Whitstable Pearl

I work for Zelda St John.

The movie star?

Isn't she a recluse?

She's a nightmare.

Er, but her husband, Scott.

He's worse.

He's half her age.

He loves drama. He's like a bullet in Chinatown.

A bull in a China shop.

Oh, I like your one better.

I've been their housekeeper for two years.

Zelda's daughter, Estella.

She's an actress who never works.

She married the gardener, Jed, her third husband.

Now, Jed doesn't work either.

-Oh. -Okay, okay.

They hate me.

They think I'm stealing from Zelda.

So, you want me to clear your name?

Mm-mm. Zelda trusts me.

I, er...

respect her secrets.

I don't, erm...

Oh.

Gossip. I don't speak to newspapers or magazines.

Just private detectives.

Zelda has changed her will.

She's giving some to charity.

Dogs and cats.

How do you know this?

She's leaving the rest to me.

Why you?

Zelda came to this country with nothing.

I remind her of her.

Do her family know?

They're mad.

That's why I'm here.

I went to the police, but they didn't take me seriously.

They just said I should be happy.

Well, yeah, Natalia, you're gonna be rich.

I didn't ask for any of this.

I had a plan.

I wanted to leave this job as soon as I'm finished with college.

What are you studying?

Criminology.

I want to join the police.

Good choice.

Pearl, I...

I'm scared.

I feel like I'm in danger.

And maybe Zelda is too.

If something happens to either of us,

promise me you won't let them get away with it.

# There once was a place With mudlands a' lonely #

# Whey, hey, ho #

# And I'll seek and I'll search And I know that I'll find it #

# Whey, hey, ho #

# I know the wind she blows #

# I know the tides are low #

# But you'll find me At the white post #

# You'll find me At the white post #

Thank you.

Isla.

Yeah, right, erm...

My husband could start a fight in an empty room.

He had a sick sense of humour. He was wild.

He said to tell the truth at the funeral.

I didn't.

Didn't even make a speech.

Now...

Everyone talks about him like he was a saint.

That wasn't him.

Now I...

Take your time.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, I...

-(thuds) -(gasps)

Hey.

Hey.

-Are you all right? -Great. Where have you been?

I just, er... I had some stuff to sort out.

Did you check your phone?

No.

I texted you a house. Er... er, a cottage.

-(Kat) Right by the sea. -(Mike) Oh.

I put an offer in.

-That's a bit quick, innit? -It's gonna go quick.

We can always withdraw it if you don't like it.

But I know you will.

Kat.

It's okay.

Come on we're gonna be late.

Late for what?

Pearl invited us for dinner.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Another night talking shop.

Maybe we should hang out with some of your other mates.

Okay, slow down. So, one of your pupils...

My star pupil.

She had a bottle of vodka in her pencil case?

-Yep. -Wow.

Is that to help her get through your lessons?

-(Tom) Ha, ha. -(chuckles)

-She says it wasn't hers. -Oh, yeah, right.

She's captain of the football team.

-I think somebody set her up. -Oh.

And you're gonna investigate?

Yeah, don't tell DCI Mike.

He might think I'm treading on his toes.

Oh, well, he'd send her down for ten years.

So, come on, I need lots of top tips.

From one amateur sleuth to another...

What do you mean amateur?

Hey! Here they are.

-Hi. -(Pearl) Hi.

Let's go and sit by the window.

Mike.

I wanted to pick your brains.

Do you know Zelda St. John?

Erm...

She was an actress. She was big in the '70s.

She won three Scream Queen awards.

Anyway, her housekeeper came to see me.

There's drama around the will.

What she's not leaving it to her family?

No, she's leaving it to cats and dogs and Natalia,

the aforementioned housekeeper.

-Lucky her. -Mm.

But now she feels at risk.

She says that she might be in danger.

She went to the police but they ignored her.

-Has she got any evidence? -No, just a feeling.

But the family are definitely looking at her different.

Sounds like a paranoid nutter.

No, she didn't seem like a nutter.

I liked her.

She said that she wanted to join the police.

Great, more amateurs playing detective.

What's that supposed to mean?

Not you, I, oh.

Really, that's what it sounded like.

-They arguing already? -(Mike) Listen...

I think it's just their way of saying hi.

What, so we just ignore her?

Well, it doesn't sound like you've got anything concrete to go on.

What if I do nothing, what if she gets hurt?

Trust me, with experience,

you get to know when someone's wasting your time.

Emergency, which service do you require?

Ambulance, please!

-(operator) Are you hurt? -(Scott) No, it's my wife.

-(clamouring) -(suspenseful music)

-(camera shutter clicks) -(indistinct radio chatter)

Oh, you look upset.

Don't tell me you were a fan.

She's the actress that Pearl warned me about.

Ah.

Queen of '70s horror.

Survived attacks from vampires, werewolves, cannibals.

Yeah and now this.

-Yeah. -What you got?

Someone hit her over the head.

-A blunt instrument. -Have we got a weapon?

Any suspects?

Yeah, Colonel Mustard with the candlestick.

Scott found her this morning.

Called the ambulance.

Estella and Jed were in bed.

-The housekeeper... -Natalia.

Yeah.

She's done a runner.

Zelda's still unconscious,

but the medics think she'll be okay.

And when she wakes up, you can get her autograph.

And she can tell us who did it.

Maybe get one for Pearl too.

She's gonna kill me.

Yeah, she is.

Did Zelda tell you that she changed the will?

Mother loves to play games.

Poor Natalia.

She was cleaning toilets and scrubbing floors

while sitting on a lottery ticket she couldn't cash.

It must have been maddening.

You think Natalia attacked your mum?

Mother changed Natalia's life,

and she had the power to change it back again.

It was too much for Natalia to bare so she lashed out.

Case closed.

Did you know Zelda was leaving everything to Natalia?

I don't care about the will.

Zelda St. John is a goddess.

She's the love of my life and I worship her.

Well, can you think of anyone else who'd wanna do this?

Zelda gave Natalia...

a beautiful, transcendent gift.

And this is how she repays her.