Who's the Boss?

- Sure you've got everything, honey? - I'm sure, Daddy.

Goodbyes are tough, huh? I thought I noticed a tear in a cockroach's eyes.

I still say you're making a big mistake, Tony.

How could you leave New York?

The Triborough Bridge.

Look, Mrs. Rossini, you've gotta admit this neighborhood's falling apart.

Look at Samantha. When she starts coming home with black eyes...

it's time for me to get out.

Hey, that's because there were three of those guys, Dad.

And anyway, I got one guy sneezing out of his ear.

How you gonna support yourself, huh?

Oh, hey, Mrs. Rossini, I've got a great job at a great place.

It's all green with picket fences.

But you always said you loved New York.

Yeah, but I love my daughter a lot more.

Mrs. Rossini, take care of yourself, okay?

- You too, Tony. - Bye-bye.

But I'm telling you, you're gonna miss the heartbeat of the city.

The excitement, the culture.

Hey, shut up down there! I'm trying to sleep!

Go sit on your hard hat.

Is somebody getting that?

No!

Jonathan, will you please see who's at the door?

All right, I'll see.

- Who is it, sweetheart? - Oh, just some guy.

Well, what does he want?

How should I know? He was just standing out there.

You mean you didn't even ask?

No. You just said to see who's at the door. You didn't say open it.

Jonathan, I'm warning you. Joan Crawford is my idol.

- Morning. - May I help you?

If you're Angela Bower, I'm here to help you.

- I beg your pardon? - I'm Tony Micelli. Here about the job.

Oh, I'm sorry. There must be a mistake. This job is for a housekeeper.

That's me, Mr. Goodmop.

Well, my mother's screening everyone. Did you meet her?

Yeah, yesterday. She gave me the once-over...

kicked me in the tires, put me up on a rack.

She should have checked under your hood because you're the wrong sex.

She said that wouldn't be any problem.

My mother didn't think World War ll was a problem.

Oh, that must be Jonathan. Cute kid.

Yes, he is.

- You must be Jonathan. - That's right. How'd you know?

Your grandmother told me. You're king of the reptiles?

- That's me! - Hey!

I'm in a rush. I've gotta get Jonathan to school and catch a train.

- Well, I could take him. - No, no...

Jonathan, I told you to take the snake out.

Not today, you didn't.

- Must you be so literal? - Yes.

Jonathan, I don't know what to do with you.

Jonathan, why don't you hustle your little buddy upstairs?

What's the big deal?

Well, the big deal is it's a showdown between your snake and your mother.

Remember, the snake doesn't pay your allowance.

Good point.

Well, sorry, Wilbur, but money talks, and you don't.

Thank you. Where were we? Oh, yes.

You were at the door, I was about to close it.

Wait. Wait a minute. I gave up my apartment.

Your mother said I had this job except for a small formality.

- What formality? - You saying yes.

No.

Can we talk?

Well...

- Do you have any references? - No.

- Do you have any experience? - None.

How many jobs have you had as a housekeeper?

One, if I get this.

Mr. Micelli, here you are.

And right on time.

What a reliable person.

So how are things going with you two?

In the direction of the door.

The door?

Angela, what is the problem?

The problem is, Mother, you sent me a man for a housekeeper.

Don't be sexist. A man can do meaningless, unproductive work...

just as well as a woman.

Mother, mother, the housekeeper's room is very close to mine.

Oh, hey, don't worry about me.

I keep a can of mace by my bed.

He's got a sense of humour.

A regular Henny Youngman.

What a zany guy.

Nevertheless, it doesn't look or feel right for a man to be living here alone.

But he's not alone.

- Didn't you tell her about Samantha? - You're married?

Oh, no, no. Sam's my daughter.

You're gonna love her. She's in the truck. I'll go get her.

No! No, wait!

- Isn't he perfect? - No.

He loves children, Angela, and children love him.

I got that from the director of the Brooklyn Y.

See, my instincts tell me this is the man for my grandson...

and it doesn't hurt that he's a hunk.

