The Prisoner of Zenda

Passengers will please to descend.

- Papers! - Flowers.

- Passengers will please to descend. - Papers from all parts of Europe!

- This way for passport examination, please. - Paper, mister?

- This way for passport examination. - Special rates for the coronation.

Special high rates.

"Rudolf Rassendyll, British subject.

Purpose of visit, pleasure."

- What hotel in Strelsau, Mr. Rassendyll? - I hadn't thought about it.

You better think about it, if you don't wanna sleep in the park.

In that case, I won't go to Strelsau until after the coronation.

I've come to your country for a rest...

...with the intention of going fishing for trout.

I beg your pardon, have I said anything I shouldn't?

I know my clothes are a little conservative...

...but we English always dress as if we're going to a funeral when on a holiday.

Everything is quite in order.

Thank you for making me feel so much at home.

- I'll take these. Thanks. - But your train's going.

I'm going to Strelsau on foot in my own good time.

- But you'll miss the coronation, sir. - I make a point of missing coronations.

I hope your trout take as much interest in me as you do.

I shan't be able to land them fast enough.

It's a trick of the devil.

Shave him, and he'd be the king.

May I ask your name, sir?

Well, since you've taken the first step in the acquaintance, gentlemen...

...perhaps you'd give me a lead in the matter of names.

Well, certainly. This is Colonel Zapt, and I am called Fritz von Tarlenheim.

We are both in the service of His Majesty the king.

I'm Rudolf Rassendyll. I'm here on holiday from England.

I was recently in the service of Her Majesty the queen.

- Rassendyll? - How do you do.

- How do you do. - Rassendyll.

Of course. By heaven, your face betrays you, sir.

- You know his history, I believe. - Well, I had heard a rumor or two.

I was hoping that our skeleton was safe at home in our family cupboard.

Some skeletons are prodigious travelers, sir.

- Fritz, where are you? - Here, Your Majesty.

Confound it, I thought you'd lost yourselves again.

- Who is this gentleman? - A distant relative of yours, Your Majesty.

Distant? He seems too close for comfort.

That is something for which you cannot entirely blame me.

Oh, then who shall I blame?

With Your Majesty's permission, I would suggest the blame lies equally...

...between your great-great-great-grandfather Rudolf...

...and my great-great-great-grandmother Amelia.

- I beg your pardon. - He's right, Your Majesty.

- The man is a Rassendyll from England. - Rassendyll? England?

Yes, Your Majesty. Ever since Amelia's time...

...the Elphberg face has cropped out on one of us every now and then.

Well met, cousin!

Forgive me if I seemed a little slow...

...but it's a bit early in the day to see double, even for me. Eh, Zapt?

- What are you doing here, cousin? - I must admit to being guilty...

...of the same offense as our mutual ancestor, Your Majesty.

- And what was that? - Fishing in forbidden waters.

That's very funny. That's funny. The man has wit.

You must come to my coronation tomorrow.

I'd give a thousand crowns for the sight of brother Michael's face...

...when he sees the pair of us.

You shall stay at my hunting lodge. Tonight, we shall dine you royally.

Our ancestors laid down some good wine here in the lodge, cousin. Fritz.

They little thought that a bottle or two was laid down for you.

All in the family. All in the family.

- Cousin Rudolf, I propose a toast. - Hear, hear.

Another toast.

A toast to...

- Have we anybody left? - Your brother, Michael, perhaps?

We drink to Michael in vinegar, my friend, not in good wine.

I'll tell you a secret about my brother Michael.

- My brother Michael does not love me. - No?

No. But he loves my shoes.

He feels that he should be in my shoes, and I should be in his.

No. No toast for Michael.

We'll drink instead to Cousin Flavia.

Soon to be my bride and queen.

Hear, hear.

Poor Flavia. See never had a chance to choose anybody else.

Well, for that matter, neither did I.

It's a pity you can't meet the princess.

At least I'm told it's a pity. I haven't seen her for years.

She and I didn't get on very well then. Still let's hope we shall now.

I sincerely hope so, Your Majesty, if you're going to marry her.

They tell me she's far too good for me. I can well believe it.

You know what they say about me, don't you? I drink too much.

I imagine you're well able to take care of yourself on that score, Your Majesty.

Oh, I've done my fair share of drinking in my day. I'd be the last to deny it.

But tomorrow...

...in the cathedral...

...when my people place the crown upon my head and proclaim me their king...

