Jesus Christ's Horoscope (Jézus Krisztus horoszkópja)

HOROSCOPE OF JESUS CHRIST

Why do you let this beast beat you?

What else could I do?

Should I give you a clean kerchief?

Do you have?

- Good evening. - Good evening.

- You feel bad? - No, it's okay.

"Your face is covered in blood." "It's probably from a sick tooth."

Present your passport!

It's yours?

Yes, mine.

Valuable thing...

Yes.

And where is the person who was with you?

There was nobody here. I was alone.

- No one? - There was nobody here.

Listen, why are you deceiving me?

I do not cheat.

Bye!

Again you begin! Again you climb with these nonsense!

Why are you doing it? Open the secret.

Why are you offending him? He is your brother and weaken you!

He is my stepbrother!

Leave him, let him work quietly.

He knows why...!

Well, that's all right. OK. How to use it?

It's simple...

There were two of us. I lived in the same room with Georgy Dzhugashvili.

He's a good guy, but too big an individualist...

Sometimes it annoyed me.

He never shared his secret thoughts with anyone.

He had a special gift to remain silent.

And in this sense he was a unique person in the country,

where everyone talks too much.

He is too rude, and this lack becomes intolerant in the post of secretary general.

Therefore, I offer comrades

ponder the way of moving Stalin...

At full speed we are moving along the road of industrialization towards socialism,

overtaking our centuries-old ancient Russian backwardness.

We are turning into a country, cars, a country of tractors.

And if we once sat the Soviet Union on a car, and the worker on the tractor

let then the capitalists, proud of their civilization,

they will try to catch up with us.

Then we will see which countries can be qualified as retarded,

and which ones - as progressive...

consider the way of moving Stalin from this place,

and assign to this place another person,

which in all other respects differs from Comrade Stalin in only one advantage,

namely - more tolerant, more loyal, more polite,

more attentive to comrades, less capricious.

The damage of the bourgeois intelligentsia

is one of the most dangerous forms of resistance developing socialism.

The damage is all the more dangerous because it is connected with international capital.

The harm of the bourgeoisie undoubtedly testifies to the fact that,

that the capitalist elements by no means laid down their arms,

that they are gathering strength for a new attack against Soviet power.

Have you ever seen fishermen before a storm on a big river, such as the Yenisei?

I've seen this more than once.

It happens that one group of fishermen mobilizes all the forces in the fight against the beginning storm

and boldly leads his boat to meet the storm, inspiring people:

"Hold on, guys, hold the steering wheel!"

"Cut the waves, we will cope with them!"

"We'll manage!"

There are also such groups of fishermen who, sensing the approach of a storm, are lost

and thus demoralize their ranks.

"The trouble has come to us!" The storm is coming!"

"Lie down, guys, to the bottom of the boat!"

"Close your eyes! Maybe we'll somehow get to the shore."

- What? - Unanimous optimism...

Do I need to prove, comrades,

that the thinking and behavior of Bukharin's group

is an exact copy of the thinking and behavior of the second group of fishermen,

in a panic retreating before the difficulties?

"The name?" Nikolay Ivanovich Bukharin.

- Date of Birth? - September 27, 1888.

- According to the new style? - 9 October.

- At what year? - October 9, 1888 according to a new style.

"Where were you born?" In Moscow.

Sit down!

Drink something. Have a drink, old man.

We have no words to describe the terrible crimes,

committed by the accused.

Comrades judges...

Yes!

What can we say here?

Our people and all honest people in the world are expecting a fair verdict from you.

Our whole country, from young to old, waits for one, requires one -

shoot traitors and spies...

Shoot!

Who sold their country to their enemies - to shoot like rabid dogs.

Shoot!

Crush the vile reptiles!

Hooray!

The graves of hated traitors, to which all honest Soviet people

will always look with contempt, overgrown with weeds and burdock.

Burdock!

