Spy

Hold that.

Must make you feel inadequate. Don't know what you mean.

Look how he craves the attention of a real father figure.

That's why Philip's so amazing for him.

I don't want to talk about Philip. Gotcha.

How's it hanging, blood? Painfully.

Who's that? That is Sam McCloud's dad Tony.

He's a detective sergeant in the Met.

I've had the school inspectors on my back.

Apparently you can see "more discipline in a Romanian brothel",

which I think is rather rude.

Which part of Romania exactly? Galati is a charming city.

Wow. Fascinating! Just getting back to him.

Oh. Yep, right. Well, I asked Tony to come and talk to the kids.

You know, instil a bit of order. Really?

Surprised you didn't ask me.

We know little about discipline in the civil service.

You're the best.

Managed to break open the skylight above the warehouse

and out the corner of my eye I saw one of the guys running through...

Wow, that is an excellent story.

It's Tony, isn't it? Yep.

Yeah. I'm Tim. I'm Marcus' dad.

So, the old law enforcement. That's right.

We're pretty much in the same business, you and me.

Please don't. You in the force? Yeah, in a way.

Civil service. OK. Pretty high level.

Must be exciting. Oh, it is.

All that photocopying.

That's a good one.

So what are you guys packing these days?

We don't carry weapons. Oh dear.

Me, I'm a Glock man. What?

9mm auto. Short recoil. One in the chamber, 16 in the mag.

Do you have a licence to carry a firearm, sir?

Sorry, what? The Glock.

Do you have a licence for that?

He doesn't have a gun. Well, which is it?

Do you have a firearm or not?

No. You do know it's an offence to waste police time.

I'm not wasting police time. Do you understand me?

Now apologise to them.

Sorry.

Come on, guys.

We don't like liars.

Thanks!

Oh, come on.

It's one thing to humiliate me in front of my work colleagues,

but quite another to insult one of Her Majesty's police officers.

But he was a bit of an arse. He's a detective sergeant.

What are you? I'm a s... civil servant.

No, you're nothing.

Ouch.

Shut up.

"Identified. Karen Lee."

I swear to you, I thought it was the men's toilet.

Good morning. Hi, how are you?

Good, thanks. You? Yeah, good.

Is this you? No, what is it?

Don't ask.

Now then, you and I need to have a little chat

about what constitutes acceptable behaviour in the workplace.

You wanted to see... Hello?

Sir?

Is that you, Tim? Yes.

Were you hiding? No. No.

No, no, no. Just...

Erm... dropped... Ah!

Here it is. There's nothing there.

Enough of the small talk, Tim.

Senior management have decided

to introduce a new policy of random drug testing in the office.

Fair enough.

If I take that drug test with my blood, it is possible it might fail.

Possible? Possible-slash-certain.

Right. It's the old ganja, I'm afraid.

OK. That something you do regularly?

I didn't ask you in here so you could judge me, Tim.

No, no. It's just cannabis only stays detectable in body for six weeks.

Yep.

I'm going to need your blood. Mm. I'm not gonna give you my blood.

Not even for a promotion? Promotion?

For a few mills of that beautiful clean plasma.

What kind of promotion? What do you want?

Erm... I don't know. Executive position?

Done. Really? Yep.

Really? That's it? I'm an executive?

Congratulations.

This is gonna make Marcus so proud. Of course it will.

Now roll up your sleeve. What? Oh, right.

Remember, Tim, don't let that power go to your head.

Don't worry, sir. I won't change one little bit.

Bit more focus, people.

These exercises are important, yes?

Good.

Very good, very good.

How are you getting on? What?

Listen, I hope things aren't gonna be weird between us.

Why should they be? Well, you know, with the promotion.

Now I have more responsibilities and a bigger desk.

It's not a bigger desk. It's an executive desk.

It's the same desk with a sticker on it.

Yeah. I just wanted to say, I'm still on your side, OK?

I still think of us as equals. We are equals.

Yeah, of course we are. Absolutely we are.

Although officially...

Still equals, absolutely.

Yeah, good talk. Yes, question?

Not so funny now, is it?

So stupid. Why did you snitch on us?

Hold him.

Check and see if he's got any money.

What are you looking at? Get out of here.

You alright, Oliver? Excellent, thank you.

That's right. So go on, get out.

Get his arms.

Look how pathetic he is. Why don't you stop being a crybaby?

I'm afraid I can't do that.

Come on, Marcus. Wait for me outside.

It's a breach of the school code, not mention common law,

to assault a fellow student.

Of course, if you don't stop,

it might leaked out how you and Carl kissed after the school disco.

What? Hey, I'm not judging.

I didn't kiss Carl. I understand. It's society's fault.

But you know how cruel kids can be.

Carl, tell him we didn't kiss.

Carl! Yeah. No, no way did we kiss.

Ugh. That would be...

horrible.

So, gentlemen, what's it to be?

The inspectors were right.

There's absolutely no discipline in this school.

What were you thinking? I was just doing my job.

Your job? Philip, talk to him. I'm gonna call Paula

and inform her how Tim has been letting Marcus run wild.

Yes, my love.

Marcus, you were very brave today.

God knows what might have happened if Mr Harris hadn't turned up.

In future, you'd do exactly the same again, wouldn't you?

I couldn't possibly comment.

I knew it.

Bit risky, though. The kid needed my help.

You are the coolest.

How would you feel about a little assignment?

I'm listening.

What's up, Marcus?

Hey, Marcus. Hi, Marcus.

Thought you might need a drink. I don't drink on duty.

No, of course. Sorry.

Perhaps I could make an exception.

You've got...

You should get back to class. Keep it.

Had your fun, have you? Hello, Paula.

You force your way in? No. Ravished me all night? No, I didn't.

And then leave without even a goodbye?

Goodbye.

No, wait, I'm sorry.

Forgive me, my angel. Stop it.

This ends here, Paula.

You and me did not go rock climbing together in the Algarve.

We did not adopt a rescue cat and named him Roger Fishman.

And we most certainly did not make love on stage

during a Michael Buble concert.

Are you dumping me? No.

Actually, yes. Yes, I am dumping you. Don't say that.

Paula, we've had a good run, but lately... I don't know.

It's like we've been drifting apart. No.

It's not you. It...

Well, it is you, obviously.

But I'm an executive now. I've moved on.

I have responsibilities.

Whereas you, you are mental.

Oh. Oh, so you're too good for me now, is that it?

We'll see about that.

Yep.

Don't listen to him, Roger. He'll come back to us.

Another day, another dollar. Yep.

You got a tough one ahead? Aren't they all?

I hear you. Dealing with the scum.

The idiots. And the weak.

God. I hate the weak.

I hate the weak, too.

Get out of here.

That was really lame.

Seriously, I'm not just saying that.

Really not that complicated, Karen.

Come on, wake up.

And, er, clear the way with less make-up.

It would suit you. Knob. Heard that.

Got the Q3 numbers for you, Tim.

Rubbish! Do 'em again.

Psst. Psst.

Psst. Oh!

There's been a problem with the switcheroo.

What? Keep the faith, Tim.

I literally have no idea what you're talking about.

Could you come with me, please, Tim? Sure.