Big Bully

Uno, dos...

1, 2...

Tres, cuatro...

Hey!

Wooly bully!

Watch it now. Watch it.

Watch it now. It'll get you.

Yeah. That's right.

In this world, there are two kinds of animals...

The hunters and the hunted.

I was always in season.

Watch it now. Watch it. Watch it. Watch it.

Everybody has a bully

lurking somewhere in their past,

a kid whose ambition in life

was to make your waking hours a living nightmare.

My bully's name was Rosco Bigger,

but everybody called him fang.

Hiya, Davy.

Thought you were pretty funny this morning, didn't you?

W-What do you mean?

The spelling bee.

Miss Fitzsimmons let you pick the words,

and you gave me U.S.S.R.,

and everybody laughed when I got it wrong.

Hey, I make the same mistake myself.

Is it two S's or one?

Grr!

You're upset. I can see that,

but delay my beating until Thursday.

I've got class pictures tomorrow.

My mom will kill me if I'm scuffed up again.

Say "cheese."

Cheese.

I grew up in Hastings, Minnesota,

a small river town on the Mississippi.

My friends were more than just buddies.

We were a band of victims

who watched each other's back.

Ulf was an odd kid,

primarily concerned with explosions

and setting things on fire.

Cool.

Gerry's father owned a butcher shop on main street.

To his family, vegetarian was a four-letter word.

Hey, guys, how's it going?

One day in class,

Gerry was asked how many different food groups there were.

His answer was two...

Meat and everything else.

Alan was the only black kid that we'd ever seen.

But any racial differences were soon dismissed

when he proved he could shove his whole fist into his mouth.

It was something even Gerry couldn't do-

Hey, Davy, look who's coming.

Victoria was by far the most beautiful girl in the school.

She may have been 10,

but she was built like a 12-year-old.

Hi, Victoria. Hi, Victoria.

Hi, boys.

Wow. Wow.

Did you see that?

See what?

The way she was looking at you.

Yeah. She wants it.

Wants what?

Hey, did you hear?

Hear what?

The moon rock's coming.

What?

Here?

Yep. Next week.

They're sending guards and stuff.

If you try and touch it...

Bang! They'll shoot you on sight.

Aw, bullshit.

Whoa.

Death rock by David Leary.

Chapter 1.

Everyone in town had come to see the rock

till there was only one old man left.

The old man limped up to the moon rock

'cause he had a cane or something.

He reached out to touch the rock when...

Freeze! Freeze! Freeze!

"Don't touch that moon rock."

"But the old man was deaf or something."

I'm deaf or something.

And so he reached out with his wrinkled hand

and...

Bam bam bam bam bam!

You'd better be sleeping!

I am.

I knew that one day I would leave this place,

and I would become a real writer.

I must have had hundreds of toys throughout my childhood,

but one was special above all the others.

I'd save my allowance for three months

to buy the Evel Knievel action figure.

It was an additional four months

before I could afford the supercycle,

but it was worth it.

Evel was daring, cool, fearless.

In short, he was everything that I wasn't.

Evel Knievel's a pussy.

One day you'll be sorry you ever did that.

Funny, I don't feel sorry.

Well, one day you will.

Chicken.

Pork roast!

When you're a marked man,

you appreciate the value of a good hiding place,

and so I spent the better part of my childhood

sitting in the cave at vermillion falls.

There were stories about the cave

that all the kids knew, stories about some kid,

usually a friend's cousin's neighbor,

who went past the red rock and never returned.

I figured they were probably just stories,

but why risk it?

A-t-

o-m-

i-C.

Uh-oh.

Atomic drop.

Incoming!

Hey, Davy...

Want to know how the polar bear died?

Tell me.

Drink your juice yet?

No. Why?

Peed in it.

Yuck.

My dad knows a guy who knows a guy

who works for NASA,

and he says, "if you look straight at the moon rock,

you'll go blind."

Aw, bullshit.

You think the moon rock will burn?

O.k., Rosco, that's enough.

Don't spoil it for the others.

Son, you're holding up the line.

Come on.

That's it?

Nice rock.

Move it, smart ass.

What a gyp.

Did that little rock really come all the way from the moon?

That's what they tell me.

Could I...

Touch it?

I, uh...

Think that could be arranged.

What's going on?

Hey, the cops are here!

Wow! You're kidding! It's gone?

Yeah. Did you hear what happened?

Somebody hocked the moon rock!

Everybody fan out!

Seal the exits!

Find that rock!

Whoa.

David.

David, come on in here, son.

Sit down. We're having a family meeting.

Oh, great.

Yeah. Well, um...

Son, I know how hard it is

to up and move to a new home

and a new school...

We're moving?

Now, David.

Well, uh, yeah.

The company's transferred me

out to the west coast branch and...

David!

It's all right.

He's going to be fine.

Yeah! This is so great!

What?

I hear you've been looking for a moon rock.

Hey, David, where you been?

Come on. We got a long way to go here.

October 30, 1970.

It was the biggest day of my life.