Grotesquerie

Hi. My name is Merritt Tryon.

I'm 27 years old.

And when you're as big as me, not much fits.

But I think I am the perfect fit for your show.

- Nope. Do not do it like that. - Mom!

No. No, no, no.

- You sound a mess. - Mom! Please.

- - You sound stiff, like a robot.

"My name is Merritt. This is my story."

And why you got this filthy hospital curtain up here?

Okay, it's my backdrop.

Let's record again. Do not interrupt me.

Okay, Miss Diahann Carroll.

- I won't say nothing. -

Take two.

Ugh.

Ever since I was a little girl,

I've had a problem with food. I mean, or...

At least what I thought was a problem.

It was what I ran to when I felt scared, sad, or trapped.

But I'm starting to realize that maybe...

that food wasn't the only problem.

It was that anxiety and depression.

Christ on a cracker.

All right, you're done.

Thank you. No, thank you.

Merritt, why do you have to debase yourself? Why?

- They want a story. - Tell 'em how smart you are.

Tell 'em you graduated at 16.

Tell 'em you got a perfect score on the SAT.

Wanna know why? That is a story.

They don't wanna hear that. Okay?

They... they wanna hear about adversity and hardship.

Okay, I've seen a lot of victims in life, Mer.

And believe me when I tell you, baby, you are not one of 'em.

Mmm.

Well, you can go. Thank you.

- Oh. - Please go.

Okay. I will.

Mm-hmm.

Let the Goddamn light in and let everybody see

how wretched and horrible your life is.

Mm-hmm.

All right, go.

- You're still here. So, that's funny. - Mmm.

Okay, baby girl. I'ma go.

But mama is literally cooking you up something you gon' love.

Mmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

So, wait. Lemme get this straight, you're making me a turducken.

You bet.

- Mm-hmm. - Wow.

We have the makings of a fresh, full-fat turkey

with a layer of andouille sausage stuffing,

then, a very good Muscovy duck

carefully deboned and gently placed within the turkey's cavity.

And then last, but certainly not least,

an organic free-range mother fucking chicken within that,

all layered with this andouille sausage stuffing.

If you dare.

Oh, I dare.

How did you learn how to make a turducken? And why did you wait so long?

Listen, I told you, I would help you actualize your dreams of worldwide fame.

This dish has over 12000 calories,

so if you eat that over four days, that's like...

- It's like 3000 a day. - Ding, ding, ding.

But I intend to eat this in one, possibly two days.

Here's the deal.

You don't give me shit about what I like to drink.

You understand me?

Vodka, martinis, any of it.

In exchange, I'll help you get where you wanna be weight-wise.

Take it or leave it.

It's a deal.

Can I watch you make it?

Can you fill her up first?

I don't wanna get raw poultry on the vodka bottle.

You gon' love this next part.

This is where it gets delicate.

You need steady hands,

like those of a trauma surgeon.

We gotta make it look like a turkey again, not flattened roadkill.

So, we...

sew up the back.

Then we truss the fowl, like roping a calf.

And finally, a simple shoelace knot.

And voila!

One engastrated turkey.

Wow.

Wait, I'm sorry. You said castrated?

Engastrated.

It means, the remains of one animal are stuffed inside of another animal.

How do you even know that?

Lately I can't sleep at night, so I read cookbooks, girl.

Huh. That's interesting.

Well, how long is this thing gonna take because I think I will need a snack.

Will you, now?

About three hours.

But if that's too hard for you,

I can make you an omelet or something.

Ooh, yeah, what kind? I think we got some morels left.

A little mascarpone, a little chive.

Pour mama another drink,

could you?

Mmm.

This is the greatest thing ever invented

and the kindest thing you've ever done for me.

Well, I was gonna make cherries jubilee for dessert, but I can't.

It's okay.

I'm gonna have some more of that turducken for dessert.

Okay.

Mmm.

So, what's this all about? I mean...

Uh, you used to put out a frozen lasagna, if anything.

Okay, relax.

Now, my domestic skills, I admit, were slow to develop.

I do miss your father's cooking though. All those layered flavors.

See? I knew you missed him.

I know you miss him. You have to.

Okay, I miss certain things about him that made me stay as long as I did.

I mean, those are things from long, long ago.

That's nostalgia, baby.

Well...

Tell me the story of how you and Daddy met.

Oh, my God.

Why do you wanna hear that story again?

Because I wanna hear it again.

I've told you this a thousand times before.

Make it a thousand and one.

- Okay, okay. - Thank you.

I...

was working in Riverside, near the university.

Taking classes during the day, working at night.

Ooh. I loved being there.

I could have done this for a living.

And Marshall comes in with his students, like every Friday night.

Which I started really looking forward to.

...into the real. That's when the truth...

Got you some extra dumplings.

You're a goddess, Lois. You're a goddess.

And was Lacan right in his notion that we are the words we speak?

Lois, are we not the words we speak?

You're a wise woman.

I don't know about that, but I do think you get the face you earn

and the ass you work for as you get older.

Who had the extra chili paste?

You? You want one, too?

Your kindness is noted.

I love his table.

His students love him, they light up the place,

- laughing, happy. - Hmm. Now, where were we?

Cheers, Ms. Lois.

To the end of the day, the end of the night.

And he would stay after so we could talk.

- We loved it. - Mmm.

Maybe we were the words we speak.

That's good.

Wait a minute.

I saw you on campus the other day, didn't I?

You're a student there, aren't you?

- I am, indeed. - Mm-hmm.

My daddy wants me to be a lawyer,

and I'm straining to be interested.

Prelaw.

Why don't you just change your major to something else?

Like philosophy?

I love philosophy.

- I know you do. Hmm. - People need it.

They don't realize it,

but they do.

- I am interested in the law. - Mm-hmm.

Just not interpreting it, parsing it, using it.

I would much rather defend it.

You're the lone ranger in this mad, bad world.

- You bad girl. - Yes.

There is something about the idea of a woman with a badge and a gun,

it's just powerful.

I agree.

We should go on a date.

- When? - Now.

- What? - Right now.

Now more than ever, baby.

Ooh.

And then, we were together.

Nobody looked at me like he did.

Be careful.

I told you I would be done with this puzzle before dinner was ready.

You did, you did.

The last piece is never as much fun as the first.

I think every piece is fun for you.

You know,

you should be a detective.

You'd be wasted as a lawyer.

- Maybe. - Mm-hmm.

You don't wanna waste that little squirrel brain of yours

on torts and depositions.

You like to get underneath things,

you like to root around in the dark.

Cheers to that.

- Ready? - And he was so right.

All I've ever wanted