...I shall be their king for the rest of my life.

But tonight...

Tonight, I drink with my friends.

With my friend.

You know, Rassendyll, I like you.

You're a good fellow.

Oh, you're English, but you're a good fellow.

I wanna drink a toast to you.

Confound it, where's all the wine gone to? Josef! Josef!

A bottle of the '68. Josef!

Your Majesty, it is my duty to remind you once more of tomorrow.

- What, again? - Yes, again.

Well, then, you've reminded me. Sit down, have a drink.

- You have a duty, Your Majesty. - Duty, duty. On my last night of freedom?

I question your freedom to drink yourself into a condition...

...in which you'll not be fit to be crowned.

I question your right to address me in that manner.

- I served your father in... - I question your right to mention my father.

Your father honored his obligations to the crown.

Are you suggesting that I do not?

Your father never thought of himself, or of his own pleasure.

Your father never forgot he was a king.

By your leave, Your Majesty.

Zapt? Zapt?

What are you doing here?

The 1868, Your Majesty. You sent for it.

Oh, did I?

- Josef. - Yes, Your Majesty?

I've had too much to drink.

- You'd better take it back. - Yes, Your Majesty.

No, wait, wait, we have a guest.

Excellent fellow, Josef. English.

Excellent fellow, Josef, but he can't drink.

I can drink. I'm the king.

You better go to bed, Josef.

- Good night, Your Majesty. - Good night.

Sleep well.

Everybody, sleep well.

Everybody sleeps but the king.

Zapt.

Zapt!

- I don't think much of your joke, sir! - You think it's a joke, do you?

This is no joke, Englishman.

That was quite an evening, wasn't it?

- What happened? - Josef found him lying here this morning.

You didn't drink any of this last bottle?

- Not that I know of, no. - I think you'd know if you had.

- Why? Was it drugged? - It was.

- Have you sent for a doctor? - There's none within 10 miles.

A thousand doctors wouldn't take him to Strelsau. I know the look of it.

He'll not stir for six or seven hours.

But how? Why? Who?

Who else but Michael?

- Michael? His own brother? - His half brother.

Michael's mother wasn't exactly acceptable in court circles.

He wants the crown to be offered to him by the people.

He wants to pose as their savior from the excesses of an incompetent king.

If he's not crowned today, he'll never be crowned.

Englishman, I am much older than you.

As a man grows old, he comes to believe in fate.

Fate sent you here.

- Fate sends you now to Strelsau. - What?

I'd wager without your moustache, you could deceive your own brother.

- Oh, you're out of your mind. - It's a risk, yes...

...against a certainty.

My dear colonel, I came here on a fishing trip. I like to fish.

I'm an ordinary Englishman.

I couldn't begin to act like a king, even if I tried. I wouldn't deceive anybody.

What are you smiling at?

It conjures up quite a picture, doesn't it?

The cathedral crowded to the doors...

...the organ booming, I kneel to be crowned.

Then your friend Michael steps forward and shouts:

"That isn't the king. That's an Englishman named Rudolf Rassendyll!"

Oh, no, I'm sorry, gentlemen.

Then Michael sits on the throne tonight, and the king lies in prison or his grave.

After all, it... It would only be for today, wouldn't it?

By tonight, you'll be safely across the border.

And if I fail, what then?

Your life, and mine, and Fritz's here.

Confound it, I'd become awfully fond of this moustache.

Well, I hope the crown's a better fit.

- Well, what are we going to do? - We've got to hide him.

We can't chance Michael's men finding him here.

- The cellar's best. Pick him up. - If they search...

- Josef will put them off. - But...

We're not playing. I know the risk.

If they do find him, he'll be no worse off than if he's not crowned in Strelsau today.

Pick him up.

- I beg your pardon, sir. - One moment.

- How long have you been caretaker here? - Ten years.

- Have you the key to the wine cellar? - Yes, sir.

Open it.

No. No, no.

Drink it.

Drink it!

Tie her up. Better gag her too.

On the night before your coronation, you had to have wine.

Wine, and more wine.

Remarkable vintage, that '68.

Lock the door.

Sleep well, Your Majesty.

We go to see you crowned.

By heaven, we'll do it yet.

It's not bad. It's not bad at all.

I'll never keep that in.

Look here, you've overlooked one thing.

Yesterday's temples won't do for today's king.

- You're right. What can we do? - Well...