Rules of Engagement

Coffee. To go, please.

- Adam! - Hey, guys.

- How's it going? - I'm tired.

I haven't got any sleep since I moved in with Jennifer.

All right, up top, brother.

No, it's not that. The problem is her tiny bed.

There's no space that could hold all these knees and elbows.

Get a bigger bed. We've had one for ten years.

We're like boxers, when we're done mixing it up,

we like to go to our own corners.

And the rounds never last more than 3 min.

If you want more than 3 min,

then be ready more than 3 min before Sports Centre.

Or be willing to face that direction.

Record Sports Centre, that way you won't have to rush.

I work better with a deadline.

He does.

I'll think about that bigger bed thing.

Apple pie for breakfast?

Here's my thinking on that.

You'd be fine if I ordered apple Danish, which is basically flat apple pie.

Good use of your brain.

What?

Hey, Audrey, Magilla.

Russell.

It's my new friend Dani.

Dani, this is Jeff, Audrey.

Hi, nice to meet you.

- The pleasure's mine. - Hello.

It's okay, he's a gentle giant, don't be afraid.

Good stuff, Russell, good stuff.

I'm going to meet you at the table

'cause I have to go to the little girls' room.

Is it Bring-your-daughter-to-work day already?

No, but I get it.

Guess what. She's a lifeguard.

Lucky drowning victims, how old is she?

Don't you mean how old isn't she?

Just kidding, but seriously, call Jack Bauer, 'cause she's 24.

24?

- Sit down and eat, Jeff. - Hold on, how did you do that?

How did a guy your age pull that off?

Age is not an issue.

Mostly because I lie about it.

It's a good system.

You may possibly be my new hero.

I'm flattered. Listen, I gotta go read the menu to Dani, see you.

All right, you keep up the good work, Dani.

Lifeguards are the doctors of our beaches.

Okay, we're good, beat it.

Where's my pie?

You're warming it.

And now, it's a Danish!

Sorry.

I don't think I deserved a pant-load of apple pie.

You did.

I can't believe you--

Is that crust on your face?

You ate the butt pie?

It was paid for.

Look, I don't expect you not to find other women attractive,

but is our relationship really at a point

where you feel comfortable doing it in front of me?

No, you're right.

I was pretty rude.

And I'm sorry.

And just so you know,

you don't have to worry,

I would never leave you for a 24-year-old.

Thank you.

That is a load off my mind.

- You're being sarcastic. - I am.

Because you don't think I can attract a 24-year-old.

Not even if you were wearing a suit made out of Justin Timberlake.

Are you forgetting you were 24 when you fell for my charms?

Your charms?

When I first saw you, you were screaming at a girl for overpumping the keg.

It was gonna be all foam!

You know what?

You believe what you wanna believe,

you're just lucky there's no way we can prove it.

Maybe there is.

What are you talking about?

I'll give you one night.

Go out, take off your wedding ring

and try to get a young girl's phone number.

You do not want me to call your bluff.

I'm not bluffing.

And if you don't want to embarrass yourself by trying,

I would totally understand.

Let's make it a bet, what are we playing for?

There... should be something at stake.

Something is.

Your dignity.

Yeah, like I never lost that before!

Episode 3 : Young and the Restless Version 1.0

What do you think?

A new queen-size bed?

This is a great!

Thought we couldn't afford one.

We can't!

But it's my old bed, I got it out of storage.

I forgot how comfortable it is.

You know, when we got it,

Sonia wanted to get the cheaper one,

but I convinced her to go top of the ladder.

Pretty smart, uh?

Sonia?

Who?

Your ex-girlfriend Sonia?

Was she?

I cannot sleep or do other things

in a bed you bought with your ex!

Dah, you already have!

But I didn't know it then.

Plus, that was when we were dating, now we're engaged,

this is our apartment, this can't be our bed!

Come on! I'm not getting any sleep in the little bed!

The little bed is killing me!

- I'm sorry, Adam, it needs to go. - Why?

You didn't have a problem with the chair I brought over.

That's because you and Sonia didn't have sex on it.

Okay, the chair goes too!

Come on, Jennifer!

Look, I know it's irrational, but every time I got into that bed,

I'd feel like Sonia was in it with us.

Really?

What? No, I was just thinking about--

You're so pretty.

Look, let's just buy a new bed.

No, when we got engaged,

we agreed that we wouldn't start our life together in debt.

- We don't need that pressure. - What are we gonna do?

Look, let's just...

Let's just... go back to your old bed, okay?

Sorry.

I wish I were as secure as you.

What do you mean? Why am I secure?

Well, because I can't deal with Sonia and your bed,

but you're fine with all the guys who've been in mine.

All the guys?

Those were her words?

You know, it's more than two or she would have said "both."

And that's just in that bed.

Home games, road trips. Will have to ask the man.

How old do you think she was in her rookie year, like 16, 17?

Let's make it 18, keep it legal.

Hey, guys, thanks.

I feel much better now, you can stop.

Look, you test-drove a Ferrari, you bought a Ferrari,

and now you're shocked, you're driving a Ferrari?

Yes, what do you think she was when you met her?

What's a car that hasn't had tons of sex?

You guys are great.

I'm gonna walk this off.

Attaboy!

What are you doing?

- What do you mean? - Are we sharing milk shake?

Get over there.

Hey, so...

How's Dani?

She still does homework, that's how she is.

Aren't you a little worried she's gonna find out how old you are

and you're gonna look ridiculous?

Listen, you married guys are always trying to find a flaw

in my series of shallow sex-based relationships built on lies.

You're right, it does sound perfect.

Is that supposed to be sarcastic?

Not sure.

Adam told me about the challenge Audrey gave you, I love it!

I know the perfect bar, so what's the game plan?

I'm just gonna be myself.

Operation Failure, good call.

You want some help?

I don't. I'm sure you're a lone wolf on the make for all the honeys,

but this old hive has still got some honey in it.

Nice speech, none of it from this century, but...

I admire your confidence.

Come on, let's see some game. Pretend I'm a woman.

Already there.

I'm trying to help you out.

- Give me your opening line. - All right.

Hi, I'm Jeff.

Hey, Jeff. I'm Laura.

Laura, pretty name, from the Greek.

Meaning fresh smelling.

Always comment on a woman's odor.

It's good you didn't do, get out there.

You look sharp.

Sure you don't wanna call this off?

Because you're bathed?

I don't think so.

What is that? Some new cologne?

It's a man's all over body spray.

You bought body spray.

It came in the newspaper.

Now,

knowing all of this,