Mother...

I'm not looking for a hunk for a housekeeper.

Why not? He'll do floors, he'll lift furniture.

Can I come over when he lifts?

Mother, I don't know anything about this man.

Angela, I checked him out thoroughly and it's a story you won't believe.

- Oh, one of those. - I got it from his parish priest.

See, he's an ex-jock, and he played in the major leagues for a while...

until he got hurt and then they dumped him. Swine.

And it was just about that time that his young wife died.

Mother, don't do this to me.

They were childhood sweethearts, Angela...

and since that time, well, he's been working at odd jobs.

You know, a young widower...

trying to find himself and support his little girl.

You did it to me.

Angela, even the child psychologist said...

that Jonathan has to have a male role model.

And this Tony, is he male or is he male?

I mean, we are talking mucho macho here.

Well, here she is. This is Samantha.

Oh, she got that shiner stealing third in Little League.

Sam, I want you to meet some nice people.

- This is Mona Robinson. - Nice to meet you.

And this is Angela Bower.

Oh, I'm very pleased to meet you, Miss Bower.

You have a lovely home, and you're so pretty.

Oh, thank you. I'm very flattered.

That's the idea.

Oh, and this is the snakekeeper, Jonathan.

Jonathan, this is Sam.

- Hi. - Hi.

They love each other already.

So shall we wrap this thing up?

Gee, I don't know.

Angela, Albert Schweitzer is dead.

This is the next best thing.

Hey, look, all I can say is I really need the job...

and my daughter needs a good place to grow up.

And, I've got a feeling maybe you need us.

It's okay with me, Mom.

There you go. There's the deciding vote.

I guess we could give it a try.

We got ourselves a new pad! All right.

- Hey, do I get my own room? - Yes, you can have the sewing room.

- I'm gonna get our stuff. It's in the van. - I think I'll just go watch him unload.

- Are you afraid of snakes? - Afraid?

I had a boa constrictor when I was a kid.

He'd swallow live mice and once he ate a kid bigger than you.

- Are there any more questions? - Yes.

Is it too late to change my vote?

Yes. Yes.

Grant, thank you again. It was a lovely evening.

You mean you're gonna send a starving man home?

Wouldn't think of it.

I can't believe it. Oh, sorry.

I can't believe it.

You spend $300 on dinner, and you still come away hungry.

I've had it with nouvelle cuisine.

The waiter had more food on his sleeve than I had on my plate.

- What about your cab driver? - Oh, let him get his own meal.

He'll probably do better than we do.

Sit down. I'll see what we have.

If I may say so, Ms. Vice President...

you were absolutely charming with those clients tonight.

You may say so, Mr. President.

Your media plan was only brilliant.

So was the way you pretended you'd seen it before.

- We make a great team. - Yeah.

How about a green salad?

This is potato salad.

It's true, but it is green.

Sorry. Haven't shopped since the last housekeeper quit.

I'd settle for peanut butter and jelly.

Now, that I can handle.

I may not be great in the kitchen, but I make up for it in the boardroom.

I'm not bored.

The Connecticut klutz strikes again.

- Here, let me help. - Sorry.

Don't touch it. You'll cut yourself.

Here, let me get the dustpan.

This is good china.

I know. I care enough to break the very best.

I have a wonderful idea.

We can't. My son's upstairs.

I don't mean upstairs. I mean upstate.

I've got a place. We can go there this weekend.

This weekend? I don't know if my mother can take Jonathan this weekend.

I have a cabinet full of Wedgewood china. We can break it all.

Wedgewood? Oh, Grant...

now you're really getting to me.

Hey, hey, hey! What's going on here?

Tony, no, don't! He's my date!

He's your date? I thought you were getting attacked.

What are you doing rolling around on the floor?

We weren't rolling on the floor. We were picking up a broken plate.

- Both of you? - It was a big plate.

Angela, who is this?

Well, Grant, you're not gonna believe this...

but this is my new housekeeper.

Housekeeper?

Angela, this is the ugliest woman I've ever seen.