And above us, over our happy country, as always bright and bright

the golden rays of our sun will shine.

And all of us, as well as until now,

Yes!

We will go forward along the way cleared of dirt and garbage of the past

under the guidance of our beloved leader and teacher of the great Stalin

forward to communism! Hurrah Hurrah! Hooray!

- Sorry... - What?

Present your passport.

- Come on! - Where?

- Please do not remove it. - Is it forbidden to shoot here?

Well, you can shoot...

Go forward. I ask you, forward...

above us, over our happy country, as always bright and bright

the golden rays of our sun will shine.

And all of us, as well as until now, will go ahead along the way,

cleared of dirt and debris of the past

under the guidance of our beloved leader and teacher, the great Stalin,

forward to communism!

What? Are not you arresting me?

"What did he want from you?" Nothing.

"Did he write down your data?" I wrote it down.

- So what? - I asked if I ever had black gloves.

Thank you.

Sir, the taxi has arrived.

What nonsense, I did not order a taxi. But it does not matter.

I buy from you this tape. Keep the money.

- How many? - Two hundred. Will he?

Take it.

Who is he? "Are you kidding, sir?"

To your health!

Why is the police all around you?

- Behind me? Maybe for you? - Behind me?

How should I know? And maybe because of my glove.

Look, I bought your poem.

Good. Thank you. "I brought you champagne."

I kiss the hands, ladies!

You have a fairly large family.

Let me introduce my lover. He is a writer and a poet.

In the 56th I was also on the street of Tyuzolta.

And then I went to Vienna, I was going to bring medicine from there...

And then my wife Yutka told me not to return...

She was right. Many of my friends were hanged after that.

Yutka wanted to come to me with her child, but she was not released.

Frankly, I do not understand why all these records of ancient history?

Ancient history? 56 was only yesterday.

- I was born in the 68th. - And I'm in the 70th.

"Young innocent lambs." - With the appearance of a sheep, by nature - wolves.

Copper cannon of Mihai Farkas, decorated with flowers.

"Look, this girl does not look like Yutka!" Of course it does not.

It's just a reconstruction.

In the 58th, when Khrushchev was in Hungary, the Yutka broke through the cordon,

with a child in his arms.

The rest you know. The newspapers also wrote that they let her go.

You rascal!

Drink a little.

Are you sure he's our brother? He is completely different.

Not a single feature. And this boy is not his.

Why do they speak French?

Do you think I will believe you that you are my relative?

You have been sent to us. What do you want to find out from us?

Our family is an open book...

"Would you like a drink?"

Do you want to spoil me?

Do you want to fuck me like my sister?

Why do not you marry her? Made of her slut!

If it were a decent family, it would have been a long time ago have thrown this Jew out of here!

And this agent, too, along with his supposedly son.

Do not you see that it's getting worse and worse?

Do not leave!

- Do not leave! - Till.

"Do not go, wait!" - See you.

"And now I'll get drunk." I will help you.

Do not be angry with me... I knew that he was not Jewish.

I'm not angry.

He is jealous...

You collected a strange people here.

What are you looking at there?

Ah, the Hungarian writers... Celebrities...

Your mother is so! Big money is rowing!

Send her home.

What a shabby look of your lover. It is a pity that you do not have a camera.

Could take off, as you fuck.

Go home, Matilda.

This is a good idea. Do not want to use the video?

I run to Lazi and ask for a camera.

Martha!

Martha!

Martha!

I brought a camera! Martha!

What is this nonsense? Martha!

Martha!

Martha!

How old were you when you graduated from the police academy?

You see, when I started studying...

"When did you apply?" When I was 23 years old.

What did you do between the school and the police academy?

After school I entered the police academy.

You said that you studied at the law school. Did it end in failure?

Well, why? "Why did you go to the police?"

This is a family tradition.

- Police? - Yes.

"Then tell me about it." About the family tradition?

"About how you decided to go to the police."