Night Shift

Please, man, can you give me a dollar?

Hey! You're going the wrong way!

Slow down!

Franklin!

Hey, the hell's wrong with you?

You bastard.

Hey! You alright?

- Who's that? - Your mama.

Whoo!

Franklin, you forgot your coat.

I'm getting ready to dunk on you.

Man, you couldn't dunk doughnuts.

- A dollar. - You got it.

- Step aside, chump. - Huh.

- Huh. - Huh.

Ah!

Pay up, sucker.

Dead. I'm alive. I won the game.

He didn't pay me the dollar that he owes me.

Oh, Christ.

Do you recognize this man

as Franklin Delano Roosevelt Jones?

Yes.

What was your, uh, relationship with the deceased?

- He was my Avon lady. - Oh, give me a break.

Give me a break. You think this is a thrilling morning for me?

Huh? Eat an Egg McMuffin and look at a dead guy?

- Look, honey, I, I-- - Hey, I'm not your honey.

It's Belinda.

As a matter of fact, it's Ms. Keaton.

Are you listening to this?

- Hmm? - She's a whore.

- Hello. - H... hi.

And this guy here was her pimp.

And he wasn't paying off somebody like he was supposed to

so, somebody made him kiss the sidewalk.

Can I close the drawer now?

- Sure. - Thank you.

Alright, now, can you tell me who sent him to pimp heaven?

Oh, sure, now can you kiss my ass?

For how much?

Is someone going to pick up Mr. Jones?

'Cause we sure could use the space.

You got it, sport.

Sir, could you sign right here?

- Um, excuse me? - Yeah.

Franklin once told me that

he wanted to be buried in his car.

- We don't do that. - Oh.

You'd probably have to call the, uh, funeral home

or the Department of Motor Vehicles.

- Don't I know you? - Uh, no. Umm.

Yeah, I do. I do.

No. Um, I-- I couldn't. I wouldn't.

I'm engaged.

Uh, here's a picture of my fiance, Charlotte.

Well, the picture doesn't do her justice.

She's suffering from water build-up.

Hey, I thought I knew you.

Lot of guys have my face.

This is my mom.

- You okay, Chuck? - Yeah.

- Thanks for waiting around. - I'm gonna take off, alright.

- See you tomorrow. - Goodnight.

Hi, Mr. Carboni.

Hey, ain't you going home, Chuck?

Oh, Hector's an hour late. It's 7 o'clock.

Well, uh, Hector's been transferred.

Oh, you're getting a new night man?

Yeah, well, not exactly. You're starting tomorrow.

You're going on night shift, Chuck.

Night shift? I started on night shift.

I'm here six years. I thought I was getting a raise.

You going to make trouble about this?

- No. I just didn't- - Are you gonna go over my head?

Night shift?

Hey, Chuckie, baby.

Chuckie! Come on, night shift's better, huh.

There's no supervisors around. You practically run the place.

You like to read, it's quiet here at night.

It's quiet here during the day, sir.

Good. It's settled. See you tomorrow night.

You'll be breaking in a new partner

a Bill something or other.

- Mr. Carboni. - Huh?

- Who has my job? - Oh, uh...

Right here. It's right on here.

- Mr. Carboni. - Huh?

He seems to have the same last name you do.

Oh, yeah, I-I think he's my nephew.

I-I'll see you, Chuck.

Well, that's just wonderful.

And what am I supposed to be doing every night

while you're working?

- I'll be home days. - I work days.

- All normal people work days. - Should I have quit?

- Want me to go right down-- - Why are you asking me, Chuck?

I don't know why you work there in the first place.

Your mother says you're a financial wizard.

Why do you listen to my mother?

This is the same woman who goes to a seance

every Friday night since my father died

just so she can still yell at him.

How long will you be on there?

- Until the wedding. - That's nine months.

Don't you want me to look good?

I think you look good now.

And I think you're the sweetest man in the world.

Come here.

Ow!

Wait up, man. Hey, wait up.

Every day.

You're going the wrong way.

Oh, my God.

- Are you the night guy? - Yes.

Oh, hi. How you doing? I'm Leonard Carboni.

What a pleasure to meet you, Leonard.

- How was your first day? - Shitty.

- Lot of paperwork and stuff. - I see.

But Uncle Sal said you'd straighten it all out.

Fine.

Hi.

How are you doing?

I'm Bill Blazejowski. You call me Billy Blaze.

You must be Chuck, right? Nice shoes.

Hey, this is alright.

Guess this is where I'm gonna be working.

I'm your new partner. Ha ha ha, whew!

Swish! Ah, they're going crazy in the arena!

They can't believe it. It's unbelievable.

This is great. What's our job?

We, like, drive around, pick up stiffs, or what?

Is that what we're supposed to do?

Hey, Chuck, who's this? Wife?

- Uh, fiance. - Ah.

Nice frame.

Yeah, okay, we can make stuff, we can read, coffee.

This is great. I like it.

You wondering why I carry this tape recorder?

It's to tape things.

See, I'm an idea man, Chuck, alright?

I get ideas all daylong. I can't control them.

It's like they come charging in and I

I can't even fight them, if I want to, you know? Ah!

So, I say 'em in here and that way I never forget them.

See what I'm saying? Okay, here's an example.

Watch out. Stand back.

This is Bill. Idea to eliminate garbage.

Edible paper.

See?

Eat it, it's gone. Eat it, it's out of there. No garbage.

I got everything in here. Business ideas, inventions

musicals, I wrote a couple musicals in here.

Would you like to see the rest of the office?

Yeah.

- Hey, you want a snickers? - No, thank you.

It's not frozen. 'Cause my refrigerator broke.

I understand.

Where you from, Chuck? I'm from Cleveland.

Well, I'm originally from Seattle

but I just came here from Cleveland.

- And, this is our lab. - Yeah, it's nice.

Get this. I'm living with this chick, right?

I come home one night, I catch her in bed with another girl.

I was "No", I couldn't believe it, you know.

She went lesbo on me like that. Unbelievable.

I just finish eating my dinner. I walk right outta there.

- What you think, was I wrong? - Oh, that's very personal...

What's in here, just stiffs and stuff?

- Huh, no, we call them corpses. - Can I take a peek?

- Sure. I think this one is.. - Alright.

Hey, this Carboni guy. What's he like our boss, or what?

No, no, he's the supervisor. He's not here at night.