everything seem real, right?

No, my feelings for you have always been completely real.

In fact, I've never felt more like the real me

than I have spending these last few months with you.

Nothing was real

if it was all based in a lie.

None of it.

Josh, I'm still me.

I'm just a little bit older than you thought.

It's not the age. It's not.

It's the lie.

I mean, I can't... I can't get past the fact

that you've been lying to me this entire time.

Okay.

You're right.

All right, look, it'll break my heart,

but I totally understand

if you never want to see me again.

That's good.

Because I don't ever want to see you again.

Have a nice, fraudulent life.

Liza!

I've been texting you all weekend.

What happened?

You and Josh just left the party.

Well, after Lauren spiked the Manischewitz with Molly,

things got a little crazy.

Like, "get a room" crazy?

Yeah, yeah.

I'll spare you the details.

- Come on, we're gonna be late. - Good morning.

I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend,

because we have a very big mountain to climb.

What I'm about to tell you cannot leave this room.

Ellen DeGeneres has written another memoir.

Oh, my God, it's gonna be huge.

The gays and the housewives are going to love this.

Bring in the Jews,

and we'll have a three quadrant book.

There is going to be an auction

among all of the major publishing houses.

Ellen has spoken to her agent,

and he's going to let Empirical make the first bid.

That is wonderful.

I want all departments on this.

Of course.

I do not want to lose this book.

And you won't.

_

_

Stop texting.

I'm late for lunch.

Make sure you confirm my 1:00 reservation

at the The Monkey Bar, table 5.

Already done.

Have you been crying?

No.

There's no crying in publishing.

Definitely not crying.

Pull up the marketing budget for the last Tina Fey book.

We'll have to double those numbers

to get Ellen's attention.

Well, Tina may be a bossypants,

but Ellen's a smartypants.

Just get the Uber.

Hey.

Hey.

So Josh and I didn't leave the party to have sex.

We broke up last night.

Oh, my God, what happened?

You know, just the usual stuff.

When it came down to it, we just weren't a good match.

I'm confused.

How do you just break up?

We just did.

It's just over,

and I wanted to tell you

so that we don't have to talk about it anymore, okay?

I'm so sorry.

Me too.

Are you sure you don't want to tell me what happened?

I can't.

It hurts too much.

But I still love him.

I think I always will.

Of course.

Come here.

Crap, it's Diana.

- Hello? - Liza.

I'm at Monkey Bar,

and I left my wallet on my desk.

Okay.

Well, I need you to bring it to me.

I'm in Midtown with no money.

Okay, okay.

I'll be right there. I'm on my way.

I got to go.

Thank God.

Go buy yourself a shawarma.

Do I know you from somewhere?

No, I don't think so.

You look very familiar.

Well, unless you're slumming it in Bed-Stuy,

I seriously doubt you know my assistant.

Wait.

Were you ever a waitress at Serafina?

The one on Madison.

Oh, no, but I do have waitress face,

so I get that a lot.

It was nice meeting you.

Oh, my God.

I am so sorry.

Just go!

I am so sorry.

So am I.

I just had the closest call.

What happened?

I ran into this woman I worked with 14 years ago

when I was at Random House.

She was having lunch with Diana,

and she almost recognized me.

Oh, how'd she look?

- I got to go. - Okay, ciao.

Oh, we have to have a chat.

Now.

So we've got a little problem on our hands.

We do?

Cheryl Sussman doesn't think

her $2,000 sweater is dry cleanable.

Oh.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'll pay for it.

Of course.

Don't be ridiculous.

We'll expense it.

Besides, Cheryl deserves it.

The only reason she wanted to have lunch

was to pump me for information on our Ellen book deal.