Royal Pains

Previously on Royal Pains...

So you and I have a lot in common.

That would surprise me.

What if I could prove it to you?

I don't know how you're gonna PR...

honestly, for the last few days

you've seemed unusually giddy.

I've met someone.

That's great!

Do you have a wife and child in Argentina?

I do have a child.

With an ex-girlfriend, not a wife.

If I were to mention my son immediately

to every woman I slept with...

So that's what I am.

Just... one of those.

No.

Or should I say...

That's what I was.

- Where's Boris? - We tried to get in the door.

It appears to have been locked from the inside!

Dr. Lawson!

Royal Pains 4x15-16 - Off-Season Greetings Original air date December 16, 2012

Thank you.

Whoo! Is the temperature dropping?

Yes. But no snow in the forecast.

It's only a week away,

and Evan specifically ordered a white wedding.

Aah. Well, don't argue with the Groomzilla.

I don't.

And thanks for letting me be your escort on the day.

It's no fun being solo at these things.

Mm.

I meant that for me, not for you.

No worries.

Yes. My heart was broken. But it's been three months.

I'm so over... what was his name again?

I forget. Rufus? Loofah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow. Look at that.

I don't see anything.

Exactly. It is lunchtime, and there's no line at l'Homard.

Ah. I love the Hamptons in winter.

I'll even have room for my tux in the coat check.

You know, I'm impressed you even own a tux.

I bought it for a wedding. Unfortunately it was mine.

Right. I always forget there was a you before you were you.

- Yeah. I forget that me too. - Evan is a lucky groom-to-be.

Yeah, Paige is amazing.

Yes, but I meant to have you as a best man and a brother.

You have really been there for him.

He and I have gotten better at that.

It hasn't always been that way.

No, no. Nick, you got the chimney on the wrong side.

He's Santa, right? He's done this a million times.

He knows what he's doing.

- Hey, Ken. - Hey, Hank, thanks for coming.

- Yeah. - My girlfriend is a mess.

- Let's take a look. - Come on.

So you pretty much celebrate everything, huh?

Yeah, I don't want to offend any of the clients.

Or the gods.

For Pete's sake, Nick, put the chimney over there

or turn Santa around, will ya?

I hate this time of year. Can we maybe...

- Yeah. - Thank you.

Good.

So how did you two meet? It was so romantic.

Yeah, I went down to Florida,

and she's a Hawaiian tropic girl.

Um, that's the whole story?

What do you want, Wuthering Heights?

Okay. So, um, Barbie.

Aside from the fatigue and mood swings, anything else?

Overeating.

Ow. Oversleeping.

Oh, I'm having the hardest time putting together my, um...

- Outfits? - Thoughts.

Yeah, that may not be a symptom.

Right. So, um, Barbie, do you usually spend the winters

in Florida?

Uh-huh. In fact, I've never been in weather this cold

in my life.

Huh. People who are used to sunnier climates

can be impacted by cold, dark weather to the point

that they get something called seasonal affective disorder.

Does that mean I have to go home?

Well, full sunlight is the best medicine,

but there's another option.

A light box you can use each morning

to make up for lost sunlight.

Oh. So maybe you'll be feeling all better

by the time I get back from Evan's bachelor party.

I loved that joke invitation by the way.

What joke invitation?

The one that said four grown men were going to

dinner at Tao and Spider-man on Broadway.

That's not a joke. Evan didn't want a party.

Since Paige came into his life, he's outgrown certain behavior.

Of course he said he didn't want a party.

It's called plausible deniability.

What?

As best man, your job isn't to give him

what he says he wants, it's to give him what he needs.

Booze and booty.

Honestly, I think Evan might not

want to be tempted to revert to...

No, Ken's right. Men have to get certain things

out of their system or they go crazy.

Plus bachelor parties are fun.

Sure! Look, we'll keep it small.

Cancel the dinner, sell the tickets to some eight-year-olds.

The killer's taking over.

Did something just

fall past your window?

- Hey, Nick! - Hey, is he okay?

Hey, bud. I'm just gonna take a look, okay?

Okay. Okay.

It looks like you've broken some ribs.

I'm just gonna have a listen.

Call 911.

Your trachea's deviated and your lung's collapsed.

What do we do?

He needs a chest tube to remove the trapped air,

but he's a big guy.

I don't have the right size angiocath.

Yeah. Uh, yeah, I need an ambulance

at 1620 Old Town Road.

Yes. Right away.

Thank you.

Okay. This should work.

Okay... there.

Making the incision.

This should help you breathe better.

This will create an underwater seal.

Okay. Good.

Okay, the lung's re-inflated. That's good, right?

But his heart rate's not speeding up.

- Grab me those lights. - What for?

Build an external pacemaker.

- With these? - Right now it's all we've got.

We don't regulate the current, these 110 volts

will do more harm than his bradycardia.

- We? - Yeah. We.

Grab the plug, find the outlet and wait for my go-ahead, okay?

All right. This completes the circuit.

You're gonna feel some jolts.

Go ahead.

Okay. Increasing the current.

Is it working?

Okay. His pulse is back to 60.

Merry Christmas, Nick.

Merry Christmas, Nick.

You're gonna be okay.

Evan, I can't believe you.

All right, so just so you know,

I switched around the color palette just a little bit

to match the colors of the church.

- Just so you know. - This is my color palette?

Yeah, it's your... you drew up the blueprint.

Oh.

I just made your dream come true.

My dream at 12. Wow.

Which explains the mixed snowflake and butterfly motifs.

Yeah, well I had to be accurate.

All right, you ready?

Yeah.

And here you are coming down the aisle...

- Oh! - At all saints,

just like your mother and your grandmother did.

I put you in Kate Middleton's gown as a stand-in.

I hope you don't mind. Hey, where's the...

- Rabbi? Bam! - Perfect.

Both our families' traditions will be honored.

Whoo!

- Hey! - Hello!

- Hey, there. - Welcome home, bride-to-be!

- Thank you. - How were finals?

- Aced them. - Of course you did.

Just like Evan aced our wedding plans.

Yeah, I think he used a weird cut-out for my face.

I just wish there were more guests

on the Lawson side of the aisle.

- Owen's still coming, right? - Who's Owen?

His mom was our mom's cousin, but they lived in Wisconsin,

so we're distant in all ways.

You are marrying into a tiny but elite clan.

Yes. Minus the elite part.

I just hope you wouldn't have preferred a smaller wedding.

No, I love showing off. Are you kidding?

Especially for those big donors the general invited.

What's up?

Shadow Pond. I'm being summoned.

Please come in.

- He's expecting you. - Thank you.

Dr. Lawson.

Florian Hostetler. I don't know if you remember me.

We met the day you were released from hospital.

Yes. I remember you.

- You are Boris's lawyer. - One of them.