Bikini Valley Car Wash

Well, dude, I was the one that spotted him.

No, no, no, I didn't recognize him at first

so I had to look a little closer

and like, dude, that's Bob!

Just running across the field, streaking, stark naked.

You know, bare ass hanging out, dingle berries.

Balls flopping around, it was a mess.

Remember, he ran in front of the cheerleaders.

Started helicoptering his dick right in front of them.

Oh man, cops came about five minutes later,

threw him in jail, he racked up about $2,000 worth of fines,

but shit, it was worth it, right? (chuckles)

Oh, God, those were the days.

All right, buddy, I'm gonna let you go, but,

oh, oh, hey, you remember that sleepover party

we once had with Jim and David?

And we got Jeff, right, we threw him in the sleeping bag.

We spread his ass cheeks open,

spread some chunky peanut butter in there,

and we threw the dog in there, in the sleeping bag with him?

The dog ended up getting typhus a week later.

We had to put him down.

Oh, shit, I know, right?

Or that time we went camping, remember?

And we spread honey all over the campfire,

- and the bees swarmed us. - The only fucking phone booth

in the world, and Tits McGee is inside, okay.

You can do this, find your core, find the creamy center.

That's not helping, that's not helping.

- The phone booth. - All right, buddy,

I'm gonna let you go.

Looks like he fell out of a dumpster,

maybe a little bit of green, a little of scratch,

a little bit a, that's a real ,

maybe a little.

Excuse me, (cellphone thudding)

amigo, compadre, maybe your dick stories,

maybe you can move on, mosey on, find a way.

I mean you can buy some jeans

with better holes in 'em with these.

What do you say, what do you think?

Wanna take me up on it?

Got things to do, got places to be, got people you know?

It's all yours.

Thank you.

Jesus Christ.

Silicon Valley douche bag.

- (body thwacking) - Ow, shit.

Oh, who moved the door?

Dude, I've got such a hangover.

There's a first.

No shit.

Brit, I don't mean to judge,

but how long are you gonna be doing this for?

- Doing what? - You know,

shaking your ass.

Well, if you put it that way,

until my tits reach my belly button.

You hardly get any sleep anymore.

Sleep deprivation is a real thing.

Look, I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead.

Okay, Sam Elliot.

But check it out, last night was sick.

We had this large group come in, this internet company

was entertaining their Dubai investors,

and they insisted that I drink with them.

Well, I hope it was worth it.

You tell me.

Holy shit.

Is this just from last night?

It's not like this every night,

but I guess you could say they just had fun.

You slut.

How much is this?

Enough for rent and then some.

Takes me at least two weeks to get rent.

Ro is hiring, wanna job?

My grandfather would have a heart attack.

Speaking of which, I gotta go.

Gimme a minute, I'll go with.

I haven't seen that old dinosaur in ages.

Okay, hold up, hold up.

Wiki-Boy, who is the highest paid athlete in 2013?

The highest paid athlete in 2013?

Tiger Woods, 78.1 million dollars.

Dick stroker.

What's Avogadro's constant?

Avogadro's number, also known as Avogadro's constant,

is 6.022 times 10 to the 23rd.

You're wasting my time.

Is he right?

He's good.

What actor was the president of the NRA?

Charlton Heston, president of the NRA from 1998 to 2003.

Okay, okay, who took over as CEO of Apple,

when Steve Jobs got fired in 2011?

Tim Cook, and Steve Jobs didn't get fired, okay,

he resigned due to his illness.

Fucking animal.

Ah, come on, Tiger.

It's not an insult, it's a compliment the way to use it.

One of these days, Wiki-Boy, I'm gonna stump your ass.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Lance.

What's up?

My dick, what do you want?

Oh, hey, it's you Wiki-Boy?

What's going down?

Your dick I hope.

What?

Nothing.

Hey, you mind handing me that wrench

over on the curb?

Here you go.

The other wrench.

Sure you know what you're doing?

Shit yeah.

Oh, fuck!

Ah, fuck.

Oh, that fuckin' hurt.

Shit.

Ow, fuck that hurt.

What's wrong with it?

It's the engine.

The engine?

What is it?

It's a machine with moving parts

that converts power into motion,

but I don't think that's important right now.

I think I need a joint break.

You want one?

Oh, no, I'm trying to cut back.

Nice, more for me.

That's God's broccoli.

Wow.

So where's your twin at?

Lucas?

He's probably at the bus stop.

What is he always hanging out at the bus stop for?

Just likes making new friends.

What are you up to?

Well, I'm working on an app.

Hello, you're working on an nap?

Why do you have to work on one?

Why don't you just take one?

Not a nap, an app.

That's what I said, a nap.

Not a nap, an app.

A nap?

An app.

A nap.

An app.

See, an app is a specialized program for smartphones.

See, every single one of these is an app,

and mine is called Briskly.

Briskly?

Yeah.

So, what does it do?

Well, you see, it allows businesses to create last minute

discounts with huge deals for local customers.

You see, users get an alert on their phone

telling them about it, then it's first come, first serve,

and see, the discounts range from anything from iPads

to eye exams or T-shirts to tires.

You sound real passionate about it.

Oh, I'm really excited about it.

It's gonna be even more awesome when it's finished.

I even have a couple of companies interested in buying it.

No shit?

No shit.

So when are ya gonna be done with it?

That's the only problem.

See, I can't show any of the companies the final product

until I file all the legal work first,

and that costs money.

Money I don't have.

Speak of the devil.

Not now, Lance.

I'm going to a custom party.

Ah man, it's fuckin' July!

Don't judge.

Hey, cool beats, Lance.

That there, my man, is an original 1985

Panasonic 5010 Stereo with tape deck.

Cool.

What's tape deck?

Hello Claris.

Oh, Hello.

My name's not Claris, it's Mina.

Nice to meet you.

What's your name?

You had me at hello.

I drink your milkshake.