ExTerminators

Ahhh! Gahhhahaha!

So... where do you want to to begin?

Where things always begin.

In bed.

You never know when you wake up

that this is the day your life is going to change.

It started out just like any other day.

Hello?

Certainly, sir.

And here is where the train started to go...

a little off track.

I have had the unfortunate task

of eliminating several key staff.

Since you are one of last people hired

I have no choice but to start with you.

Now I know this is unexpected

but you are a very capable, young woman

and I am certain that you will be able

to find something right away.

So, if you wouldn't mind, I would like you to empty out your desk

and vacate the premises immediately. A security guard will show you out.

You're home early!

Finally, I get to meet Tom's sister!

Oh God, I've been waiting for so long to meet you. I'm Teena,

with a double "e".

I don't need your department sticking

it's nose where it doesn't belong, all right?

But how this witness--

You have the right to a presence of an attorney.

If you desire not to afford an attorney,

one will get appointed to you before any questioning--

...shot already, call it what you want,

but I'm telling you, that's the way it looks.

The phone didn't ring.

I got the house, the furniture... his unpaid bills.

But Tom got all our friends.

So I did what any lonely girl with no job and no man would do.

Oh, that was mine.

That isn't gonna fit you. Trust me.

I-I-I put this aside.

My girlfriend is a size two. Are you? A two?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

And here's when the train got completely derailed.

Ooh!

You simply cannot go around beating up men, Ms. Case.

The state of Texas doesn't like it.

But, Judge, he stole my blouse!

- Were you wearing it at the time? - No.

I'm sentencing you to 12 months of outpatient treatment

at the Center For Rage Management,

once a week, for an hour.

If you sucessfully complete the program,

your record will be expunged.

But--

Or... 52 hours in jail. Your choice.

And that's how I ended up there... with them.

I'm Stella. And I use my car as a weapon.

Ahhhh!

He lived.

She only hit her husband.

They were going through a bad divorce.

Hi, I'm Nikki.

And I-I don't use my words.

It wasn't her fault.

The guy would never take his clothes out of the dryer.

I'm Marsha. And I... treat my help badly.

Once upon a time, she'd been a Miss Tennessee.

But her ex husband had just left her

for her younger version of herself.

She took it out on her maid.

Kim. Assault and battery with a salad fork.

Looking back, it's not so hard to believe that

you put a bunch of angry, violent women in the same room

something bad might happen.

Well, can I send you my resume? And then if anything opens up, you can call me.

Well, could I- could I give you my name?

Take that!

Ha!

Well that's a very unique thing to share.

I'm sure you'd made your mother very happy

- and she must be very relieved. - Thank you.

Alex, you've been awfully quiet.

Is there anything you'd like to share with the group?

No, I'm fine.

- Doesn't look like it. - Yeah, I-I'm fine.

I mean, after all that I did for him, I-I paid the bills

and I supported his song writing career.

Putz.

Why are they always named Tina?

With a double "e".

Oh, do you mean her name or her bra size?

You know, Alex, every relationship requires two participants.

So you were definitely in this for a reason.

Any thoughts on this, ladies?

- The classic fixer. - Yeah.

- Classic. - W-what does that mean?

Well, it means, uh, that you like to fix people

and then it makes you feel needed.

I mean, it's not your fault, you know. It's a sickness.

When Tom didn't need you any more, it made you angry.

And you took it out on the guy in the store.

Which is also totally fine with me, I mean...

he sounded like an asshole.

All that trouble over a synthetic blend.

It was a very nice shirt.

Oh, well, I think we did really great, great work today.

I'll see you next week. Bye-bye now.

Hi! Alex!

Hey! Come join us. Come on in.

This is the little Muhammad Ali.

- Welcome. - You're way behind us. Ya gotta catch up.

They only want an hour.

- Alex, you have to show us. - Okay. Okay.

I was, like, "Don't push me around! Shut up, jerk! Oh yeah?"

I'm taking this, okay?

Oh!

- Thanks. - Oh my God!

Oh, excuse me. Sorry.

Two beers.

Did I just imagine that?

Silent Revolution now.

Silent Revolution.

That's the thing about loneliness. It makes you overlook the obvious.

And honestly, I liked these women.

They were a little nuts, but are interested in me

and what I had to say.

So what happened next didn't seem that strange.

I gotta go home. I got work tomorrow. No, I do.

I don't have to get up. Accountant seeks work, film at 11.

Really?

And then she offered me a job.

She owned an extermination business

and gotten herself in trouble with the I.R.S. over some back taxes.

- Hey! - Hey, how's it going?

Great.

Well, the good news is that I have it all figured out.

The bad news is it's a pen, not a wand

and you are going to owe the government some money for 2005 and 2006.

Ohh, really?

Aw, I got a kid in college.

The last thing I need is some big, fat tax bill.

Can't we cheat?

No, I'm just jokin'.

Are you hungry? I made some lasagna. Smell!

I still cook for four, even though all the kids are gone. I still do it.

I really do miss 'em.

- Do you cook? - Well, that was Tom's department,

but, looking back, he really didn't do much of that, either.

What did he do all day?

Oh. Yeah, I guess that takes up a lot of time.

Did you really try to kill your husband with your car?

Yeah... couple o' times.

But, see, my granddaddy, he started this whole business.

And then me and jackass were running it,

you know, together.

And then, when we decided to get divorced, he tried to steal it from me, you know.

So I rammed him a couple times.

I don't know what the big deal is, 'cause, you know,

because when Kathy Bates does it in Fried Green Tomatoes,

everyone claps and they cheer.

And then when I do it, it's like... a felony, you know.

So, the Judge decides to take the whole business

and split it right down the middle.

Um, I have Travis and I have Hays, and Bastrop. That's my section.

And he has Burnet and Blanco and Llano.

And as long as I stayed on my side, I'm fine.

Oh, shoot.

ABC Pest, big and small, we get 'em all.

Oh.

Okay... yeah, that would be great.

See you then.

I.R.S. guy on Friday.

Can we, uh, get you anything? Maybe some coffee?

No.

How about a big piece of pecan pie?

No. Thank you.

Mr. Hutt, you know, I...

always wondered, you know,

how does someone choose a career in the I.R.S.?

I mean, is it something you've always wanted to do?

Sorry, Hutt, keep failing you psych evaluation.

But I'm on new meds.

Yeah... no.

Yes.

Why don't you go file something?

Mm. Yeah, maybe I will.

Well, if you need anything at all, just let me know.

Well... everything seems to be in order.

- You've done some good work here, Miss Case. - Thank you.

Now, uh, we need to talk about a payment schedule.

Right. Uh, my client was hoping to make quarterly payments

spread out over... sixty months.

Sixty months? Ooh! Sixty months. Oh.

Sixty months. Sixty months would be, uh, highly unusual.

But, uh, exceptions could be made.

Well, maybe we could, uh, talk about it, you know, over dinner.

Oh! Um, I-I don't think that's a good idea.

Are you sure?

- Um, oops! I'm so sorry. - Very hot.

Let me give you something, um... Is that really hot?